I think I know where you are coming from, or rather, I knew. When I first saw the news about Littleton, my first thoughts were ones of grief. My second thoughts were ones of relief, because if it had happened five years earlier I know I'd be getting hassled left and right for resembling those disturbed young men involved.
I was a freak; every school has a few, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Long hair, black trenchcoat, dark clothes, and not a care who noticed. It has nothing to do with violence for most young people, just a desperate desire not to be herded in with the masses.
Then I realized that my beliefs were in my head, not in my clothes or my hair or anything else I showed the world. I don't need to be persecuted for thinking differently just to prove to myself I AM thinking differently. So I went low profile.
Yeah, I'm not very good at it, still too much black in my wardrobe and I don't own any V-neck sweaters like my better-concealed friends. But at least now I can ride a bus without every old person eyeing me like a potential threat, every young bad-ass eyeing me like a potential challenge. Even cops return a smile and will chat with me if I start a conversation. I'm camouflaged, I'm on the inside, you get it?
You're right, people will f**k with you because you're different, and that's not fair. But it is true, and you do have to deal with it responsibly if you want to get by in the world. A knife isn't the answer; the best defense is not fighting at all, and yes, that may mean sacrificing what you wear or how you act. But remember, who you are is in your head, not in the clothes you wear or the way you posture.
Please, you can be safe on the outside and still be yourself on the inside. And I think "blending in" is fun... 'cause now I can carry whatever I want
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-Corduroy
(Why else would a bear want a pocket?)
[This message has been edited by Corduroy (edited 07 May 1999).]
