- Joined
- Jul 10, 2009
- Messages
- 3,094
What's the last thing you want to hear?
For me it's "FIRE, FIRE, I'M ON FIRE! EVERYTHINGS ON FIRE! FIRE!".
So I was laying down watching a family guy I DVRd and I dozed off. My fiancee was in the kitchen wrapping presents. Of course this would end problematic . I wake up to her screaming "fire, fire, i'm on fire! Everythings on fire". I run into the kitchen expecting to see a major overreaction, but no. Somehow some tissue paper landed on a Yankee candle. Well tissue paper likes to fly when it's on fire, cool. There was about 10 separate pieces of tissue paper in a burning inferno floating around my kitchen. I caught one in the air as it was making it's way to my curtains in an attempt to be a much more cinematic fire. As i'm making my way around the house in my boxer shorts snatching fire out of the air, of course I look over and the hood on my fiancees sweatshirt is smoking. Some burning paper landed in her hood, so I took care of that. While taking care of that, some more tissue paper landed on some paper towels that ignited. I grabbed the flaming roll of paper towels and ran outside and threw them in my yard.
I think i'm safe finally, but now the smoke alarms are going off. I'm just trying to shut them up, getting aggravated I run into another room to shut off the alarm and slam my big toe into a chair, which was pretty loud, both the impact and me screaming profanities. Well sure enough one of my english bulldogs is now freaking out and running down the stairs barking. She missed a step or something because she tripped and then tumbled down to the floor. Luckily she was ok, no one went to the burn unit and the only thing damaged in the fire was a potholder that somehow decided to catch on fire.
I swear, I felt like chevy chase in christmas vacation.
After all this, I just started to laugh. Then I hear: "Honey, I have to tell you something"
"What'd you do?"
"I couldn't find a lighter at first so I used your fire thingamagig"
"You used my fire steel to ignite a candle"
"Well I couldn't get it to work"
"sigh"
"I think I messed up your knife...."
"how"
"I was whacking it with the knife and it wasn't making any sparks"
Yeah, she was using my benchmade, edge first to very literally hammer the firesteel. Not scrape mind you, but full on attack it to try and light a candle. WITH THE EDGE! Now there are about 5 chips in the blade.
"Honey, did you atleast light the candle that almost burnt down the house and broke my knife with the firesteel?"
"No, I found a lighter."
Fire...and Knives. They're not for everyone.
For me it's "FIRE, FIRE, I'M ON FIRE! EVERYTHINGS ON FIRE! FIRE!".
So I was laying down watching a family guy I DVRd and I dozed off. My fiancee was in the kitchen wrapping presents. Of course this would end problematic . I wake up to her screaming "fire, fire, i'm on fire! Everythings on fire". I run into the kitchen expecting to see a major overreaction, but no. Somehow some tissue paper landed on a Yankee candle. Well tissue paper likes to fly when it's on fire, cool. There was about 10 separate pieces of tissue paper in a burning inferno floating around my kitchen. I caught one in the air as it was making it's way to my curtains in an attempt to be a much more cinematic fire. As i'm making my way around the house in my boxer shorts snatching fire out of the air, of course I look over and the hood on my fiancees sweatshirt is smoking. Some burning paper landed in her hood, so I took care of that. While taking care of that, some more tissue paper landed on some paper towels that ignited. I grabbed the flaming roll of paper towels and ran outside and threw them in my yard.
I think i'm safe finally, but now the smoke alarms are going off. I'm just trying to shut them up, getting aggravated I run into another room to shut off the alarm and slam my big toe into a chair, which was pretty loud, both the impact and me screaming profanities. Well sure enough one of my english bulldogs is now freaking out and running down the stairs barking. She missed a step or something because she tripped and then tumbled down to the floor. Luckily she was ok, no one went to the burn unit and the only thing damaged in the fire was a potholder that somehow decided to catch on fire.
I swear, I felt like chevy chase in christmas vacation.
After all this, I just started to laugh. Then I hear: "Honey, I have to tell you something"
"What'd you do?"
"I couldn't find a lighter at first so I used your fire thingamagig"
"You used my fire steel to ignite a candle"
"Well I couldn't get it to work"
"sigh"
"I think I messed up your knife...."
"how"
"I was whacking it with the knife and it wasn't making any sparks"
Yeah, she was using my benchmade, edge first to very literally hammer the firesteel. Not scrape mind you, but full on attack it to try and light a candle. WITH THE EDGE! Now there are about 5 chips in the blade.
"Honey, did you atleast light the candle that almost burnt down the house and broke my knife with the firesteel?"
"No, I found a lighter."
Fire...and Knives. They're not for everyone.
