armchair commando prose

firkin

firkin

Joined
Jan 26, 2002
Messages
2,737
This is so ridiculous, it is worth a look:

http://www.darkopsknives.com/about.html

Sheesh.....

There's a thread on them in General Forum:

http://www.bladeforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=301818&page=1

It seems that the fellow bringing this line out had his prototypes stolen shortly before the Blade show. Very sad, but that doesn't immunize him from ridicule for the lurid means chosen for presentation of his products (nor a preclude a fair evaluation of said products), IMO. Pile on if you like.

Boy, wait until some dork with arrested development brings one of these to school.
 
I agree on many parts, but the company's owner, Frank Miller, is a great guy to deal with and there's no way in hell a kid could afford his knives.
 
These kinds of ads from any maker make it very hard to overcome the bad image that most people have of knife nuts.
 
I'd like to see them. The whole thing is funny. But to complain of the writing as hype in a market that rewards hype and has years of same seems strange to me. So these goofs outhype the hypesters? Spyderco, Cold Steel- give me a break. What does Busse call it's killer blades? Yeah.

Weapons have always fallen to hype. New cartridges are advertised as faster, better, harder hitting- despite replicating existing rounds with similar ballistics. Springfield has poured boo-ku bucks into "Fear No Man" or is it Fear No Evil?

These clowns may have taken the hyperbole to a new level- to comic books or insanity- but our world today proves over and over again that the insane and destructive become the mundane next year.

munk
 
"The blades are long and sharp enough to penetrate both airplane skins and Comm-bloc body-armor. Strategically placed blood grooves control blood spray in covert deanimation activities." :D :D :D I'd like to see some pictures of these beasts.

--Josh
 
I would too- and have to wonder if they even exist. What are those guys gonna do after writing all that?

Their salesmen should dress in Superman outfits


munk
 
It kinda makes me want to write some tactical descriptions of HI khukuris.

"Massive and strategically-placed blood highway (R) guarantees rapid exsanguination during selective extermination operations."

"Differentially hardened razor-honed blades are equally at home chopping eucalyptus trees or Comm-bloc skulls."

"When you need to hack your way out of a downed stealth bomber, you don't want to rely on anything less than HI."

"The Ang Khola: all the power of a suitcase nuke without the hassle of radiation."

--Josh
 
munk said:
I'd like to see them. The whole thing is funny. But to complain of the writing as hype in a market that rewards hype and has years of same seems strange to me. So these goofs outhype the hypesters? Spyderco, Cold Steel- give me a break. What does Busse call it's killer blades? Yeah.

Weapons have always fallen to hype. New cartridges are advertised as faster, better, harder hitting- despite replicating existing rounds with similar ballistics. Springfield has poured boo-ku bucks into "Fear No Man" or is it Fear No Evil?

These clowns may have taken the hyperbole to a new level- to comic books or insanity- but our world today proves over and over again that the insane and destructive become the mundane next year.

munk
Click to expand...

Like I said on the linked thread, I really feel sorry for those that used to make a living writing parody or satire.
 
Firkin-
I've heard that so much the last 15 years or so- that people's lives are stranger than any fiction. You can't make this stuff up. OJ running from the law after hacking his wife and another to death, a slow chase on the Freeway from the Cops, with bystanders cheering him on, and then getting off even after DNA evidence linked him to the crime scent because a white policemen lied that he'd never used the "N' word...


munk
 
I'm crazy; along with my idea of a magazine called, "Desolate Wasteland with Houses" I like the idea of a knife company called the Armchair Commandos.

".....and here at Armchair Commandos, see our newest model, the one we call, Chips n Dip"





munk
 
heeehee! That's the section I was gonna parody as well! I've heard of vapor-ware b4, but having the protos stolen right b4 blade...;) vapor blades? (not to be confused with vorpal blades)

"and here at Armchair Commandos, see our newest model, the one we call, Chips n Dip" :D:D:D
...Whether you're tearing thru comm-bloc sternums in the jungle, or tearing into a bag o- cheesy poofs, we've got you covered. The Chips n Dip model comes with a strategically placed dip channel to transfer quantities of dip to your chip.
The 'Zancudo' model has a hydraulically powered tubular hypodermic spine to drain your deadliest foe fast--also doubles as a powereed slurpie straw to deliver 64 oz. of beverage to you in just under 1.2 seconds."

Heh.

Keith
 
munk said:
I like the idea of a knife company called the Armchair Commandos.

".....and here at Armchair Commandos, see our newest model, the one we call, Chips n Dip"

munk
Click to expand...

Are you accepting orders?
Where do I send my money?
:D :p ;)
 
Here's how I "control blood spray in covert deanimation activities".

splashguard.jpg




I'd sell em' here but I don't have a gold membership.
 
Inspired by Bruise's patent-pending design, I propose we draw up plans for, and ask the Kamis to make-

A Cup-Hilt Khukuri!

Combining the apexes of both Gurkha and Pirate cutting-edge technology, we can create a weapon that might actually stand a chance in battle against a DarnOops Knife! :eek: :D ;) :cool:
 
Semper Fi said:
:D The writer of this drivel deserves an "A" for creativity!
Click to expand...


OTOH, you never know when you might "need to slash through the mob". And another thing.....don't you guys know that the commies aren't our enemies anymore........unless you consider the global economy? So, I don't think we'll be cleaving any commie sternums anytime soon. Just building them another factory or two. :D
 
Bruce,

Is the roll of TP included? I may need to wipe up some excess fluid... :D

I don't know who Frank is, but to the extent that he was responsible for this marketing pitch he is an a$$. This is precisely the type of product positioning that we, Frank, and this industry needs to avoid. I have no idea what these knives look like, nor have I ever heard of DarkOpsKnives; but, this campaign has left me with a very negative image of both their wares and their management.

My suggestion to Frank would be to fire his marketing person, change the name of the company, and introduce the knives if they ever take physical form, under a different name. DarkOpsKnives is dead meat. I hope whoever wrote this garbage seeks good medical attention; they need it.

n2s
 
not2sharp said:
Is the roll of TP included?
Click to expand...

The roll is an optional extra, But it comes with a covert kydex hip sheath. TP is available in tactical black but it's somewhat difficult to use for TPs intended function.
 
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