- Joined
- Dec 25, 2000
- Messages
- 868
Now, the uninitiated may be asking themselves "What's so tough about killing a cow? Is this all it takes to become a Suspect?"
Of course not. Have you forgotten the goat factor?
Let's run through this briefly, shall we?
Suspect Candidates must be accompanied by a minimum of four Usual Suspects to a remote field. Suspect Candidate then gets into the cow suit, is led 100 yards out into the field, where he is presented with a lactating goat which he must drain orally until empty (while doing so the Candidate is screamed at and called "Utter Sucker" by the attending Suspects). Suspect Candidate must then guzzle a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 grape wine OR Peppermint Schnapps, eat one dozen Slim Jims, and smoke a cuban cigar. Suspect Candidate then jogs in place for 5 minutes while the other Suspects hose him down with pepper mace (10%), and THEN the Suspect Candidate is turned to face the cow which he must kill with his bare hands in less than one minute. If Suspect Candidate vomits at any time during this entire process he must start all over again.
Another snapshot from the Usual Suspect family photo album;
Here our own 2Sharp demonstrates his profound stalking skills just before nightfall. 2Sharp is a certified instructor at our Suspect Indoctrination Training Camp in Sweden. He can kill a cow in less than 6 seconds, even when his blood alcohol content surges above .30.
Of course not. Have you forgotten the goat factor?
Let's run through this briefly, shall we?
Suspect Candidates must be accompanied by a minimum of four Usual Suspects to a remote field. Suspect Candidate then gets into the cow suit, is led 100 yards out into the field, where he is presented with a lactating goat which he must drain orally until empty (while doing so the Candidate is screamed at and called "Utter Sucker" by the attending Suspects). Suspect Candidate must then guzzle a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 grape wine OR Peppermint Schnapps, eat one dozen Slim Jims, and smoke a cuban cigar. Suspect Candidate then jogs in place for 5 minutes while the other Suspects hose him down with pepper mace (10%), and THEN the Suspect Candidate is turned to face the cow which he must kill with his bare hands in less than one minute. If Suspect Candidate vomits at any time during this entire process he must start all over again.
Another snapshot from the Usual Suspect family photo album;
Here our own 2Sharp demonstrates his profound stalking skills just before nightfall. 2Sharp is a certified instructor at our Suspect Indoctrination Training Camp in Sweden. He can kill a cow in less than 6 seconds, even when his blood alcohol content surges above .30.
)????
that was pretty cool!
