Clean jokes...

If I said I would do something, there is no need to remind me every 6 months...
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A Police Officer was patrolling off the main highway. At nearly midnight, he sees a couple in a car, on Lovers' Lane, with the interior light brightly glowing. He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine.
He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails. Puzzled by this unusual situation, the Officer walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.
The young man lowers his window. "Uh, yes, Officer?" The trooper asks: "What are you doing?” The young man says: "Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine.
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the Officer says:
"And, her, what is she doing?"
The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's filing her fingernails.”
Now, the trooper is totally confused. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night on Lover's Lane and nothing obscene is happening!
The trooper asks: "What's your age, young man?"
The young man says: "I'm 22, sir."
The trooper asks: "And her, what's her age?"
The young man looks at his watch and replies:

"She'll be 18 in 11 minutes
 
Sven and Ole

Ole was hunting geese up in the Minnesota woods. He leaned the old 16 gauge against the corner of the blind to take a leak. As luck would have it, his foolish dog knocked the gun over, it went off and Ole took most of an ounce of #4 in the groin. Several hours later, lying in a Duluth hospital bed, he came to...and there was his doctor, Sven. "Vell Ole, I got some good news and some bad news. Da good news is dat you are going to be OK. Da damage vas local to your groin, dere was very little internal damage, and I vas able to remove all of da buckshot." "What's the bad news?", asks Ole "The bad news is dat dere vas some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your pecker. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Lena ." "Well, I guess that isn't too bad," says Ole. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?" "Not exactly," Sven says. "She's a flute player in da Minneapolis Symphony Orchestra. . She's going to teach you ver to put your fingers, so you don't piss in your eye."
 
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