This thread reminds me of this poem by John Nelson
Did you ever notice when a ride gets long
or a hunt begins to drag,
how your guide will pull an apple or orange
from his old saddle bag.
He'll unfold his Buck, then carve 'er up
in four quarters neat and nice,
with hand outstretched, eyeball the dudes,
and insist they take a slice.
The greenhorns to this adventurous gang act
with zest to his tempting morsel,
slam'er down the hatch with a toast to health
on its way to their twisting torso.
But, the old hands keep their distance like
an old mule you might try to halter.
Regardless sweet juicy tempt and chides,
in negative response the never falter.
"No" they say, "I've got my own," or the Doc
says it gives 'em a sporadic liver.
Its not that they don't partake of fruit.
It's the guides knife that makes 'em quiver.
Just watch this salty mountain gent as he
goes about his back country duties,
and heed the ways he wields that knife.
You'll find he has some beauties!
He'll pick up a horse's gimpy foot, and
commence to clean out all the crud.
Your nose says bet that scraped out
stuff (sniff) surely ain't all mud.
He’ll take your daily catch of trout,
slit and clean them in one sitting.
Then cut through the shiny pile that’s
left,just to see what the fish were hitting.
He’ll set a screw in your fishing reel,
cut the twine from alfalfa bales,
splice reins, scrape the bot eggs from horses’
hair, and clean his fingernails.
He’ll cut bandages from an old wound, and
use the blade to bell a mule,
skin an elk, pry the caps off fly repellent
and the cans of Coleman fuel.
“Don’t you think you should wash your knife?”
You offer him this warning.
“Sure,” he nods, “ I boiled it in the coffee pot,
just the other morning.”
He looks at you, then smiles and winks, says,
“Just kiddin”, I don’t really mean it.”
“When I think my ol’ Buck needs a change of
Oil, I slice an orange to clean it.”
So, if your guide offers an apple slice,
just smile and say, “Of Course.”
Then ease off gently away from the group,
and feed it to your horse.
But, if an orange slice is his only gift,and
now your gut’s not feelin’ placid.
It’s time to develop a sudden allergy
to all forms of citric acid.
http://www.majesticwest.net/cpoet2.html