Waves of Disgrace; Tales of Horror and Humor

Eric Blair

Eric Blair

Joined
Dec 25, 2000
Messages
868
Okay, let me start this thread by saying that I am a HUGE fan of the Wave, and can't imagine carrying a defensive knife without the Wave. There is nothing faster and nothing more impressive than a practiced Wave draw. Once mastered it seems like the most naturally fluid of all motions. I worship the Wave.
However,...I have both witnessed and heard tales of many interesting Wave encounters. Here's the one that cuts closest to home for me;
I'm right handed and took fairly naturally to the Wave on my Commander. Within an hour of taking my new Commander out of the box, I had a really clean Wave draw 9 times out of 10. So, happy with my newfound Commander skill, I went over to a knife buddy's house to show him what all the fuss was about.
My friend Doug is a no bull**** kinda guy. As soon as I arrived at his home, he said "Show me." I drew the Commander back horizontally with a fairly impressive "whoosh-snap!" and Doug's eyes bugged. He simply said "Again", so I repeated the draw for him. Now he was nearly giddy and said "Let me try! I gotta try that!"
Problem: Doug is a lefty. I gave this about 2 seconds worth of thought and clipped the Commander to my left pocket. I then drew the Commander horizontally forward with a "whoosh-snap!" and said to Doug "Draw it like that since you're a lefty, okay? And be careful not to re-circumsize yourself." Doug nodded affirmative, all the while wondering to himself if Emerson makes a left-handed Commander.
So, Doug places the Commander into his left front pocket, and as he prepares to draw it, his fiance's German Shepherd bounds into the room curiously. "Whoosh-click-SLICE!" Uh-oh. The dog caught the belly of the Commander dead center with his big wet nose.
The big shepherd whimpered for an instant, but otherwise seemed to have no clue as to why the kitchen floor was becoming puddled with blood.
Two problems;
1. Doug's fiance hates knives.
2. Doug's fiance loves her dog and her cat.
So it became fairly obvious to us that the only safe way out of this was to blame it on the cat.
We concocted this long complex story about how the cat was sleeping on the dog's bone, and when the dog poked at the cat to retrieve his bone, the cat went ballistic and sliced the dog's nose wide open, straight down to the bone. Accidents and misunderstandings like this happen all of the time, right? It's no ones fault. The animal kingdom is an imperfect place, right? Yeah, try telling all of this to a lady who had her cat de-clawed only 3 months prior to all of this.
Needless to say, Doug never got his lefty Commander, and I don't bother going over there to show off my toys anymore.

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Eric
(aka Ed Jezz)
The best toys are the ones that you can put an eye out with.
 
<center><h2>ROTFLMAO!!
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Ed, that is one of the funniest things I have even read here on the forums. I felt like I was there, concocting the cover story with you.

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John
 
Eric! That's hilarious!!! LOL! I can just see you and your buddy with the "uh oh" look on your faces, the triumph of concocting the perfect cover, and then having it all crumble down... does your buddy still have a girlfriend?
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Eric!
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That was hysterical!!! Not for you obviously! My husband just read it to me and we are still laughing!
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But I couldn't help thinking as the story unfolded - she's never going to believe that! Cat's don't cut like that. Not like big blades like the Commander! And then we read that the cat was declawed! TOO MUCH!!!!

So is your friend still engaged? I love knives, but don't f***k with my animals.

BTW, my husband has a left handed Commander. He loves it. And lucky for him, he hasn't had the same misfortune as your friend. Although, we have cats, who are far too dignified to care about our toys or blades, let alone come bounding into the room to have a look see.

(still chuckling) Whew! That was a good one!
 
Man that hurts! Did the dog have to go to the Vet for stitches? (whimpering away as I recall the $525.00 I spent two months ago for our cat on surgery after a dog chased it up a tree and it slipped down impaling itself on a broken branch since we had it de-clawed)
 
Well, the dog NEEDED stitches but didn't get any. I guess that this is actually part2 of the story.
While his fiance was reamin' us for the obviously attrocious lie that we had concocted, she's screaming "Take Bear to the hospital! He's bleeding to death!! Take him to the hospital!!"
Hey, sounds good to me, I'll do anything to get out of here right now, right? So Doug picks up Bear and we're walking out through the garage towards MY Corvette in the driveway, and I'm like "Wait, my Corvette is brand new. Why are we taking MY Corvette? And Doug says "Because I'm carrying the dog! Do YOU want to carry the dog?" No. The dog nearly outweighs me. But I don't want dog blood all over my interior either.
So, quick thinker that I am (yeah, right) I grab a tube of SuperGlue from one of the shelves in the garage, and we hop into my Vette, drive around the corner safely out of hostile fiance's view, and I glued Bear's nose shut. Not his nostrils. Just the cut.
Doug was like "Hey, it worked. It stopped bleedin'" and I'm like "Of course it worked. It's SuperGlue!"
Well, we arrived at the Veterinary office and I said "What's the point of going inside? The bleeding stopped. The vet is just gonna charge you $200 ( lefty Commander money) and give us this big lecture about gluing dog noses shut. He may even call the Humane Society and they'll sue us or have us arrested for animal cruelty or have the Bunny Huggers picketing outside of your house. Is this what you want??"
No, this is not what Doug wanted. So after about an hour of driving around town, I dropped Doug and Bear off at their home. No, I didn't bother staying for the rest of the fallout. Doug told his fiance that the Vet used some type of new high-tech adhesive to seal Bear's wound, and his fiance seemed obliviously happy with this sad fib.
Apparently Bear's nose dried up and fell off around 3 weeks later, but other than that he's fine. Doug is still engaged. I called him a few weekends ago to see if he wanted to go to a gun show with me. He said "I want to go, but I can't." Still suffering for past sins, I suppose. Such is life. I'm just glad that my wife expects me to do idiotic things occassionally, and accepts it when I do. THIS kind of wife is the only kind worth having. Not once has she ever complained about my Emerson's. But then again, I've never slashed any of our pets either.

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Eric
(aka Ed Jezz)
The best toys are the ones that you can put an eye out with.
 
Eric... you're an evil man.
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So Bear's nose FELL OFF?? LOL I hope it grew back! A noseless dog is about as attractive as a hairless cat. Do you know if the "new adhesive" had anything to do with it? LOL
 
Oh sure. Like I'm the only one with an embarrassing/ridiculous Wave story? I doubt it. Cough one up, David. You've hinted about at least two. We'll settle for one now and one later, k?
And John? You expect us to believe that someone who owns several thousand Commanders has never cut anything that they weren't supposed to?? Your yard is probably knee deep with dog noses.
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BTW, Bear's entire nose didn't fall off. Just 80% of it. Most of it grew back, but it looks like a big raisin. Battle scars build character.

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Eric
(aka Ed Jezz)
The best toys are the ones that you can put an eye out with.
 
Eric,
Your killing me, stop it!!!
You know that some Veterinarian is going to read this, by this time next year Super Glue will be standard treatment on pets with a nasty gash!! It sounds like you can't beat it, only a few side effects!
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Thanks for sharing this classic, and after I have about 500 posts under my belt, I too will share a funny tale, that happened to.... a friend, yeah a friend, thats the ticket.
 
OK . . . . I only have one . . . honest . . and it's not even a "Wave" story really. It really doesn't hold a candle to your cutting a dog's nose off.
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When I'm not working (and half the time I am) I wear Royal Robbins "5.11" pants and "Blue Water" shorts . I must have twenty+ pairs, all different colors. I don't even own a pair of jeans.

I carry a Commander in my right rear pocket religiously. If I'm awake . . if I have pants on, I have a Commander. Period.

When you carry a Commander in your front pocket, the back of the blade is trapped against the seam of your pants. But . . if you carry it in your right rear pocket, the back of the boy is against the seam and the back of the blade is free from obstruction. Not a problem . . . unless you figure that if you loosen the pivot, the blade is just that much slicker . . . .

Weeeeell, one day I get that ol' pivot juuuust right. The girlfriend wants to go to Chili's for dinner and I end up driving her car. We eat dinner and as I reach for my wallet, my hand brushes up against an open bladein my pocket. I carefully remove my hand from my pocket and check to see that all my fingers are still present. The finger count came up fine, but I cut a hole in the bottom of my pocket, cut the seat cushion and when we went to the car, there was a really nice "J" cut in the driver's seat.

Every time someone would asked if my knives were sharp, she would start up with "Ohhhhh, let me tell ya' what he did to my car seat . . ."

Now for the good news: She's now the "Ex-girlfriend" and I just helped her get the new boyfriend a Commander . . .
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[This message has been edited by John Hollister (edited 12-27-2000).]
 
John, there's a phrase that you used that seems nearly exclusive amongst Commander loyalists; "Checking to see if my fingers were all there." I've seriously done that a time or two myself. I tend to carry my Commander inside the waistband on my rear right side, and there has been a time or two when I fumbled on the draw and felt the blade firmly kiss the back of my knuckles. For a second you get that sinking feeling, but then when you see that all digits are in tact you just kind of say to yourself "Minor price to pay for having a Wave."
What's the other common Commander loyalist phrase? Yeah, "Scary Sharp". Very true.

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Eric
(aka Ed Jezz)
The best toys are the ones that you can put an eye out with.



[This message has been edited by Eric Blair (edited 12-27-2000).]
 
The "Wave" is the . . . stuff.
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Absolutely the fastest way to deploy a knife short of carrying a fixed blade.

I have been carrying the same '98 Commander for two and a half plus years. I have untold thousands (literally) of draws and haven't cut myself yet. I've seen it done, but there again, I see people cut themselves all the time with all sorts of different knives. I carry a stack of Bandaids to gun and knife shows.

As with deploying any knife, caution and care should be taken.

Another funny. Last Father's Day I got my father a CRK&T Large KFF. I even taught him how to draw it and flip the blade open.

A couple of days later, he's sporting a knot on his forehead. Turns out he went to do the flip and it slipped from his grasp and "Bonk", nearly knocked his lights out.

Luckily the blade had not deployed or he'd have been doing wearing the "Knife Through The Head" costume for Halloween.

John

[This message has been edited by John Hollister (edited 12-27-2000).]
 
And I thought it was just me who did the crazy things, for a few seconds I could feel myself helpng to glue that dogs nose shut.

That has to qualify as the funniest story this year.

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Eric,
That's quite the story,and while i have never had the opportunity to slice any of my 5 dogs,I did give myself a good slice on one occasion.It was at my honeys daughters' jack and jill party and after liberal amounts of beer and such i noticed some balloons floating by, so out comes the Commander,slicing at the ribbon on the balloon, following through right into the webbing between my thumb and forefinger.We all know that alcohal thins the blood so needless to say there was alot of blood spewn about.Not to mention that a knife knut is not supposed to cut themselves while playing with their own toys.And i still haven't learned my lesson.
P.S. I now have a left hand Commander

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JimBob
 
Ed...

The second half was even better! I had fallen alseep on the couch watching some very stupid movie, when my husband's bursts of laughter startled me awake! I'm surprised you let that dog in your new 'Vet at all.

(and now, what I feel I have to say) SHAME ON YOU BOYS!!!!

Just as a little technical aside...vets do have a "glue" like that, which they use in place of stitches. It's obviously not toxic and won't disintegrate body parts, but I have seen it used on several occasions. So at least that part was plausable.

Gods, his poor nose! No doubt you are no longer welcome in their house, nor wil you be attending the wedding. Fitting punishment would be to make you care for the pets while the happy couple honeymoons. But who would be that stupid?

 
Man Eric, that was the meanest thing I ever heard. Somewhat twisted.
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Since I don't have any kids yet my German Shepherd is sort of like my kid. I just pictured my pup with a Commander stuck straight up on his nose. Ouch. Poor pup.

OK here's my story, I posted it somewhere else before but it definately belongs in this thread too. As you all know John's a big fan of the Commander. I kept reading about how much he loved this knife. I asked myself, I don't get it, what's the big deal. I guess I'll just have to get one to see for myself.

I ordered one & had it shipped to my office as with all packages. Box came. Anxiously opened the box to get to my new toy. Took it out & tossed the box away. Before I go any further I had to give you more info so you can visualize the entire scene. I always wear dress slacks to work. I like them kind of loose. There's a big window in the front of my office which looks into the hallway. Note that anyone standing or passing by can look into my office.

Well, unclipped my Sebenza & put it down. I stood up between my desk & chair. Clipped the Commander on & drew the knife. Remember I mentioned that my pants were kind of loose. Well the wave caught alright, so well that it twisted my pants almost 90 degrees around; when it finally released from my pants I felt it smack my butt cheek. It bounced off my butt & smacked my chair which was behind me. Knife flew out of my hands & bounced around for a little while.

My first thought was to grab my butt to see if it was still round or if there was a piece missing. I was checking the floor at the same time to so if there was a piece of butt lying there. After this I realized that I did hit something. I slowly turned around to see the hugh gash right up the middle of my chair.

Do you ever get the feeling when you know someone is watching you? Well, a crowd of about 4 people had gathered outside my office & was watching the entire show. I quickly sat down to hide the gash. I then put this look on my face like I meant to do that. I have yet to put a request in for a new chair as I don't know how to explain how the gash got there.

Lesson learned, don't use too much force when drawing & the wave doesn't work too well with loose pants.


[This message has been edited by David T (edited 12-27-2000).]
 
Hey, the "new adhesive" story is perfectly plausible, because thay have stuff like that for people too. When my wife had half her thyroid removed, they used this glue stuff to seal the cut in her neck up again. NO! I am not covering for a mishap with my commander in which I used super glue on my wife! There are hospital records, really!

Still, the scar is kind of cool. You should see the look on people's faces when she tells them she was slashed by a mugger, and lived to fight him off!

-Scott

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Usual Suspect In Training
 
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