Update on Great Uncle Frank.

Bill Martino

Bill Martino

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Mar 5, 1999
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Last week the leading heart surgeon (developed techniques for open heart surgery without stopping heart and can do a bypass in about 1/3 time of regular methods using a couple of tools he designed himself -- has appeared on TV)from St. John's Hospital in Springfield gave us a call. It went something like this:

"I realize I'm not your primary care doctor but I took a special interest in your father's case because he should be dead and isn't. I am trying to determine why and perhaps learn something."

Additionally he said, "Your father's heart is not strong enough to keep him alive. As a result his brain along with all organs are dying due to lack of oxygen and blood supply. My advice is to make him as happy and comfortable as you can and let him do what he wants."

What he says is absolutely true. I can detect an almost daily deterioration in Dad's mental abilities and he continues to fail. His weight is now down to less than 110 pounds -- from a prime of about 170. He still knows all family members but doesn't know what day it is and does not remember being in the hospital on his last two trips. Nothing we say to him registers for more than 10 or 15 minutes. It's sad to see and the feeling of helplessness is overwhelming.

I guess what the heart surgeon doesn't know is just how tough a character Dad really is and I'm thinking that maybe he has been and still is just a little too tough for his own good.

I get a feeling of guilt for praying that my Dad dies but that's what I'm doing. God bless him and give him a pleasant journey.
 
All journeys have a begining and an end. The grand journey of life is no exception. From the sounds of things your father has had a long and eventful life, I suspect he will have quite a few travelers tales to tell on his next travels.

I celebrate the conclusion of your fathers journey with you and hope that it ends with as little pain and as much honor as possible. I wish you both well in the parting and your father well on the journey that he will soon be starting.
 
Uncle Bill,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

You shouldnt feel guilty wanting peace for your dad. I dont think he could ask for a finer son.
 
My own father passed away in October, and was similiar in that he was a real tough, resolute fighter to the end. My father was always my greatest hero, and taught me much about life, respect others, and other good stuff. He was a retired N.Y.C. Special Services Policeman, and worked hard to support his family and send send his kids off to school. He is sorely missed, but has since moved on to bigger and better things.

I was unfortunate in not being able to make the trip from Italy to Viginia in time to share with him his departure, but he was not conscious when he did leave his body. Your dad is, and you are blessed that you can communicate with him, and express all that is needed to be expressed. Hang strong... Dan
 
Prayers that your father finds his peace in the way that God finds best.

Prayers that you and your family find strength during this time and that you absolve yourself of guilt for wanting what you believe to be in your father's best interest.
 
Bill as you said the other day in another post, "Be easy on yourself."
Smoke will be sent this evening praying for a smooth passage for everyone concerned.
 
Geeze, Bill. I can see why.

I wonder if they'll ever figure out what, 'toughness' is?

My Dad made a difficult decision regarding his Father 10 years ago. The Old Man was 99 and dying. He could get another corrective surgery to go on a little longer, but at what price? They pulled the plug, there by his bedside. A young and stupid nurse came by and told my Uncle's wife: "You're killing that grand old man, do you know that?"


I wish I'd been there just to deal with her. It took my Aunt a while to get over the hurt.


munk
 
Actually, it's life that got him. gets us all.

Bill, congrats to you and Frank, especially Frank! Even in death we must celebrate life. That's when it is most important and appreciated.
 
You don't have to feel guilty for being compassionate and wishing your dad an easy passing or transcending.

Trust me and trust in yourself, once it's over you will feel satisfaction in what you have done for him. A very profound sense of having done right by him, of having been there for him under difficult circumstances. It'll overwhelm the regrets shortly afterward.

Your love for him is patent to me and others, and you can't tell me he desn't/won't know it somehow.

Sending some of Yangdu's chandan incense. Yangdu, if you are reading this the incense you gave me is being used and appreciated. Thank you.

May we all find the peace we've longed for someday soon enough.

Love
 
Brother Fred and I just got back from spending the day in Springfield with Dad. He's down to 108. Won't eat or drink much at all but still hanging on even though he prays to go.

It's tough on all of us. Sister Jerry, the primary care giver who is living with Dad, is exhausted. Fred had a panic attack of sorts today and drenched his shirt with sweat in maybe 3 or 4 minutes. Sister Frances (breast cancer survivor) can't handle it at all and is staying away. I'm hanging in but feel myself getting weaker.

Nobody ever said it would be easy and they were right.

Can't thank those who offered prayers, well wishes, smoke, and concern enough -- no way possible.

I gotta drink a Heineken and try to get recharged.
 
Sending prayers your way, Uncle Bill.
I know the last days are very tough, I just went through it.
Stay strong. My thoughts are with you and your family.
 
I was a lot younger when my grandfather went his way. It seemed very hard then. I don't know just how I would handle the same thing at the age I am now.
 
Been there twice, Bill. One wife and one father. Both tough. As stupid as it may sound, we'd all take you in our arms and hug you until whatever strength we can spare would be transferred to you. If it were possible. Prayers anyway. Tears too.
 
Uncle Bill:
Untill recently I would not have understood what you meant by "Praying for death". My personal Religion does not allow for for that sort of thinking.

But (as sad as it was for me...and to me wrong) I did pray for my Fathers death. [I do not feel good about this]. But I look at it sorta this way. A proud Man should have the decency of a proud death! And I know I would not like to "live" that way.

Uncle Bill I do mean this as a positive post, please take it this way, I will ask the Ghost tonight to speed you Father on His way. I'll deal with my conscience later.

Love You, Youre Wife, and Your Dad.
 
My thoughts and prayers with you, Bill. I've seen this situation happen a number of times and it always takes something out from you. I've found it best to remember the good times shared and get on with life as I'm sure that this is what Frank would have wanted.
 
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