Clumsy Oaf Horror Stories

Years ago when i was a kid (10 or 11) my dad gave me his old schrade. It had a carbon steel blade that had been sharpened down to a needle like profile. I was cutting some cardboard and just couldn't get a good grip and cut away from myself. I knew it was wrong but I got a good purchase and cut toward myself. oops! The knife slid through the cardboard and stuck straight into my chest. The sternum actually. I'm standing there thinking "that was stupid and this doesn't look too good either" I yanked the knife out and watched the blood start to flow. Crap, if dad see's this I'll catch it for sure. I snuck into the bathroom and used what seemed like a whole roll of toilet paper to stop the blood. I finally got it stopped and got a couple of bandaids over the cut. I kept my shirt buttoned up high for a couple of days.

I'm a lot more careful around knives but still get cut...comes with being a chef that has knives in hand for most of the work day.
 
Sorry.

Well there was that one time when I was blocking the plate and the guy had sharpened his spikes. (He read a book about Ty Cobb. Damn! That mitt was just broken in nice. :( )
 
Yea, then there was the dumbass that was holding his, as forged Hanuman, that had been sharpened but nothing else done to it and went to sleep with it in his lap.:rolleyes:
Suddenly he awoke with a heavy weight and some burning on his toes. Fortunately he didn't lose any and only had a few stitches to sew one toe up.:o
Never again have I handled a knife when I was sleepy.:rolleyes: ;) :D

All I can say is that the Gods were with me and saved me from losing a toe or worse, there's just no other explanation.:thumbup: :cool: :D
 
While buffing a blade, I had the buffer grab it and throw it at one billion miles an hour (rough estimate) at my feet. It put the unsharpened blade at least 3" into the wood floor below me. That would have been a very, very ugly scene. It was hard enough to pull out without having to pull it out through my foot. Every time I buff, it scares me a little bit more.

Other than that, ive done the grinding belt papercut, the "never get your fingers caught between the belt and the idler" extreme pinch...and thats about it....

Id say my worst moment was trying to use my hands to catch myself during a fall at age 15. I landed on my arm, then guy who tripped me (soccer) landed about half way up my forearm. Result? Double compound fracture with heavy splintering for both forarm bones. My palm was resting against the same arm's bicep when it was done, with about 1.5" of exposed bone coming out of three separate places in my arm. Probably the most horrific thing i've seen. 10 months in a finger-to-shoulder cast, 9 inches of titanium, and 12 screws later, and i am fine!
 
Can't remember the web address offhand, but there's a place which catalogues and documents woodworkers' injuries (fights with tablesaws, nailguns, power planes etc.). Every now and then, a reminder is posted to one of the woodworking groups I follow ...

... always seems akin to the old practice of hoisting pirates' bodies on gibbets at the entrances to harbours, as a warning to seamen to stay on the straight and narrow.
 
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