Time for some light entertainment

Farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster to copulate with his chickens. The farmer puts the rooster straight into the pen so that he can get down to business.
The young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says "OK, old fellow,time to retire."
The old rooster says, "You cant handle all these chickens on your own..look what its done to me!"
The young rooster replies, "Now don't give me hassle about this. Time for the old to step aside and the young to take over, so take a hike."
The old rooster says, "Aw, come on ... just let me have the two old hens over in the corner. I wont bother you."
The young rooster says "Not a chance, scram! Beat it! You're washed
up,Im taking over!"
So the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster, "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll race with you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins the race gets the domain of the chicken coop. And if I'm so feeble, why not give me a little head start?"
The young rooster says "Sure, why not, you know I'll still beat you."
They line up in the back of farmhouse, get a hen to cluck "Go!"
and the old rooster takes off running.
About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster is only
about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.
The farmer sitting on the porch, looks up, sees what's going on,
grabs his shotgun and BOOM!, he shoots the young rooster dead.
He shakes his head gloomily and says to his wife
"Son of a bitch... third gay rooster I bought this week!"
 
Ok, I've got one for ya:

Two friends, Jack and Steve, are hitch-hiking through Alabama on their way to Texas. They've been on the road for hours and hours one day and no one will give them a lift. After awhile, Steve begins to get really painful intestinal cramps. Just then a tractor trailer pulls over and stops.

Jack wants to get in but Steve really needs to make a trip to the woods. They've been without a ride for a long time so they climb up into the cab. The driver says "I'll give you boys a ride all the way to Texas on one condition. I ain''t gonna stop. Not even once. I'll get a big ole bonus if I make good time." Jack and Steve agree, not sure when they might get an opportunity like this, and afraid to cross the huge redneck behind the wheel.

After about an hour Steve starts to get gut-wrenching diarrhea cramps and wispers to Jack "man, I've got to go to the bathroom, and it ain't gonna wait!!". The trucker overhears him and says "just hang your A** out the window and go, cause you ain't goin in here and I ain't stoppin!". So Steve pulls his pants down and puts his rear end up into the open window with one foot up on the dash and lets loose a huge stream of diarreah. Just as he lets loose they pass 2 good ol' boys walking by the side of the road, and they get totally covered.
One ol' boy looks at the other and says:

"MAN!! Did you see the size of the gums on that tobacco chewing son of a gun!"
 
Originally posted by MauiRob


"MAN!! Did you see the size of the gums on that tobacco chewing son of a gun!"
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And the other guy says, "YEAH!!!!, But that warn't Nuthin!!!!!!!! Did you see the wad that guy had in his cheeks?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

Never try to out do an old skin Rob.;) :rolleyes: :p
 
And the other guy says, "YEAH!!!!, But that warn't Nuthin!!!!!!!! Did you see the wad that guy had in his cheeks?!?!?!?!?!?!?"
Click to expand...

LOL!:D :D :D

Ok,I know when I've been outclassed:D
 
Originally posted by MauiRob
Everyone's a critic!;) :p :D
Click to expand...

:D

Once upon a time this "good ol' boy" was sent up. Or to y'all without the terminology he was sentenced to prison.;)
The 1st full day after he had gone through reception, yep, pretty similar to the military, he was turned out in the yard, a place for cons to exercise among other things, and was just standing around next to his cell mate not sure of what to do.
The cons were all talking among themselves with some pockets of laughter and highjinx coming from areas where a lot of smoke was being produced, they was smokin' Jane boys, or dope in a rope,
Thai-stick, or marijuana for the uninitiated among y'all here.
Anyway all of a sudden someone across the yard hollered out real *LOUD* "57."
Almost instantly the yard was filled with wild laughter and a lot of knee and back slappin!!!!!!!
Pretty soon from the other side of the yard came roaring out
*Real Loud* "74."
Again almost instantly the yard erupted into racous
laughter!!!!!!!
Then from right next to the new con one of the "good ol' boys" bellowed out "32."
Again instant wild laughter erupted all around the yard.................

Well by this time of course the new con was wondering what was going on as he had never heard of anything like this before.
He turned to his cell mate and asked, "Sheesh man I never heard of the like before. How about telling me what's going on."
The other con replied, "Well it's really pretty simple. You see most of us have been here so long we've heard almost ever old joke in the world so to save time in the tellin we just numbered them all."

The new con stood around awhile and built up his courage and trying to think of a number that would or at least Should be a really good joke.
He decided that number 69 must be an extra good one just because of what the numbers represent in some circles.
He built up his courage one last time, took a really Deep Breath and Belted out, "69."
No one, I mean no one even cracked a smile. The new con was devastated after all he wanted to make a good impression on his first day.
He turned around to his cell mate and asked, "Man wasn't that a good number?"
His cell mate replied, "Yup, one of the best of all.!!!!"
The new con couldn't stand it and asked, "Well if it was one of the best of all how come nobody laughed?"






His cell mate replied,














"Some can tell 'em, some cain't.":D
 
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