Contest Win a Carnivore
- Thread starter Bob Taylor
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Gore Denounces New Non-Violent Self-DefenseTechnique
"Environmentally irresponsible," and "a threat to the planet," is what Vice President Al Gore is calling "Foul Foo", the new self-defense rage sweeping the nation.
"Foul-Foo utilizes Karate-like moves combined with controlled bursts of flatulence to intimidate and overpower an adversary," said Foul-Foo creator and 9th degree Brown Short, Chu Flung Doo. "Foul-Foo is the modern expression of the ancient art of Kut-Chee. Students of Foul-Foo learn how to attain a state of 'Flatu-readiness' through an exclusive bean diet and special sphincter muscle exercises. When confronted by a mugger or home invasion robber the student of Foul-Foo can bring the would-be felon to his knees without ever laying a finger on him."
Foul-Foo has been growing in popularity in America thanks to an aggressive infomercial campaign. In the infomercial both kids and adults are seen learning the ancient art of Kut-Chee. At one point in the advertisement a group of students exclaim, "Foul-Foo is a Blast!"
Foul-Foo's popularity has Vice President Al Gore worried. Said Gore, "With millions of Americans learning this disgusting technique, it is only a matter of time before they blow a hole in the ozone layer the size of Texas. When I become President one of the first things I will do is sign an executive order outlawing Foul-Foo."
"Environmentally irresponsible," and "a threat to the planet," is what Vice President Al Gore is calling "Foul Foo", the new self-defense rage sweeping the nation.
"Foul-Foo utilizes Karate-like moves combined with controlled bursts of flatulence to intimidate and overpower an adversary," said Foul-Foo creator and 9th degree Brown Short, Chu Flung Doo. "Foul-Foo is the modern expression of the ancient art of Kut-Chee. Students of Foul-Foo learn how to attain a state of 'Flatu-readiness' through an exclusive bean diet and special sphincter muscle exercises. When confronted by a mugger or home invasion robber the student of Foul-Foo can bring the would-be felon to his knees without ever laying a finger on him."
Foul-Foo has been growing in popularity in America thanks to an aggressive infomercial campaign. In the infomercial both kids and adults are seen learning the ancient art of Kut-Chee. At one point in the advertisement a group of students exclaim, "Foul-Foo is a Blast!"
Foul-Foo's popularity has Vice President Al Gore worried. Said Gore, "With millions of Americans learning this disgusting technique, it is only a matter of time before they blow a hole in the ozone layer the size of Texas. When I become President one of the first things I will do is sign an executive order outlawing Foul-Foo."
Al Gore: Dan Quayle's unknown smarter twin brother.
Harry
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"Khukuris are my obsession and I'm late for therapy!"
Harry
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"Khukuris are my obsession and I'm late for therapy!"
Al Gore's Alter Ego: Dr. Viagra
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"Khukuris are my obsession and I'm late for therapy!"
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"Khukuris are my obsession and I'm late for therapy!"
Al Gore: Why Monica gave up and went with Bill instead.....
Al Gore: Secret US Army weapon against insomnia
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"Khukuris are my obsession and I'm late for therapy!"
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"Khukuris are my obsession and I'm late for therapy!"
Al Gore Claims To Be The Lorax
An annonymous member of Georgetown high society has informed BNN that contrary to popular perception Vice President Al Gore has a personality. According to our tipster the V.P. recently attended an exclusive party where he may have had too much "lemonade". Midway through the party, Gore began parading around on his knees while shouting "I am the Lorax! I speak for the trees!" Then, in a move that appears to have been lifted from Clinton's playbook, Gore began asking some of the women if they would like to see his "Bonzai Tree". To one particularly beautiful woman he is alleged to have bragged that his "Bonzai" is actually a "Mighty Redwood".
The Vice President's Press Office has no comment on the alleged incident.
An annonymous member of Georgetown high society has informed BNN that contrary to popular perception Vice President Al Gore has a personality. According to our tipster the V.P. recently attended an exclusive party where he may have had too much "lemonade". Midway through the party, Gore began parading around on his knees while shouting "I am the Lorax! I speak for the trees!" Then, in a move that appears to have been lifted from Clinton's playbook, Gore began asking some of the women if they would like to see his "Bonzai Tree". To one particularly beautiful woman he is alleged to have bragged that his "Bonzai" is actually a "Mighty Redwood".
The Vice President's Press Office has no comment on the alleged incident.
Al Gore's Top Ten Presidential Campaign Slogans
10. There can't be any problems if I don't do anything. (happypunk3@aol.com)
9. I know the proper way to smoke a cigar.
(shock25927@aol.com)
8. Danger, Will Robinson! Danger! (moanuhlisa@aol.com)
7. No longer under federal investigation. (jsamec@aol.com)
6. It was my idea to bomb Iraq! (hodgemasta@aol.com)
5. Gore: A different kind of stiff president. (wesness@kfmx.com)
4. More fun than a barrel full of unconscious monkeys.
(protistman@aol.com)
3. Vote for Al Gore: He's never stuck a Cuban in anything but a
low paying job. (hemppirate@aol.com)
2. Just as ridiculous as any other candidate... but WITH experience! (wgmmojo67@aol.com)
1. Gore 2000: He's Y2K Compliant.
10. There can't be any problems if I don't do anything. (happypunk3@aol.com)
9. I know the proper way to smoke a cigar.
(shock25927@aol.com)
8. Danger, Will Robinson! Danger! (moanuhlisa@aol.com)
7. No longer under federal investigation. (jsamec@aol.com)
6. It was my idea to bomb Iraq! (hodgemasta@aol.com)
5. Gore: A different kind of stiff president. (wesness@kfmx.com)
4. More fun than a barrel full of unconscious monkeys.
(protistman@aol.com)
3. Vote for Al Gore: He's never stuck a Cuban in anything but a
low paying job. (hemppirate@aol.com)
2. Just as ridiculous as any other candidate... but WITH experience! (wgmmojo67@aol.com)
1. Gore 2000: He's Y2K Compliant.
The White House is recruiting for interns for the Gore Administration:
"Wanted young, vivacious female applicants who want to work in our countries most prestigious office. This is an exciting once in a lifetime opportunity. You will be working under the worlds most important person. Sure Al Gore is a little stiff, but that just makes your job easier."
"Wanted young, vivacious female applicants who want to work in our countries most prestigious office. This is an exciting once in a lifetime opportunity. You will be working under the worlds most important person. Sure Al Gore is a little stiff, but that just makes your job easier."
- Joined
- Dec 25, 1998
- Messages
- 7,394
Who won?
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-Dennis
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-Dennis
- Joined
- Dec 25, 1998
- Messages
- 7,394
No doubt. But if he gets elected President I think the joke will be on us!
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-Dennis
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-Dennis
You're right Shootist. That would also be the biggest joke of all - President Al Gore.
Just think about it. My bumper sticker would then be:
"No More Gore" or "Gored" or "Bored & Gored" or "Gored Stiff" or ...
[This message has been edited by Bob Irons (edited 17 October 1999).]
Just think about it. My bumper sticker would then be:
"No More Gore" or "Gored" or "Bored & Gored" or "Gored Stiff" or ...
[This message has been edited by Bob Irons (edited 17 October 1999).]
- Joined
- Dec 25, 1998
- Messages
- 7,394
Of course no one would see our bumper stickers.....cars would be banned! Didn't Gore write in a book he wrote on the environment that he would like to see all combustion engines banned?
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-Dennis
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-Dennis
Bob Taylor
Platinum Member
- Joined
- Dec 10, 1998
- Messages
- 400
Only 2 out of 5 votes are in so Monday the winner will be anounced the contest is closed but anoyther Gore Joke never hurt anyone.
Bob Taylor
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Some days it's not worth chewing through the restraints and escaping.
Bob Taylor
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Some days it's not worth chewing through the restraints and escaping.
Thanks Bob.
Another tidbit:
I've been reading in the news lately that Al Gore is loosening up a little.
The truth is it's a combination of eating more fruit and those colonoscopys that are mandatory every year for presidential type guys like Al.. If you haven't had one, let's just say that you don't get much looser than the opening enema and it just gets more disgusting from there. It gives the word thread new meaning.
BTDT!
Now, the more pleasant aspect - the fruit. At Als age all it takes is a couple of extra prunes or apricots a day. Talk about loose.
Another tidbit:
I've been reading in the news lately that Al Gore is loosening up a little.
The truth is it's a combination of eating more fruit and those colonoscopys that are mandatory every year for presidential type guys like Al.. If you haven't had one, let's just say that you don't get much looser than the opening enema and it just gets more disgusting from there. It gives the word thread new meaning.
Now, the more pleasant aspect - the fruit. At Als age all it takes is a couple of extra prunes or apricots a day. Talk about loose.