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Dealing with "That Guy"

Discussion in 'Around the Grinder' started by Rick Marchand, Feb 8, 2015.

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  1. S.Alexander

    S.Alexander

    Jul 7, 2013
    I know "that guy" as well, a friend of a friend of mine. One year he joined us on a winter camping trip.

    On this trip he was quite the story teller. He was telling stories to "one-up" any story that was told to him. For example, I told a story about how I caught 2 fish on a particular lake... In his story, he caught the quota for the year (there are no yearly quotas on that lake). Someone told a story about target shooting. He first said that he had never shot a rifle. A couple of hours later he was spouting off about how he likes to shoot prone when he hunts.

    By the end of the camping trip I had called him out on several of his lies. I can be pretty blunt sometimes I guess, and now when we are in the same room he won't even talk to me. Not that I care much about that. However, if you call your friend out on all of his lies and exaggerations I'm sure that it will change your relationship.
     
  2. TLR

    TLR Gold Member Gold Member

    Oct 5, 1998
    I'll throw in my .02 since my real job is centered on working with messy people and specifically messed up guys.
    If I were a betting man this guy grew up with a dad who was weak, aloof/distant or non-existent.
    He doesn't know how to relate to people outside of trying to impress them or by having a similar story regardless of truth.
    The only way someone like that changes is by having a guy that they respect mentor them and honestly but lovingly confront them, explain what they're doing and provide long term accountability for them. Not everybody wants that. This is 80% of what I do day to day. If you care about his son then I'd encourage you to take the risk.
     
  3. SinePari

    SinePari

    906
    Oct 24, 2013
    Sounds like a very strange relationship. For someone who is used to being "Alpha" there is a pretty alarming inadequacy complex going on. Sounds like his wife is an enabler or she's taken his hullabaloo hook-line-sinker since the get-go. Doesn't sound like his dad was an absentee father, I foresee completely the opposite as well as being abusive, domineering, and manipulative. Like a Stockholm syndrome scenario.

    I don't like to beat around the bush when it comes to those kinds of theories. I'd dig into his heart a little and ask him why he feels the need to over-exaggerate himself and his accomplishments. Why is there a need to impress others? Why is that need such an essential part of his existence that he feels it's okay to stretch the truth? Don't be an ass, just bring it up in private with a non-threatening demeanor. Most of us mentally ill folk know we're mentally ill, and might not realize what we're doing until the moment passes... then we're too embarrassed to bring it up hoping that it just blows over...

    ... That's if you feel he's worth it... Maybe he's never met an individual that cared so much as to ask? You could very-well be the guy that gets him to overcome some deep seeded obstacles clawing their way out of the dark...

    Give your heart one ear, and your head, the other.
     
  4. Storm Crow

    Storm Crow

    Apr 12, 2006
    There are times when I'm glad I generally work by myself. :D

    No advice, Rick, just sympathy. I think I've had a few of these back what when I were teaching knifemaking classes with the local art/craft school. One of 'em said when he did a paracord wrap on something (we were wrapping handles at the moment), he'd always pull hard enough that he caused his hands to bleed. I had a hard time not telling him he was an idiot. :p Thankfully, since they were students, those people left after a while.

    I'd tell you to sic your Sasquatch on 'im, but being a fellow Canuckistanian, he probably has one of his own. ;)
     
  5. Rick Marchand

    Rick Marchand Donkey on the Edge Moderator

    Jan 6, 2005
    Deleted by OP
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2015
  6. Willie71

    Willie71 Warren J. Krywko. Part Time Knifemaker Knifemaker / Craftsman / Service Provider

    Feb 23, 2013
    http://psychcentral.com/disorders/histrionic-personality-disorder-symptoms/

    http://psychcentral.com/disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder-symptoms/

    I do this for a living. From what you describe, he is a combination of these two pds, or he is bipolar. Since bipolar is cyclic, it seems less likely. Bipolar is more biological, pds are more a combination of predisposition and learned behaviour.

    Even the most skilled professionals struggle with pds, unless they have specialized training, and access to a great team to work with.

    Good luck.

    Edit: I worked with a lot of storytellers, and they have amongst the lowest success rate for change of any of the clients I have worked with. I have over 20 years working with pds, and I can't think of a single success with a storyteller. My suggestion is to have a discussion about how you see the storytelling, in the shit sandwich formula, then mentor him whenever he tells a story. If he can maintain dignity and acknowledge the storytelling at the same time, then you won't have to pretend to believe the bs. The compulsion is very unlikely to change, but you can change the relationship.
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2015
  7. Stacy E. Apelt - Bladesmith

    Stacy E. Apelt - Bladesmith ilmarinen - MODERATOR Moderator Knifemaker / Craftsman / Service Provider

    Aug 20, 2004
    That is pretty much what I did with my friend.
    When he would say that he owned a chain saw store in AR, I would point out politely and quietly that he was a clerk at one for a year, when he was 20. It didn't stop his lies, but he would make a comment like, "Well, I ran the place for the owner, who was never there. Everyone in Little Rock thought I was the owner."... and change the subject. If he insisted on continuing the subject, I just stopped answering or commenting. He caught on pretty quickly. As I said, It didn't stop him from repeating the same story the next time, but he knew what my response would be. He is in his 70's now and as bad or worse than ever. I call him about once a month, don't respond to his lies, and change the subject when he gets on a real whopper. Calls are cut short when he doesn't reign it in.
     
  8. Cajun Kamikaze

    Cajun Kamikaze

    598
    Dec 30, 2013
    What's awesome is when you find "That Guy" but everything is true. Diamond in the rough.... Unfortunately, very few get to be part of that crowd.
     
  9. John Katt

    John Katt

    Mar 19, 2012
    Must be something about the building trades and guys like this, every crew seems to have one, from carpenters to concrete, with roofers having the most LOL

    I have hired and fired at least 40 guys like this, and it always starts the same way "back when I worked for so and so building billion dollar houses making $175 an hour we did it this way" I would generally let this go on for a day or two until I could see my good guys getting irritated, Then I would pull the individual aside and tell them they were no longer allowed to talk during the work day, some quit right away, Some stuck it out, those that stayed I would generally hand them a paycheck on Friday and kick them to the curb

    It only takes one guy like this to disrupt the flow of a good 5 man crew then production goes down
     
  10. JMJones

    JMJones

    909
    Jul 14, 2010
    My father had the uncanny ability to not suffer fools. If you were talking BS, he didnt smile or nod or anything, just stare at you. Most people responded by stopping their BS.

    One thing to consider is that since you are the "Master" there is a chance that he follows you on the internet and even though they may be true, you have said some things on here that would hurt any ones feelings and you will absolutely come out looking like the bad guy to your family and his. If I was in your shoes I would delete all of my posts so personal information like this does not come back to haunt you down the road.
     
  11. Rick Marchand

    Rick Marchand Donkey on the Edge Moderator

    Jan 6, 2005
    Deleted by OP
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2015
  12. Cajun Kamikaze

    Cajun Kamikaze

    598
    Dec 30, 2013

    You are kidding right!? Delete post? Scarred of hurting peoples feeling because they are douche bags. WTF is the world coming to with all you sensitive sally's running around fear of telling people the truth. Must be a Liberal bed wetting type thing...

    It's as simple as this, Fugg that guy and his feelings.
     
  13. John Katt

    John Katt

    Mar 19, 2012
    well I googled the first line of your post and it popped up in google then I logged out and clicked the link and it took me to the post, looks like you can view around the grinder but you cannot post unless you have a basic membership
     
  14. Rick Marchand

    Rick Marchand Donkey on the Edge Moderator

    Jan 6, 2005
    He is not a douche bag... He is a good person, friend and father. Someone who would give you the shirt off his back.... hell, he would sacrifice the skin off his back for an mere acquaintance. That Guy(quirks/psychological issues aside) has honor and integrity at the foundation of his character.

    The fact that your post got me upset was all I needed to make a decision. If this was intentional, you are brilliant... if not, well then, thanks just the same but go "fugg" YOURself.:thumbup::D
     
  15. Rick Marchand

    Rick Marchand Donkey on the Edge Moderator

    Jan 6, 2005
    Thanks, John.:thumbup:

    Shutin'er down.
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2015
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