Alright alright!
You were bound to find out eventually anyhow....
I'm not really a big tattooed guy named Dave.
I am, in reality, Martha Stewart.
I find that a Sifu, delicately hefted in one's immaculately manicured hand is one of nature's finest means of cutting those pesky asparagus roots. While at home, be sure to show your guests that you care by offering them their very own Sifu (or if Christmas expenses allow, A Busse Battle Mistress) to filet the trout that you keep in the toilet tank.
Bon apetit.... No, I am not referring to the mammary glands of a primate, thankyouverymuch!
Pondering a lesbian relationship with JimSix,
Martha
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Vampire Gerbil: Nosferatus Rodentus Moderatus; similar to a domestic gerbil, except for the odd accent and little black cape.