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Gold Member
Dec 23, 1998
Well, it's happened, my wife has put a cap on my knife spending. She was checking in my safe and started counting the number of new knives(I forgot to lock the safe). She stopped counting when she hit 40(she missed all the khukuri's). She made me sign an agreement to not order any more for a whole year. I told her that I had many that were already on order and could not be cancelled since the people had already been paid in advance, hehe. She agreed, but made me list what they were so that I could not sneak in any more. Total 12 custom or semi customs still to come(whew!). But she busted me before I was able to call Brend, darn!
I started out feeling sorry for you but by the time I finished reading your post......12 knives in 12 months ai`nt exactly what I would call going cold turkey!
Cobalt -- she counted the knives, but did she list the brands and models? I guess its trading time for you for the whole year?
I know of a fellow forumite who has a nice shiny large Brend combat knife, don't know all the details on it but I could send you his way. He might trade for something sweet. He is even on reserve for one of your Cobalt special khukuries (sp?). I hope you told her about that one. Or maybe I don't!
Try telling her they are investments for Y2K or when social security runs out. Good luck.
e-mail me about the Brend if you feel like honoring that contract gov't style!
There's room in my safe. You can keep buying and I'll just store them for you. Of course, there may be some small "carrying charges."

Have you considered taking out a PO box and a bank box to buy and store new ones?

Can she really do that? I mean, doesn't the constitution have a clause regarding the unalienable right to knife shop?

I think Titan is right. This is an emergency. You must start operation Knife Trade. You being a senior BF member, Cobalt, I know you know what this means but for the new folks, here's the skinny.

You do exactly what Cobalt did. Sign a written agreement. You then continue to get new knives but you can reassure your spose that they are in fact only trades. Is this lying? Sure it is, but who cares? Anyway when she says, "Is that a new knife? You say, "No dear, I just traded for it. As a matter of fact, I traded one of my cheap knives and got this great AT Barr custom 4" folder". This should work for about 6 months. At least that's how long it worked for me. If she actually resorts to counting, then you have another challenge. Remember, this is a challenge, not an obstacle. You then start operation Hide In the Attic. This is a tried and proven plan, first developed by my cousin Fred in 1973 when his wife started to catch on to his exotic collection of Canadian beer bottles. The bottom line is that you won't be able to stop buying knives. Not anyone on this forum, anyway. Oh sure, there's the ethical thing about lying to your spouse and even though I don't advocate dishonesty there comes a time when a man has to take certain chances in life.

Oh yeah, if you get caught, you're freak'n dead and I'll deny any complicity in this mission.

This post will self destruct in 10 seconds....


You can go to sleep in true security. You are truly a politically correct secure guy. YOUR safe was left opened and this girl of YOUR dreams entered it, counted YOUR stuff and mandated a stop to YOUR hobby. Man, I am jealous.
Well, my wife elevated me to the status
of "advanced knife nut" by throwing me out.

I miss her but I do have a Nemesis.
Now that I have a firm grip of reality,
I'm going to strangle it.

[This message has been edited by mgkrame (edited 10 April 1999).]
And you didn't say, "But Honey, I'm just holding these for some friends"? If she ever finds the khukuri stash you're really screwed so I suggest you send all of those to me for safe keeping. I'll send you pictures of them occasionally. Speaking of pictures...

She has seen me get away with the "oh I've had that one for a long time" trick in the past. Oh, but honey, I just forgot to show you that one, I've had it all along. I even had to tell her about the several knives I just ordered, yesterday, which should be on their way to me. I also forgot to put another two customs that are on order and had to sneak and write it on the paper as she sleeps in front of the TV.

She reminded me of the bowie khukuri's.

And then the hipocracy of it all is that she liked the mini stryker by benchmade, and I got her one, and she makes me sign this armistice, two days later. I even got her a 5 star set of kitchen knives that cost enough to fund several more knives.

Yes and I left my safe open to show her some of my latest knives. It was my fault. I kept her in the dark all this time and the day I decide to show what I have, thinking that since she got the stryker she would enjoy seeing other knives some more, she turns on me and attacks.

She did this to me last year with my watch collection. But not before I got her a beautifull Rado.

She did this to me 2 years ago with another hobby collection of mine. But not before I got her several of her own.

And now she is doing this to me with my knife collection. But not before she got what she wanted first.

You would figure I'd have learned by now. It's an obvious pattern.

What's next, my cigar collection? She already hates cigars! I have to go outside in 20 degree weather to smoke them.

The worst part of all this is that I know that somewere along midyear a new knife will come out and I will want it.

Oh, and I forgot to tell her about the Bladeforums knives I ordered. Well one will definitelly become hers now, to appease her.

Wife vs Nemesis huh...tough decision...well honey it was nice knowing you.
I hate to sound cold, but I agree with Nick.
It's time to tell her to shut up or pack up.
I sat down with my wife before we got married and I explained exactly how things were going to be concerning Knives and Guns.
Told her that if she ever tried to force me to choose between her and my other loves, then she knew where the door was.
She understood and still does. That's why we're still best friends, lovers, and buds.

BTW, I ordered her a copy of the book,
The Art of Engraving. I think she's hooked!

Give it a couple months and maybe you'll be able to get a knife prettied up a bit!

I cut it, and I cut it, and it's STILL too short!

I say it depends on what "order any more" is. Seems to me there`s a lot of ways of acquiring knives which don't require the process of ordering. Trades are definitely in. Certainly other knife nuts can send you knives for "evaluation" without an order.
If you made a knife, you could trade at least as many as you made.

Nick and Ken, you guys are tough! I need my hugs and kisses, and my knives just don't cut it there.

I say go for the compromise (no lying or clearly unethical moves). Just work around it like a clever knife guy should. Think of it as a tactical problem requiring a knife oriented solution. We're all with you in spirit.
Guys, guys, guys! Let me give you some time worn tips

1. Separate bank accounts!
2. Encourage dear spouse in interests of her own, like photography or gardening (or any other gadget prone hobby) There's nothing like the look of astontished affection that one gets from saying, "Here, honey, I got you that carry strap (or pack of seeds) you wanted." (As you slip another *somewhat more expensive* aquisition of your own into the house.

3. (This one is obviously too late for Cobalt.) Early on, before the relationship even gets started explain in no uncertain terms that you are who you are and you're gonna do what you like to do, regardless of any attempts to change you. Get that straight from the very beginning and never hesitate to bring it up any time conversation veers into those "male conversion waters" that some gals like to swim in.

4. Start right off collecting very expensive longarms, weapons, historical artifacts and really hideous large works of art. Later, when you move to mere knives it will come as a relief to your spouse that you've finally taken up a somewhat saner hobby.

5. Spend lots and lots of time alone typing into "that infernally damned computer" and spend even more time muttering to yourself while hacking blamefree rope and cardboard to death out in the garage.
6. That way when you do occasionally emerge long enough to offer to chop some veggies for stirfry or pizza, she'll think you're the nicest guy around.

7. Whenever your hobbies or collections come up in conversation in any but the most flattering terms, don't hesitate to point out that you're not like the other guys out constantly chasing other women or wasting money on a cocaine habit or gambling obsession. (Hey, no matter how irredeemably hopeless you are, there's always worse examples you can dream up

8. Get yourself well enough aquainted with defending knives as both history and art that you can defend your hobby to any and everyone from the in-laws to the pastor. And get aquainted with 'knives as tools' well enough to defend your pastime to other male friends and LEOs.
9. Don't ever allow your spouse to "borrow" one of your knives. If she expresses interest, then by all means simply give it to her and tell her to take care of it. Then, just get yourself another one. That eliminates frictions, and the "Oh honey, I got this one just for you" line seems to play fairly well even with frequent repetitions.

Hey, this stuff's worked for me for 20 yrs.

One of these days, in a moment of weakness, you'll see maybe at the hardware store, a bone handled set of pocket knives priced as normal synthetic handles and you buy the entire lot telling the clerk -"early Christmas shopping".
So its time to start practicing now for that day. Stand in front of that mirror and say 10 times in the morning and 10 times just before bed - "No honey they were a gift, I did not buy a knife from Monica Lewinski". Us the finger at the proper time for emphasis too! They really were a gift (to your self), and you did not buy a knife (bought several).

Research has proven conlusivly, eight out of ten women will beleive you!* (*From the Journal of Self Serving Statistics)
"That's my story, and I'm stickin' to it." -Brian
Hey guys, I understand were she is comming from. As long as those knives keep comming every-so-ofetn that will be ok. Trade may be the way.
Okay, you won't spend any more money on knives. From now on you will invest money in knives.

Go to a flea market and come back with a whole box full of rusty old knives with cracked handles, rotted sheathes, etc. Explain to your wife that you got the whole box full for just a few bucks, but they are not the old junk they appear to be -- some of them are valuable antiques! Once you restore them they'll be worth a lot of money, and you'll sell them and buy her jewelery with the profits! And of course you'll probably keep a few special ones for yourself after you restore them -- they'll only appreciate in value the longer you hold them -- and perhaps you'll trade a few for others that will be better investments....

Take one of the rustiest out and wet-sand it while you're watching tv with her, using plenty of water so it drips on the carpet and sofa. You'll only have to do that once; then you will be ordered to confine your restoration work to the workshop (build a workshop if you don't already have one).

Tell your wife you've ordered some restoration supplies and they'll be coming by UPS. When the UPS truck comes take the package into your workshop and be careful not to emerge with a beautiful shiny looks-like-brand-new antique knife until a couple of days later.

Don't forget to buy her some jewelry or something and tell her you got the money for it from one of those rusty old knives you cleverly invested in. Without that step the whole plan will fall apart.

-Cougar Allen :{)
Cougar, you and mps are way to sneaky.

MPS on your points:
1. Wife will not allow. We are as one, so she says.

2. I did that already. It worked for a little while.

3. Yes, it is too late for me.

4. I did that already. My third Hobbie.

5. I did that and also showed the movie, "the Shinning". It didn't matter.

6. Food is my 4th hobbie.

7. Has been done, worked for a while. She knows now that women don't show interest in me anyway.

8. Done that. They are, after all, the oldest tool. Maybe even older than the oldest profession.

9. I do that.