Bring on a DEATH CHAT!!!

God made little boys, made them out of string,
He had a little left, made a little thing.
God made little girls, made them out of lace,
He ran a little short, and left a little space.
 
Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally, sick of the stress he quit his job and bought 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months, or so, of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there. "Name's Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night.. Thought you might like to come. About 5:00."

"Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."

As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you...... be some drinkin'."

"Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em."

Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."

"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there. Thanks again."

"More'n likely be some wild sex, too!"

"Now that's really not a problem" says Tom, warming to the idea "I've been all alone for six months!
I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"

"Don't much matter ..... Just gonna be the two of us."
 
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D
Schuey2002 said:
Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally, sick of the stress he quit his job and bought 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months, or so, of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there. "Name's Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night.. Thought you might like to come. About 5:00."

"Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."

As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you...... be some drinkin'."

"Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em."

Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."

"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there. Thanks again."

"More'n likely be some wild sex, too!"

"Now that's really not a problem" says Tom, warming to the idea "I've been all alone for six months!
I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"

"Don't much matter ..... Just gonna be the two of us."
Click to expand...
 
A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase some sheer lingerie for his wife.

He is shown several items that range from $250 to $500. The more sheer, the more expensive. He opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself."

So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

Her husband says, "Good Lord! You'd think that for $500, they'd at least iron it!"

He never heard the shot.


The Funeral is on Friday.
 
Schuey2002 said:
Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally, sick of the stress he quit his job and bought 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible.

"Don't much matter ..... Just gonna be the two of us."
Click to expand...

Lars really should find a woman:barf: :(
 
two bulls are standing in a pasture. one bull turns to the other and says plainly 'my father just died from mad cow disease.' the second cow asks his friend 'aren't you worried its catching?'

'no', the first cow says. 'i am a helicoptor.'
 
consider this next time you are asked to be a judge at a javelin contest.
 

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First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet School were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In vet medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body. For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, and hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."
 
r197624552.jpg
 
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