You Know You're a Knife Knut When . . .

Oct 3, 1998
You know you're a knife knut when . . .

you eat a raw potato just so you'll have an excuse to peel something.

you find yourself wondering if Superman wipes his @$$ with a Tuf-Cloth.

you lie awake at night trying to think up a clever slogan so you can win a knife you already have.

your two-year-old daughter knows the names of all the implements on a SwissTool.

you're traveling by air and you check a bag you don't need just so you can bring an extra knife (in addition to the three you're carrying).

you're at the local cutlery store and the phone rings. It's for you. It's your wife. (She wants you to pick up a box of potato flakes on the way home.)

David Rock
You know you're a knife knut when;
your 4-year old daughter tells her preschool
teacher the names of all of Daddy's knives.
you dry shave with your new highly sharpened
knife just to show friends how sharp it is.
you have to take out a seperate insurance policy
because your homeowner's policy doesn't have
enough coverage for your knives.
you wear nothing but cargo pants so you have extra pockets for knives.
you win customer of the month at the local cutlery
store 12 months in a row.
you hear the local cutlery store owner tell
customers,"here comes that guy I was telling you about".
All of these comments were completely made
up, none of these have ever happened to me!
You're a knife knut when...

[*] You get bored because all your knives (including kitchen knives) are all sharp

[*] The right front jeans pocket lip is all frayed to heck because of near constant removal and insertion of a G-10 handled clip knife.

[*] When your knives are sharper than your mathematical skills

[*] Are fascinated by the odor of Tuf-Cloth

[*] When you refer to the word "disassembly" in general as "voiding the warranty".

[*] With every live spider that you find crawling on the ground, you take a 2 x 4 and smack it flat to somehow get it to resemble the logo of a popular knife manufacturer. Naw, I ain't that sick!

[*] Your sheeple friends wonder what's the deal with your fascination with butterflies.

[*] Best of all - you know you're a knife knut when you reply to threads like this

[This message has been edited by Dexter Ewing (edited 10-15-98).]
You know your a knife knut when....

it's 6 a.m., your'e just out of bed and the first thing youv'e done is turn on the computer to see what's been happening at

Damn, why didn't I wake up earlier

You order three pairs of cargo pants from Cabelas because they have a special pocket just for a knife.

You get pissed as hell when you receive the pants and realize the pocket isn't big enough for a Leatherman Micra much less your prized large Sabenza!

You think about giving a buddy a knife as a wedding present because you know the new wife won't let him spend that much on a MadDog.

She is drop dead gorgeous with a figure to die for but you still pity him. :0

-you always have a knife with you: in the bathroom, while you're asleep (clipped to your jammies or in a neck sheath, <enter your own location and disposition here>).
-you have a total of 10 stitches worth of knife cuts and you still carry a knife around.
-Dexter: you have at least one pocket frayed from your knife pocket clip. Plus points if all your pockets are frayed.
-you have pet names for your knives.
-you cut things that a normal person would tear or rip (like plastic shrink wrap) just so you'll have an excuse to take out your knife.
It takes you as long to get ready to leave the house as it does your wife, except you're deciding which knife(knives) to carry today. And she notices, AND you DON'T CARE !!!
When you duct tape a Ziploc Bag upside down on the shower wall to hold a knife while yoyu attend to your hygiene.

When you take your knife out of your pocket when on the stool to reduce the draw to strike time.

When you sit on the stool open and closing your knives and praying the guy next to you doesn't get to interested.

When you know how well different types of toilet paper polish finger prints off.

When your co-workers stop looking at your face and start inspecting your pockets as you walk in the door.

When the best feature of your new Carhartt pants is the knife pockets on both thighs.

Maybe more later...
Marion David Poff
you are a knife nut when you need to study for a criminal justice test but are reading his thread.

the choice of what knife to bring to place of worship is a daunting task. bring a nice one or one that will gut someone. what to do. what to do.

your parrents are sorry you ever got into knives.

you can spot a Benchmade or spyderco clip in someones pants from 50 feet away.

you are seriously concidering adding throwing knives to your tac loadout

you have a tac loadout

when someone comes to the door the first thing to do is open your folder (draw your mad dog) and have it ready behind your back, just in case

ditto above when a car pulls up beside you and askes for directions.

you go to local gun and knife stores and know the inventory better than the clerk.

you go to local gun and knife stores and know whether or not they got anything new just by a 20 second scan of the display case.

you concider yourself a generation X'er because mad dog came out with the Mirage X in your life time

you love the thought of "completly undetectable knife"

you have a shower knife(i do)

you pitty people with cheap knives and wish to educate the poor misguided souls

you sneer at people that say "someone will just take that knife from you and stick you with it"

you can take the knife from someone and stick them with it.

you can stop someone from taking the knife from you and sticking you with it.

remember all, it is not the weapons you bring to the fight but the spirit which you bring that decides the matter.
When you open your desk draw at work and coworkers see all the knife catalogs and knife brochures that you keep there.
When for the last 25 or more years you notice that every doodle you ever drew was a knife.
When if anything at work needs to be cut people always come to you.
For that matter anything that needs a tool they ask for your multi-tool knife and you only have a SAK so you start to apoligize.
When your daughters boyfriends are always scared to meet you because you collect knives.
When the clerks know you on a first name basis in the cutlery shop's you frequent.
When your friends don't believe your not looking at dirty pictures on the internet because your always on line either here or some other knife related site.
You panic when someone else decides to use the computer just as you were ready to go check all your favorite knife sites.
When you know just about every custom makers name and have seen examples of there work and you feel like they are old friends even though you have never met some of them in your life.
When the first thing you do with any catalog that comes to the house is thumb threw it to see if they sell knives.
Your happy that the Franklin Mint advertises in the Sunday paper even though you would never buy from them.
When reading about a knife related crime you feel cheated if they don't describe the type of knife used.
When you know exactly which catalog or web site has the best deal on the knife you are looking for the way your wife knows supermarkets.
I'm sure there are tons more but you know I really don't care cause I love my knives

-you talk to a sales clerk about the virtues of a certain knife and later overhear that clerk using what you said as a selling point to another customer.
you offer to sharpen all your friend's bladed implements because they just don't have the right equipment

you give your friends knives as gifts hoping maybe they'll get into it too

you carry more than one knife on your person

you start seriously thinking about offering knife help to total strangers you see on the street just so you can whip out your latest blade

you are a member of

you're always thinking, "Damn, if I just had the tools and the raw materials, I'd make some kickass blades myself!"

the calluses on your hands are knife calluses

you find yourself rapidly opening and closing your knife when you get bored instead of just drumming your fingers or humming a silly tune
This isn't nice, how come you people decided to use me as a model for this topic?

It's kinda scary, but I'd have to say that about 90 percent of what's been posted here so far applies to me...maybe I need a shrink...nah, that's good knife-spending money!

This is like the twilight zone--Shades
You know you are a knife knut when...your relatives bring their knives for you to sharpen when they visit.
You tape a band-aid to the handle to remind them that the knife is now sharp.
A week later you see them wearing the band-aid.
When you are allways looking out of the window at work when you hear a diesel engined van (lots every day) and then rush down to the loading bay to sign for any packages that the courier your knife dealer uses brings in.

You them have a serious sad on all day if your package did not arrive

You lie awake at night wondering if your box from the US will arrive tomorrow, and if it does you lie awake that night as well planing your next purchase

When someone asks, "Does anybody have a knife?" and you answer, "What kind do you need?"

When somebody who would otherwise ask, "Does anybody have a knife?" calls "Jim!" instead.

When people at your house of worship are used to seeing you wearing a bunch of knives and are not alarmed any more.

You have a benign explanation for every knife you carry.

You are so into knives that you start selling them on the Internet.

But I probably don't qualify as a true knife knut, since I don't shower with a knife, and I don't sleep with a knife, because I'd rather sleep with The Wife, and "both" is not an option.

- Edited - testing moderator "control panel"

[Note: This message was edited by James Mattis]
...if whenever someone asks for a knife, your girlfriend/wife/significant other sighs, rolls their eyes, and points at you.

...if your thumbs have .25" think callouses and the strongest muscles in your body.

...if anytime in a movie a knife is shown, you have to tell the people around you who makes it, what type of grind it has, etc.

...if when you unbuckle your belt, your trousers reach your ankles at terminal velocity from the weight of all the steel in your pockets.

...if you've ever used your own knife in a restaurant when their knives "weren't satisfactory"

...if you have Joe Talmage's rec.knives FAQ's printed on paper and with you at all times to give out to educate "non-believers"

...if you remember most of the common Bladeforums poster's daily carry knives and where they keep them (e.g., JKM's BM640 in breast pocket and toothy Military on hip, etc.)

...if you can't get out of Target/Wal-Mart/etc. without spending at least 10 minutes in sporting goods, checking out the knives, even though you think most of them are just average.

...if you have ever written a poem and rhymed "credenza" with "Sebenza"

...if you are reading or contributing to this thread...

Better go before the boss finds me ("just testing the speed of our proxy servers, sir")


You take your carry(s) out numerous times per day just to look at it and marvel how pretty it is, and then wipe it even tho it doesn't need it.

You know every scratch and when/what caused it & where you were at the time.

You have 10X as many knives (quality knives) more than most people and still feel lacking and a little unfulfilled that you don't have more.

You intend to have a knife/fork set for 8 made by your fav custom maker when you can afford it. (and you already know the materials and design even though you haven't discussed it with him).