Thanks to all for the helpful replies. I figured something out of the ordinary had to be going on, and now I know what it is (and how to at least have a shot at a knife).
I'm interested in small to medium blades. Maybe a folder on the small end (3-4"). Medium I would count as 4-7 inches, although I'd prefer to keep the blade (as measured from the handle to the tip, regardless of whether it's sharpened) to under 5", because anything above that counts as a weapon where I live (Texas). I'd rather not get pulled over for a taillight being out, and end up going to jail because my blade was 5.5" long. I could see a longer one as useful when camping, but I don't do much of that anymore.
For now, if I want to do chopping, I'll use a hatchet.