This is an Article I wrote for Echo Station...
More elgant weapons, for a more civilized time - and then there is Jar Jar.
First off, I just gotta say it... Wasn't The Phantom Menace GREAT! After 22 years of thinking "What? it starts at Episode 4?" I am not disappointed.
I came to Echo Station to smart off and talk about guns... So let me get to work here.
There has been discussion about the pros and cons of Jar Jar Binks... Let me get this off my chest - Jar Jar Binks kept my 2 year old twins in the seats, and allowed my wife and I to watch the movie in peace. If you dont have young kids - then I am sure you are having a harder time with the Gungan... Who at the first time I saw him during a midnight showing, came across to me as a Goofy/Rastafarian/Gonzo type. The next day, after 2 hours of sleep, with all 4 boys there, Jar Jar clicked. Kade, my five year old was glued - no problems there. Gavin, at 6 weeks was disapproving of THX quality sound dialed up to "Eleven" and promptly fell asleep. Aidan and Kylan - My 2 year old twin demolition team, was a concern. They couldnt quite get into the movie... And then they saw Jar Jar... Who made them giggle with delight every time he was on screen. I think THAT is the reason for Jar Jar.... Thank you, George Lucas!
Now, to the hardware. I had discussed Battle Droids earlier in the "Arms and Armor" article - so I wont rehash it - but let me say a few things here about them. As characters, they did a good job of being interesting lightsaber fodder. The dialogs they had were amusing. They appeared to be as sturdy as a piñata. But remember - they were being hacked to death by two lightsaber weilding Jedi. And of course, as with the Storm Troopers - had they been able to shoot very well, the movie would be over. They struck me as being cheap and disposable foot soldiers.
The weapons the BDs carried looked at first to be based upon the British Sterling SMG as was the E-11 Blaster Carbine the Stormies carried in A New Hope. Upon closer inspection, I learned this was not the case. These droid guns are built from scratch, based on no real firearm. That was disapointing, but no big deal, because they still looked realistic and pretty cool too. At this time, there are no details published about these guns.
The Queen had an interesting little pistol - looking like a small oil can - it too is based on no real weapon. Later in the movie she pulls out a couple hide-out snub-nosed blasters and capture the Trade Federation leaders... That was a cool move. We couldn't see those units very well - but they looked to be small, accurate, and over powered... and just what the Queen would have... No bulky, ugly military grade arms there... Expensive, high quality hardware.
The Royal Guards packed the only "real gun" that I was able to note in the film. Guns they may be - but not firearms. They looked to be based on the CO2 powered pellet firing Olympic Free Pistol made by either Hammerli or Pardini. But at this time I am not sure... There are many "Free Pistols" out there made by several different companies that go from .117 caliber pellets to .22 rimfire. When I find out just what it really is - I will let you all know. These guns are very heavily modified, and dressed up with brushed-chrome rifle scopes. They looked very sharp - and again, just what they would have - rather elegant, and very expensive - to include a grappeling hook launcher, and winch. If Batman had a gun - this would be it. This is also the only blaster in the whole enchilada to be shown that can fire rapidly. Watch how fast it shoots when Mister I-dont-trust-Jedi-Masters Panaca blows out a certain huge window... Wow, a rapid fire blaster. Who would have thought? And thinking of the base gun its built on - huge scope - so it should be highly accurate - and rapid fire... This is probably the most effective personal weapon in the Star Wars universe.
Speaking of rapid fire - we thought TIE FIGHTERS had it good with their rapid fire cannons - they can't touch the Naboo Star Fighter's guns. Faster firing rate means more hits on your target in a dog fight. Regardless, I am still disappointed in the Naboo starcraft... they are much too sleek and sporty looking to be serious fighters. They look more like racing boats to me. They only have 2 cannons, along with the required Photon Torpedo launcher. Give me an X-wing any day. The Naboo fighter may have better aerodynamics and maybe even better speed, but it only has half the firepower.
There was no strategies shown by either the Gungan or Droid armies - just colonial era British style line up and shoot tactics. I am not pleased with that - even if the battle was total eye candy. No flanking maneuvers, no real thought to it. The Gungans, who took the field first, didn't seek high ground as they should have. They gave the droids the high ground, and an advantage. Sun Tzu would not have approved. But then again, Jar Jar was the General there wasn't he?
The droid army had some tanks. These are new to Star Wars, and I was glad to see them. With a crew of three, they should have been more effective than shown, but Lucas didn't want all the kids crying with Jar Jar getting blown up. How did Jar Jar stop that one tank with a single Gungan Ion Ball (what ever the heck those blue balls were)? Well, the Droid that he hit was the comander - based on military standards, that was the commander's hatch it came out of. This being a droid tank - the commander was probably wired to the rest of the crew. So when he was taken out - the crew was too.
We also saw a speeder/jeep blow up one of those droid tanks. I heard the fellow in front of me say "Aw - come on! You can't kill a tank with a Jeep!" I leaned over and said, "You never saw Rat Patrol?" To which he replied "Ah - that's right..." As that old world war II series "Rat Patrol" proved - You CAN kill tanks with jeeps. (Don't try this on your own battlefield... it only works on film)
The last thing I want to say at this time is this...
Tuskin Raiders - those loveable Sand People... Those boys can SHOOT! I mean, if that aint shootin, than grits aint groceries!
Ben said in ANH "These Blast points... too accurate for Sand People, only Imperial Storm Troopers are so precise."
Yeah RIGHT! Those Tuskins were shooting at POD RACERS... targets moving at like, 400 miles per hour. Dont think race car - think low flying jet fighter. And they were shooting from long range too... at least 200 yards from what it looked like. That is a major shooting accomplishment. Not just a lucky shot either - they popped Anakin's Pod 2 or 3 times and took out another Pod all together. TUSKIN RAIDERS now hold the honor of Best Shots in the Star Wars Universe.
That's all I have right now folks. Give me the chance to watch this film a couple hundred more times, like I have the others... and I will have more details for you. Until then, May the Force Be With You.
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I want a Light Saber.
[This message has been edited by Ogre (edited 28 May 1999).]
