TRying to forgive my ex-brother-in-law -- and failing.....

Bill I'm really sorry about this my friend. I can understand your view and it being part of what Christianity talks about and your difficulty in forgiving or even trying to forgive an old sonofabitch like this one.
I wish I had the words to help you in some way, remember that southern humor email I sent you the other day and it saying that, "Some people just need killin."? Well that's true, some people do just need killin and this old bastard sounds like a good candidate, unfortunately it just happens to be against the law.:grumpy:
And you know forgiveness is such a personal issue. What gets me is the Bible gives folks a way to dissolve a marriage but doesn't seem to have a way to not forgive some old bastard(ess) unless there's something there that has been long overlooked. Forgiveness is all good and fine but to me to forgive someone they have to be forgivable and that means a change of heart on their part.
And even then it would and still is dayumed difficult sometimes.
One thing that should be remembered is that just because you forgive someone you don't have to approve of what they have done and you don't have to love them.

In my people's way forgiveness means that the person had a change of heart and repented of their ways and either made or tried to make amends. In other words they became forgivable.
We had one young fellow come here that done several things, even lied while holding an Eagle Feather. He made amends to me and my cousin whom he repaid the money he owed and then he came to me wanting cleaned up but still owing a family member's mom several hundred dollars. I asked him how he thought he could be cleaned up until he had cleaned himself.
He didn't have an answer and we haven't seen him since and no doubt never will again.
He came from a Christian background where you just prayed to Christ and everything was okay without making amends, don't work among traditional ndn people.:grumpy:
A man, woman, has to be responsible for their actions.
I know this probably won't help but hopefully there's something you can glean from what I said.
 
TikTock said:
I used to work at the IRS, and read a bunch of wills in tax forms. You would be amazed. a HUGE number of old, nasty people go out of their way to leave 1 cent to a family member, then a paragraph why they chose not to leave anything to that memeber, just so that they'd have to be read it, and others would see it.

Fine by me....nasty people are seldom missed.
Click to expand...

I have not seen the Will, but my sister and her lawyers have seen it. They say it is legit. However you may not understand the depth and power of an old line family with incredible wealth and connections.

My sister had three lawyers shot from under her. She went to the best guy in New Orleans she could find. Old line tiger/pit bull. His first remark was, "We are going to rake this SOB over the coals." Three days later he called her and said, "I am sorry, but I will not be able to handle your case. My schedule is just too full."

Two other lawyers did almost exactly the same thing. Full of fire in the beginning. They smelled the kind of money they could make. Then SOMETHING made them suddenly recant.

When she did find an attorney who would represent her, the real trouble began. Judges cancelled trials at the lastminute. Every block available was thrown in her path.

I hate to say this and would like to think differently of our jurisprudence system, but serious money and influence WILL triumph over right and the little guy.

That is the way it was and that is the way it is.

I would have found a hit man. She told me this solution was offered her ($10,000), but she is really a good person and could not consider that alternative.

I only wish I could have hired Jack Baur from "24." He MIGHT have had a chance.

I am going to go sharpen a khuk and think dark thoughts. But really this is over and best put it behind me.

And yeah, when I saw my littel sister with black eyes, swollen face and bruises, I wanted to go find the SOB and do it to him. I am 6'2", studied Tae Kwon Do and eight years younger. But she begged me to let it go. She is a better person than me. And if I had done it anyway, I might not be here now.

I think that I need to let this go. It has been a catharsis to write this. I find I hate him a little bit less now.
 
tell him to forget that a-hole and all his money and never speak to him again nor accept nor read any mail or email or phone calls.
consider HIM dead and the money spent.
all that guy wants is attention anyway.

You watch, after a year or two without any contact with his son, the money will magically start to trickle forth...
 
Bill I,m not going to comment on what you should do as there are smarter people than me here to advise you or at least offer council . I will say that i turn the other cheek .(When I think its deserved .) I know for me the best revenge is to make the man of no consequence to you . Easier said than done . I practice this to try and perfect it . The greatest crime upon you is the change it makes in you . It is not easy as the influence is there while you try to negate it . It is hard to be serene when you got a dog biting your A$$ ! As for more down to earth advice ? We got some real smart puppies in the Cantina , yourself included . Maybe you just need someone to see it from the outside . Positive energy sent your way .
 
Bill,

I know what it is to hate. I felt I had damn good reasons.

One day, I forgave myself, and found I forgave everyone else in the process.

It is hard to see good folk get hurt, I know. :(

Better times, good memories, and peace to you.

John
 
Two things come to mind.

First is, that sometimes for tax reasons, inheritances can skip a generation. When my grandfather passed away, he left the bulk of his earnings to the grandchildren, but we don't get them until our parents (in my case, my mother) pass away. That's how it is written into the will, and again, done for tax purposes. Mom and Dad are the executor's of the trust, get all the interest, but can't touch the principal.

Second is, there are people in this world who truly suck.


With my limited understanding of this particular situation, I would say that only #2 applies here.

Sorry Bill, hopefully he slips on a banana peel into oncoming highway traffic.... He should take care of his own kid, not use him as leverage to hurt someone else.


Maybe you could forward this thread to him. :D

~ bamboo
 
Go to the court house get a copy of the probated will. Then get a good probate attorney to advise . Trustees and /or executors can be changed. Al
 
Ultimately, only one thing matters.
You.

Along with other grey heads, I too have been there.

You are of no use to your loved ones if you carry rage and bitterness. Some of us have to learn the hard way, some can learn through others experience.

It's a personality thing..

I have learned to believe in Karma. It all takes care of itself.

Sounds like a cop out, right?

Stick around.. Sounds like you are getting there:thumbup:

Very best wishes,
Brent.
 
You said he's 70, right? Just wait behind his house until he goes into his backyard, then jump around the corner and shout "BOO!!". Presto, nice clean job, no prints, no nothing. If any neighbor asks, say it was a bird.

In all seriousness, some things you just can't control. Roll with it as best you can, and know the hard times don't last forever.
 
Yvsa said:
Bill I'm really sorry about this my friend.
<snip>
... southern humor email I sent you the other day and it saying that, "Some people just need killin."? Well that's true, some people do just need killin and this old bastard sounds like a good candidate, unfortunately it just happens to be against the law.:grumpy:
<snip>
Click to expand...
Yvsa and Bill;
My late brother, the international terrorist, loved that saying.
He also liked "The only reason some people are still alive is it's against the law to kill them."
I was reciently led to look into Theravada Buddhism by the statement that Westerner followers didn't necessarly belive in reincarnation but that karma affected one in the present life.
I wish you the best, Bill, my friend, and hope you are able to purge yourself of this anger which can harm you more than the actions of the one who caused it.
 
Bill?

You will resolve this because of who you are:

A good man.


Lemme know if I can help.
 
Kismet said:
Bill?

You will resolve this because of who you are:

A good man.


Lemme know if I can help.
Click to expand...

I hate "me to" posts, but Bill is a good man.:thumbup:
 
Bill Marsh said:
I have not seen the Will, but my sister and her lawyers have seen it. They say it is legit. However you may not understand the depth and power of an old line family with incredible wealth and connections.

My sister had three lawyers shot from under her. She went to the best guy in New Orleans she could find. Old line tiger/pit bull. His first remark was, "We are going to rake this SOB over the coals." Three days later he called her and said, "I am sorry, but I will not be able to handle your case. My schedule is just too full."

Two other lawyers did almost exactly the same thing. Full of fire in the beginning. They smelled the kind of money they could make. Then SOMETHING made them suddenly recant.

When she did find an attorney who would represent her, the real trouble began. Judges cancelled trials at the lastminute. Every block available was thrown in her path.

I hate to say this and would like to think differently of our jurisprudence system, but serious money and influence WILL triumph over right and the little guy.

That is the way it was and that is the way it is.
Click to expand...

Do you have Freemasonry in the US as that scenario smacks of it? I would contact a lawyer from out of state. I would also pay a couple of bikers to go and 'have a word' with the brother in law one dark night. I did that once and someone that saw it said 'the guy wasn't shittin bricks, he was building houses'! It made him behave and he left the area shortly after.
 
Bill, you get major points in my book for even TRYING to forgive a POS like that.
 
I've posted before about the backwardsness and corruption that is rampant in Louisianna. I love that state, and its culture, and my famiy that is still there is dear to me, but its a state where money takes care of money. Google Edwin Edwards for one example.

Bill, is your sister and nephew still living near him, or have they relocated?
 
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