These are the threads that keep me coming back to the Cantina. Ad, the only words I can offer are that you are an extremely brave man, both for confronting your addiction and admitting it here so openly. Just based on that I think you have what it takes to beat this thing. And of course remember that we're all pulling for you.
I have never been an alcoholic but I was very much on the road to being one. And I have been addicted to other things, God knows. One day I stopped drinking. I have a bunch of bottles in the cupboard for guests, the booze I used to drink. I would say I would drink 3 or 4 drinks per day, which was a lot and too much. So abstinence is easy for me as opposed to moderation which is hard.
Here is my advice: try not to drink. Pay attention to what your thoughts are before you drink. Write those down. Investigate those thoughts. Ask "is it true" on each thought that you've written down.
Thoughts go like "it doesn't matter at this point, I might as well have another beer...one more isn't going to hurt me...I can quit if I really want to but I don't want to..." etc.
Write these down and investigate their truth. In the truth you can be free, truly. I was free as soon as I realized I had no ability to moderate my alcohol intake. It is so easy now not to drink, no effort at all.
Congrats on taking the first giant leap of faith, Mike. You're one of the good guys, and one of the many forum members I consider a great friend. You have my thoughts, prayers, and continued smoke as long as you need it. You're a brave man. A man braver than I to be certain. Fear not, it is a difficult journey to be sure, but you have many friends to walk this demon haunted path. If there is anything that can be done, you have my email. You can get through this. You have our support. Hell, one day I'll get down that way and buy ya a rootbeer.
You have smoke and congratulations from me! You are on the good path. You recognize the problem and have decided to attack it on your terms. You are going to win! We are all with you . Keep with it and remember, you are on the THE GOOD path!!
I'm probably the wrong guy to talk about this. I made the decision to stop, a while back, and I did. Later on I made the decision to continue. I'm still there. I'm better than I was - that much is for sure - but I still have my moments. Thank God I've never been an angry drunk.
From my own experience, once you make up your mind that you're going to stop it's not too tough. The real demon here is the one that changes your mind later on. Don't listen to it. It's much more difficult the second time around.
Mike you have my support and I'll send smoke for you as well as remember you in the Sweatlodge along with the rest I say special prayers for.
There were some alcoholics in my family and being ndn it would've been easy for me to succumb too as well.
I'm so very thankful that SomeThing has been watching over me for as long as I've lived even in spite of my paths to self destruction.
And like some of the others have said, "If you need to talk just email me." I'll get back to you as soon as humanly possible.
Over the years being immersed in the ndn culture and spirituality certain things have come to my mind.
One I've mentioned before and I'm sure will mention again.
It is so very simple but yet so very profound. Every time I need to make a major decision or think I really want to do something and especially something I really know I shouldn't do I ask myself,
"What are you willing to give up to get what you want?"
Those twelve little words have kept me from making some very serious mistakes.
You might find they will/can help you as well Mike.
Sure am glad you got your house, wife, and most importantly your way of life back. Now all you have to do is keep improving it.
With some of the stress gone things may be easier now.
Like everyone else I'm really pulling for you!!!!
Any kind of addictive behavior is damned hard to give up!!!!
Make us all Proud!
I'm going to cut & paste here something I emailed a good guy earlier today... thanks for the encouraging emails & IM's.
"I will remember. I have much to be grateful for. Alive, still have my arms, legs & sanity. Alcoholic genes have made me who I was, not who I choose to be.
The response from the Cantina floored me. I though maybe a few attaboys would help- this drug I'm taking has a higher rate of success if used with "psychosocial support". AA won't work for me. My religious views are very vague- probably a Tao-ist.
I told my wife, "I know a group of people who will support my decision." She was skeptical... tonight I'll see if she'll read the thread. When I told her almost 50 people posted supportive messages, she was not surprised. She's a nurse... knows a lot of addicition is out there.
Last night was my first sober sunset in years. I couldn't go online because I'm feeling a little twitchy. Make that awful. Not much sleep, or appetite. By the end of today I'll have passed any kind of DT stage, I think. Good.
So I'll bookmark the thread, maybe print it out. That level of caring is unbelieveable. Bill Martino must have been some kind of an Angel, to build a house filled with people like that. When I am in trouble, I am going to re-read their messages and it will be all I need.