Am I being too hard on my wife?

Walking Man

Walking Man

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This is a serious question, and will help settle an argument tonight. I asked my wife a question, to which she repeatedly said "I don't know".
The question was:
"What time do you think you'll be home?"
W:"I don't know"
"Can you just give me your best guess?"
W:"I don't know"
Then I said that I knew she was a smart woman, and why can't she just answer the question like anyone else with half of a brain?
My guess is that she would leave where she works within one hour. If I can guess at such as simple question, why the heck can't she just give me a straight answer? I think she's being difficult, what do you guys think? Is this question really that hard? She is a pretty smart woman, sometimes, which makes this even more frustrating.
 
Women and men do not operate on the same system of logic. In fact I'm not convinced that most women operate by any logic system at all. They operate via "feelings". Unfortunately this "feelings" system is wildly inconsistent and not subject to analysis. You also need to realise that the actual words you heard do not necessarily translate into the meaning you think they might normally have. The answer: "I don't know" could have meant any number of things such as:

None of your business
It's not important
I haven't thought about it and don't want to
He hasn't noticed I have a new pair of shoes

Or any number of other variables.

You get used to it after a while.
 
Yeah, she's just giving you a hard time. Probably just asserting her independence. I've been married 38yrs (in spite of her threats! :D ) and have learned to just let some things go. This is one of them. HOWEVER, if your wife is reading this, she should be aware that you are entitled to the same "independence" - but then it just degenerates into a childish spat, or worse. Kiss and make up. :)
 
About a week ago my wife was a little late in getting home from work. She usually rolls in to the garage about 6:00PM, so at 6:30, I get a little curious. 7:00 comes and I get a bit concerned so I call her cell phone and it's off. Call her job phone and no one answers. About 8:00 I'm really nervous, so I hop in my car and go looking for her, thinking that maybe she was in an accident or something. I try to find evidence of a crash or something. By nine, I'm starting to get a bit sick with worry and just don't know what to think. 9:15 she pulls into the garage and walks in the house.

Ok, says I, where have you been? As nicely as I can, not wanting to be nasty, just glad she's OK. Oh, there was a lot of extra stuff to do at work, so I just stayed to take care of it, she says. Why didn't you call me? I was busy, she said.

Now, this is really not like her to do this kind of thing and she gets really pissed off at me when I'm home late from work. (Long time ago when I had later hours) But. it's OK when she does it, I guess. I told her to not do that again. A phone call is just way too easy to make and it only takes about a minute.
 
Walking Man said:
Then I said that I knew she was a smart woman, and why can't she just answer the question like anyone else with half of a brain?
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I'd say that this is where you messed up BIG TIME.

My best guess is if you politely gave her the reason why you wanted to know what time she'd be home, she would be more inclined to give you an accurate answer.
 
Women have a genetic aversion to being on time, knowing what time it is, or caring how long it takes. With luck, you may find one with enough time sense to get dinner on the table at a decent hour.
 
Honestly I would want a better answer than I don't know but perhaps she had a hectic day, had to do some shopping for groceries and things just piled up...surely she'll lighten up. Just take a deep breathe and count to 10. ok, 100?
 
Walking man--tell her you want to know what time you should have dinner ready, and I'm sure she'll give you a more specific answer :D

It's been my experience that in general, women and men deal with time differently. I'm extremely punctual; my wife is not. After sixteen years together, though, I've learned to relax a little bit about time issues. Good relationships often involve a bit of compromise. I'm sure if you asked my wife, she'd say that she often hurries to accomodate my antsy nature :rolleyes:
 
I don't think you're being hard on her, that would annoy me too. If it was a case where she was leaving the house to go shopping/go out somewhere with a friend and get away for a while then it would be one thing where she would understandably want to be free of constraints, but for something like leaving work I think she could give you an estimate out of courtesy.
 
Once again I have to agree with Gajinoz on this one. That or she was going to meet a hit-man to have you "rubbed out". You know how those professional killers can just ramble on.
 
you can never be too "hard" on her. shes your wife!!:D
 
My goodness after reading this thread you'd think that women were alien creatures or something. The funny thing is that I'm the punctual one in my household when it comes to planned dates. As for estimates, I usually try to give an estimate on how late I'll be when I'm working late, but oftentimes it's wrong. Sometimes something that seems like it should take an hour can take two or even three hours. This is especially true when you have multiple projects on the table. You'd be surprised. Anyhow, both my husband and I have the same problem in providing estimates. We try to be understanding about it with each other. Some nights, I get hesitant to provide an estimate because I know that, reflexively, I try to provide a "hopeful" time estimate which I often can't satisfy. Then, when I'm an hour or two over, my husband calls saying, "I thought you said..." :( He doesn't get angry or anything, just concerned. He does the same thing sometimes, and then I'm the one calling with the "I thought you said..."

I think you should give your wife some slack. The woman is trying to do a good job at work. What would happen if she gave you an estimate that was entirely wrong? How would you react? Perhaps that's why she's loath to provide you with an estimate because she doesn't want to be "punished" if she's wrong. I also think that you should be more thoughtful in your approach. Try telling her "why" you want to know. Instead of attacking her tell her that you miss her or something. "You're an intelligent woman, you can come up with an estimate," sounds like an argument to me.
 
We had a cordial and brief discussion concering this issue, (last night) and after counting to 100 around 18 times, it finally worked out. :D
 
jsmatos said:
I think you should give your wife some slack. The woman is trying to do a good job at work. What would happen if she gave you an estimate that was entirely wrong? How would you react? Perhaps that's why she's loath to provide you with an estimate because she doesn't want to be "punished" if she's wrong. I also think that you should be more thoughtful in your approach. Try telling her "why" you want to know. Instead of attacking her tell her that you miss her or something. "You're an intelligent woman, you can come up with an estimate," sounds like an argument to me.
Click to expand...
I don't expect my wife to be able to predict the future, I just wanted a best guess. I never demand that she come home at a certain time, nor does she. I understand the hesitatancy, and if she had provided me some kind of reason, ANY reason of why she didn't want to give me an answer, that would have been better. What bothered me was a complete lack of meaningful communication, and I think that's fair. Game over, anyway, see above.
 
Where'd she go?

If she was going out with her girlfriends to see "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" and coffee afterwards, I don't see any cause for concern.

If she was meeting an old boyfriend who just got divorced and wanted to "catch up" on old times, I'd understand if you were concerned. :p
 
Part of what happened here (the untold story) is that this is symptomatic of a lot of other answers she's given me before. It drives me nuts. Yes, I understand that we need to pick our battles...... but I need to get straight answers from her. I always give her that courtesy. So, really this was a small part of something else that we are working on, together. We've been married less than a year, and we have a long way to learn how to get along best with each other, and I firmly believe in at least giving somekind of feedback when asked a question.
.
Oh, and she didn't go anywhere.
She said she was going to come home.
.
Please can we let this die now?!?
 
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