You Know You Live In. . . .

[GigOne]

. . .the Midwest when...

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

. . .in Florida when....

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

. . .in Arizona when...

1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You can open and drive your car without touching the car door or the steering wheel.
3. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
4. You would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.
5. You can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
6. "Dress Code" is meaningless at high schools and universities. Picture lingerie ads.
7. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
8. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
9. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
10. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.


. . .in California when...

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2 The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
4. You know how to eat an artichoke.
5. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
6. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

. . .in New York City when...

1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
4. You think Central Park is "nature,"
5. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
6. You've worn out a car horn.
7. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

. . .in Maine when...

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

. . .in the Deep South when...

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2."ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.
3. After five years you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are Ya?"
4. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, MARY BETH, etc.
6. Children have no names. . .they are addressed as, “my baby” or “my child.”

. . .in Colorado when...

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

 

[Ming65]

In Western Australia when...

1. 'You wanker' can mean anything from 'a curse on you and all of your ancestors' to 'I like your style, your clothes, the way you speak and everything about you. In fact I'd like to base my life on your teachings' - depending on the inflection.

2. When people will stand beside you, rather than in front, to talk because they are so used to talking while looking at cattle, sheep, the football, the surf etc. Having a conversation for it's own sake is a waste of precious watching time.

3. No ones top lip moves when they talk.

4. Peoples hands constantly wave from side to side as if practicing an ancient form of Tai Chi but are in fact so used to brushing away flies that they perform the movements even when the flies aren't there.

5. When several gorgeous women, who would cause a riot in any other part of the world, stand in a pub unnoticed for hours and then go home alone because they are less attractive than the rest of the women there.

6. You consider driving 3-hours each way for a party 'just a quick spin down the road'

7. Within seconds of meeting someone, the the name your parents gave you will be changed by either shortening your first name (eg Kevin will become Kev, Michelle will become Mish) or by adding 'ey' or 'o' to your last name (eg Smith will become Smithey and Johns will become Jonno). This name change will become permanent and will never be altered unless you either leave town or have plastic surgery and change your idendity. If you joine a group of males (like a footy team) this will be even more humiliating because you will get some horrible nickname like 'Maggot' or 'Bumfluff' which will also stay with you for life.

8. Even hippies with torn faded hemp clothing will be wearing $200 sunglasses.

 

[Planterz]

. . .in Arizona when...

1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You can open and drive your car without touching the car door or the steering wheel.
3. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
4. You would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.
5. You can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
6. "Dress Code" is meaningless at high schools and universities. Picture lingerie ads.
7. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
8. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
9. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
10. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.

10 out of 10 right.
5. is very true. The only time you see someone with a suit is at the courthouse.
No complaints from me about 6.
7. is damn true, even in "smaller" Tucson. It's like someone took a densely populated neighborhood in a city like Chicago and squished it flat over a huge area. The metropolitan region, in terms of area, rivals that of the largest cities in the world, but with a fraction of the population.

 

[Esav Benyamin]

. . .in New York City when...
7. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

Eye contact is not an act of aggression. Eye contact on the subway is an act of aggression. :grumpy:

It's like someone took a densely populated neighborhood in a city like Chicago and squished it flat over a huge area.

Why? If you put up big buildings, you'd have someplace to stand in the shade of.

 

[Rugger]

Eye contact is not an act of aggression. Eye contact on the subway is an act of aggression. :grumpy:

True- You get really good at looking at *nothing* even if it's belt-buckle-to-backbone for an hour.

Why? If you put up big buildings, you'd have someplace to stand in the shade of.

If they did that, the people in the buildings would be even CLOSER to the sun. That's bad.

 

[Gollnick]

Let's see... You know you're in Portland, Oregon when

You just passed a Starbucks... and another one... and another one... Oh and look, there's another Starbucks.

You stop at every Starbucks you see.

You have water skied and snow skied on the same day.

There's only one rain storm per year.... of course it starts in October and doesn't end until May or June.

You don't own a rain coat, boots, rain hat, or an umbrella... after all, it only rains once per year.

You've lost track of whether it's AM or PM. It's just overcast.

You refer to your Chevy Suburban as your "small car."

You see no problem parking your Escalade in a spot maked "Compact Only." Afterall, most of the spots are marked "Compact Only" and your Escalade is one of the smallest cars on the lot.

 

[allenC]

You know you're in the Carolinas when...

When people meet you they don't ask where you live, they ask what church you attend.

Your neighbors Grandmother dips snuff or chews tobacco.

A dog is running loose in the super-market and nobody seems to notice.

You mother or your spouse has to check your head for ticks everytime you return from fishing.

Every male (and half the females) over 12 years of age carry a pocket-knife!

 

[fisherk]

Hey Jeff,

I know I'm asking for it but... :footinmou

Nuttin' bout "Joisey"?!?

Your Buddy,
Ken

Edited to change correct spellings!

 

[shootist16]

How about one entitled "You know you live in the hood when..."

 

[Esav Benyamin]

You're from Jersey if:

* You don't think of fruit when people mention "The Oranges."
* You've known the way to Seaside Heights since you were seven.
* You've eaten at a Diner, when you were stoned or drunk, at 3 a.m.
* At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen and you know the town Jon Bon Jovi is from.
* You know what a "jug handle" is.
* You know that there are no "beaches" in New Jersey - there's "The Shore". And you don't go "to the shore", you go "down the Shore". And when you are there, you're not "at the shore", you are "down the Shore".
* Even your school cafeteria made good Italian subs. And it's a Sub, not a submarine sandwich or worse yet, a hoagy, a hero, or a grinder.
* You know how to properly negotiate a Circle.
* You knew that the last sentence had to do with driving.
* You know that this is the only "New..." state that doesn't require "New" to identify it (like, try...Mexico, ...York, ...Hampshire - doesn't work, does it?)
* You only go to New York City for day trips, and you call it "The City".
* You consider putting mayo on a corned beef sandwich a sacrilege.
* You don't think "What exit" is very funny.
* You know that the first "strip shopping center" in the country was on Route 22.
* You know that no respectable New Jerseyan goes to Princeton - that's for out-of-staters.
* The Jets-Giants game has started fights at your school or local bar.
* You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls.
* You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers.
* Every year, you had a least one kid in your class named Tony.
* You know the location of every clip shown in the Sopranos opening credits.
* You've gotten on the wrong highway trying to get out of the mall.
* You know that people from North Jersey go to Seaside Heights, and people from Central Jersey go to Belmar and people from South Jersey go to Wildwood. It can be no other way.
* You were not raised in New Jersey. You were raised in either North Jersey, Central Jersey or South Jersey.
* You don't consider Newark or Camden to actually be part of the state.
* You remember the stores Korvette's, Two Guys, Rickel's, Channel, Bamburger's and Orbach's.
* You've had a Boardwalk cheese steak and vinegar fries.
* You start planning for Memorial Day weekend in February.
* When you say you're going to Englishtown you mean you're going to the flea market, not the town.

And finally...
* You've NEVER, NEVER pumped your own gas.

 

[Ken_McCarty]

I'll take the hood one(since I live in the projects)

1. when you see 20 inch rims roll up on an 86 celebrity(I'll post a pic of this)
2. you can hear your neighbor coming home... from 3 miles away
3. you hear the word "motherf*ker" so much, you think its your neighbors name
4. sunday = church and barbecue, no questions asked.

ok, its harder than I thought, someone else may have to take this up.

 

[fisherk]

Esav,

You pretty much hit it on the head. My only dissenting opinion is, that I'm from Central Jersey and I go to LBI - BEST Italian restaurants down the shore!!

Ken

 

[GigOne]

Posted by fisherk:

Nuttin' bout "Joisey"?!?

I was waiting for a "piney" to chime in and post.......

And no way that I'm insinuating that Esav is a "piney." And he did such a fine job describing Zoo Jersey too !

He did miss a critical one though. . .the number of "sub and or pizza" joints.

 

[fisherk]

Hey Jeff,

What's wrong with "sub & pizza joints"?

Besides LBI sure as hell beats out Tybee Island (in Jo-Ja), where a fighter pilot on a training mission "dumped" his armed Hydrogen Bomb off the coast of, and 30 lb. Barracudas jump into your boat and attack you!!

Fire Away !

Ken

 

[MikeH]

You know that the list is written by a Yankee when it contains this item:

"ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.

I have lived in the South all of my 58 years and have never, ever, heard a Southerner use y'all as a singular pronoun. Y'all is always plural, just like, "you'se guys". If we want a singular pronoun, we say, "you".

Y'all is singular only in bad movies where the actors all have fake accents.

 

[MAURICE]

You know that the list is written by a Yankee when it contains this item:

"ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.

I have lived in the South all of my 58 years and have never, ever, heard a Southerner use y'all as a singular pronoun. Y'all is always plural, just like, "you'se guys". If we want a singular pronoun, we say, "you".

Y'all is singular only in bad movies where the actors all have fake accents.

100% true. All y'all? Never heard of it.

You know your in the south when you are in a resturant and order tea and the waitress brings you sweet without having to specify.

 

[ohoisin]

you know your in wv when you can tell if your from the northern part of the state or the southern part by whether you call a plural group of people you'ins or y'all

you know your in wv if every male over the age of 8 has a knife (pocket or otherwise, liberals though they may technically count as male in other parts of the country do not here, and at least 50% of them here still carry a knife)

you know your in wv when you can't tell the difference between a demacrat or a republican by talking politics with them or by most of their voting record.

you know your in wv red meat is venision not beef

you know your in wv pork aint the only other white meat.

you know your in wv if its as cold as alaska in winter and as hot as florida in summer, and rains almost as much as seattle in the spring and fall.

you know your in wv if the sun sets 2 hours before dark due to going behind the mountains

you know your in wv if you can go to the courthouse in jeans and a dress shirt, and your a lawyer

you know your in wv if there are more dogs than people in your hollow.

you know your in wv there are more broken cars than running cars on your street.

you know your in wv if your captial city has 50,000 people the metro area 250,000 and covers an area about the size of chicago. (of course thats up the hollow around the hill etc.

and finally you know your in wv if directions to somplace include down the hill and around the corner or you turn off the hard road.

 

[GigOne]

Posted by fisherk:

What's wrong with "sub & pizza joints"?

That's the one thing that I do miss about Zoo Jersey. . .they've got some of the best pizza and sub's !

But. . . .

There must be a law. . .that makes it a requirement to have a minimum of 2 on every street corner. Just like churches in Joe-Ja.

Posted by fisherk:

Besides LBI sure as hell beats out Tybee Island (in Jo-Ja), where a fighter pilot on a training mission "dumped" his armed Hydrogen Bomb off the coast of, and 30 lb. Barracudas jump into your boat and attack you!!

Oh yeah. . . .howz bout this:

Abandoned BOMARC Missile Base:

"The worst nuclear accident in the United States prior to Three Mile Island"

Location: Route 539, Plumstead Township, Ocean County, NJ

The site was the scene of one of the worst nuclear accidents in United States history that the public knows about. The BOMARC site, located on Route 539, was a Cold War air-defense site that operated from 1960 to 1972. A June 7, 1960, fire in a missile shelter melted the nuclear warhead on one missile, and plutonium from the warhead core was flushed out of the concrete enclosure with firefighting water.

PS: Zoo Jersey could be (and is by most) considered a toxic waste site.

- New Jersey is a leading industrial state and is the largest chemical producing state in the nation

- New Jersey has the highest population density in the U.S. An average 1,030 people per sq. mi., which is 13 times the national average.

- New Jersey has the highest percent urban population in the U.S. with about 90% of the people living in an urban area.

- North Jersey is the car theft capital of the world

- New Jersey is a major seaport state with the largest seaport in the U.S. located in Elizabeth.

- Redman, Das EFX, Naughty by Nature, Sugar Hill Gang, Lords of the Underground, Jason Alexander, Queen Latifa, Judy Blume, Arron Burr, Whitney Houston, & Eddie Money are from Zoo Jersey.

- New Jersey has the largest petroleum containment area outside of the Middle East countries

- New Jersey has 108 toxic waste dumps. Which is the most in any one state in the nation. In fact, quite a bit of NJ garbage is transported to Ohio



and finally. . .


- NJ state motto: liberty and "Honey, where's my chem gear."

 

[Esav Benyamin]

- New Jersey has the highest population density in the U.S. An average 1,030 people per sq. mi., which is 13 times the national average.

- New Jersey has the highest percent urban population in the U.S. with about 90% of the people living in an urban area.

We are so great, everybody's trying to get in. There is hardly enough room for all of us. We are presently negotiating for some of that underutilized Pennsylvania hill country for bedroom suburbs, at least. I don't know if we can buy up all the land clear over to the Susquehanna, but we're trying.

New Jersey's urban areas are all suburbs. North Jersey is the largest single interconnected suburb in the world!

- North Jersey is the car theft capital of the world

Sure. But it's New York cars we steal.

- New Jersey has the largest petroleum containment area outside of the Middle East countries

So how come our gas prices got so high !?!?!?

- New Jersey has 108 toxic waste dumps. Which is the most in any one state in the nation. In fact, quite a bit of NJ garbage is transported to Ohio

The rest goes back to Joe-Ja, where it fuels the growth of humongous HOGS.

and finally. . .

- NJ state motto: "Home of the American Revolution!" -- and we haven't stopped running around in circles since!

 

[Esav Benyamin]

BDW -- which stands for "by da way" -- cars ain't all New Jersey steals -- I'm a native New Yorker.

What am I doing here anyway ???