TRying to forgive my ex-brother-in-law -- and failing.....

B

Bill Marsh

Joined
Mar 26, 2002
Messages
1,861
I need to vent.

I just found out some information about my ex-brother-in-law and my sister.

He is from an incredibly wealthy family. Like something from a movie. My sister divorced him almost 20 years ago, taking their son with her.

He had never had anyone leave him before. He just could not believe that anyone could do that. He fought her for 13 years to regain custody. She never refused him access to the son, whom he treated fairly well.

However before the divorce he became a terrifying combination of alcoholic and born-again-Christian. Very physically abusive when drinking and repentant, to a point, when sober.

My sister endured one of these attacks. She had black eyes and other injuries she would not discuss. I wanted to kill him. She is 5'2" he is 6'4". The second time it happened, she left.

When the father-in-law died he left a good part of his estate to my sister's son. However he made ex-brother-in-law the executor with broad powers over the distribution. None of this money has ever reached my sister's son.

He told my sister's son that he, the son, would never see a penny until his mother, my sister, was dead.

Also his estate was set up the same way. We are talking millions here, folks. I really feel for my nephew. He is a brilliant young man, but he has some allergies that cause him a lot of grief. Some of this money would be a great help to the young man.

But his father is adamant. No money until my sister, his mother is dead.

The two good things here is that Daddy (ex-brother-in-law) lived in New Orleans. He survived, oh well. And he is 70 now.

Though I feel myself to be a Christian, I am having a very hard time working up forgiveness. I lean more toward Bob Dylan when he sang:

"And I hope that you die, and your death will come soon,
I will follow your casket on a pale afternoon,
and I'll watch while your lowered down to your death bed,
and I’LL STAND OVER YOU GRAVE ‘TILL I’M SURE THAT YOU’RE DEAD!”

And when they finally bury this guy, I hope that they will drive a wooden stake through his heart. I don't want him coming back!

God forgive me for my feelings, but I can't forgive my ex-bother-in-law...
__________________
 
And I want to know how to find where kindness and selfless service ends and enabling begins. I'm troubled by this.



munk
 
It had be troubling.......if not for my sis still thinking as this guy like gulom in LOTRs ....the precious.....he'd get more black eyes in this life time....and the nex........and the next........
 
Its just money. Think bad thoughts and be happy he isnt in her life anymore. It wasnt your, or your sister's son's money to begin with. Worry about your family, and move on. I had an aunt who lived her whole life worry about other people's inheritence,a nd how unfair it was that she didnt get any, and she never realized that it was JUST money, and not even hers to begin with....she died without that money, and a whole lot of wasted effort, stress, and burned bridges.

Im not a godly person, and I only forgive those who deserve it. If god wants to forgive him, good for god. If you want to forgive him only because of god, then thats your problem, because I dont think the kind of forgiveness religion teaches has anything to do with feeling badly if you dont....it has to do with feeling good when you do. You can be a better man, be a normal man, or be whoever you want, so long as you stick to your convictions.

IMHO, some people dont deserve forgiveness. If they want it from me, they are gonna have to ask God first....in person, hopefully.
 
If I were you I would see a probate lawyer and ask for a copy of the will. The law requires your nephew has a right to see the will. This guy might be doing something illegal just to get back at your sister. You and your sister owe it to yourself and her son to check out the will.
 
An executor has no general power to withhold estate assets from beneficiaries under a will. Any power he seems to have must come, if at all, from the will.

It is possible that the will said that property passed to the grandchild only upon the death of the child's mother, but that seems strange.

Has anyone bothered to look at the will?


Is it possible we are really talking about a trust with the former husband as trustee? If so, he has a duty of loyalty to the beneficairy - his son.

It begins with the document.
 
It always amazes me how somebody could hold onto all that hostility. Even make arrangements so it goes on after the grave.

I was listening to this story about civil rights one day. And that LBJ had Wallace in a room, and Wallace was a little guy and that LBJ was towering over him and told him something to the effect that "George, someday we'll both be dead and all this will be settled. Do you want your gravestone to say "He Hated"??"

Something all of us should kinda keep in mind.
 
That's a bummer, Bill. Some people are just so misguided that it doesn't matter what you tell them they are always going to be hardheaded and blind. Forgive him if you can, if not then don't. They call God "God" for a reason;) People are like potatoes. Most are pretty good with just a few bad spots that need to be cut out, but there are a few that black to the core.
Although 70 isn't "old" any more, and this guys sounds like he has the money to linger on forever, at least you know he is on the back stretch of life. Most of the damage that he has done and could really do is now over. He is now falling into the pitfalls of being an old man. Arguing, muttering, and making a big deal out of things of a false sense of princple instead of enjoying his wisdom in his golden years.
From your posts in the past I can tell you're a really happy man with a good life. It sounds like this guy is just plugging along until he stops plugging. Your nephew will get the money one day. that's what I'd look forward to.

Jake
 
I found it!

LBJ flew aides to Selma with a plan for King to consider: march to the middle of the bridge, kneel and pray, and walk back. Johnson pledged that Wallace would not attack the marchers and Judge Johnson would issue an order to not interfere with them. King did it and was excoriated by furious supporters who felt betrayed.

Meanwhile, LBJ called Wallace to the White House for what Vice President Hubert Humphrey called one of LBJ’s trademark “nostril inspections.”

“These always ended with Johnson appealing to his target’s better nature,” Kotz said. “George,” LBJ asked, “how do you want to be remembered on your gravestone? George Wallace: He Hated?”

Wallace later said, “If I had stayed in there another five minutes, I would have become an integrationist.” Five days later he wrote Johnson to say that the Alabama state police were too burdened by their other duties to protect the marchers and invited the feds in. Johnson federalized the Alabama National Guard, and King and 8,000 others completed the march.

In a speech before Congress shortly afterward, one of the greatest in American history, Kotz claimed, Johnson described the civil rights movement as “the effort of American negros to secure for themselves the full blessings of American life. Their cause must be our cause. We must overcome the crippling legacy of bigotry. And we shall overcome.”

http://www.law.virginia.edu/home2002/html/news/2005_spr/kotz.htm

Interesting to me is that Johnson, in congress, had pretty much consistently voted against segregation. And of course Wallace we know how he was. However both had a change of heart. It is sad to hear about the fellow you are talking about that could not rise above his hatred before he checked out.:thumbdn:
 
I used to work at the IRS, and read a bunch of wills in tax forms. You would be amazed. a HUGE number of old, nasty people go out of their way to leave 1 cent to a family member, then a paragraph why they chose not to leave anything to that memeber, just so that they'd have to be read it, and others would see it.

Fine by me....nasty people are seldom missed.
 
Sorry to hear that Bill. Forgiveness takes time. Don't beat yourself up.
 
TikTock said:
I used to work at the IRS, and read a bunch of wills in tax forms. You would be amazed. a HUGE number of old, nasty people go out of their way to leave 1 cent to a family member, then a paragraph why they chose not to leave anything to that memeber, just so that they'd have to be read it, and others would see it.

Fine by me....nasty people are seldom missed.
Click to expand...

That's really sad. You'd think you'd want everybody to say good things or at least not any bad things when you died.
 
I'd also like to add that forgiveness isnt something you can decide on. A large number of people say that they forgive someone, then every action and thought they have tells a different story. Forgiveness comes out of compassion. If you dont have compassion for that man, you will never really be able to forgive him. That being said, having compassion for someone, and liking them are two different animals. Sometimes compassion is breaking a man's legs so he cant jump off a building. Sometimes forgiveness begins with understanding that your reaction to a situation does not always need to be your response...just something to dwell on until you can clear your head.
 
With today's technology, I'm surprised at will readings there aren't more murders by predator drones. Can you see it? (or is this a SF book?)

..."furthermore, Elwood, your brutality to your sister and brother have earned you all of one single penny from my immense fortune, on the head of the ballistic gellatin missile arriving shortly after you hear this...."


munk
 
<<<<understanding that your reaction to a situation does not always need to be your response..>>>>>> TikTock


understanding your initial reaction to a situation doesn't have to be your final decision. I like this.



munk
 
The lengths douchebag losers (of all income ranges) go to spite their ex-wives and children and get away with it boggles the mind. Being wealthy tends to insulate you from the rule of law. It is a huge problem with John Q. Public footing the majority of the bill.
You only can forgive him if you realy look deep inside yourself. I don't think I'd ever be capable of that kind of searching for redemption or finding anything good about that weasel.
 
jurassicnarc44 said:
Does that make him a Mother Feasel? Hang in there, Bill....ultimately Justice Prevails.
Click to expand...

Justice doesn't always prevail, you have to fight for what is yours or you lose it.
 
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