How Do You All Deal With Heartache ?

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preachtokill1032

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Aug 18, 2005
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Just thought I would ask because I've been recently been hurt. Badly. To make a long story short, I thought I'd get a second chance with someone I used to date, but for one reason or another, she's blind to the idea. She just keeps me around for cuddling and pillow talk and totally hovers over the prospect of giving me a second chance while forcing me to watch her date complete jerks I know I could do way better than. I'd like to say it doesn't phase me and that I could just brush it off my shoulders like it was nothing, but it does phase me. Almost to an exausting point. If any of you ever lost someone and were reunited with them only to see that they've become numb to your touch is probably one of the most agonizing forms of heartache there is, and I just wanted to know what you all do when you go thru things like this.




Andrew
 
I've been there and done that. Do as I did. Forget her and move on. It is quite obvious that she has no feelings for you. If she loved you she wouldn't do that. Get up, get out, and realize the that the more you give in to her the more she will take and by then it will be too late.
 
I deal with heartache and sadness by immersing myself in my hobbies for a bit. Go fishing with buddies and stuff like that, although one of the saddest days of my life was when my cousin who is my fishing buddy died. That sucked 'cos i didn't have an escape plan. Was just bummed out most of the time.

Another thing i like to do is improve myself. I start exercising, reading stuff and all that. This works really well with heartache and gf stuff. The way i see it is it's sort of revenge to them showing you're becoming better without them.

Forget the girl and go back to friends and family. Don't rush into new relationships either.
 
Yes, I had one like that.
You're nothing but a hobby to her. And she craves the attention, from guys, probably because she didn't get it from her father.

Let me guess, does this girlfriend of yours come from a broken home?
She'll treat you badly, but also all the other guys too. It's what they do. They can't make a commitment to a guy for fear of him disappearing or being let down by them the way her father let her mother down, so instead she plays all the guys she meets.

Long story short, I asked her to give me my diamond ring back, and told her goodbye.

Best thing you can do is say goodbye, and move on as Ken said.
 
I've been going through a similar situation, however, I'm married to this one. We had separated for about six months a little over a year ago and got back together right before Thanksgiving last year. Needless to say, we separated again in May and it's headed for a divorce this time for sure.

The problem? Her infidelity and unwillingness to admit it to herself. I keep telling myself that I'm much better off without her, but what can you do when you still love 'em? :(
 
Smooth Operator said:
Just thought I would ask because I've been recently been hurt. Badly. To make a long story short, I thought I'd get a second chance with someone I used to date, but for one reason or another, she's blind to the idea. She just keeps me around for cuddling and pillow talk and totally hovers over the prospect of giving me a second chance while forcing me to watch her date complete jerks I know I could do way better than. I'd like to say it doesn't phase me and that I could just brush it off my shoulders like it was nothing, but it does phase me. Almost to an exausting point. If any of you ever lost someone and were reunited with them only to see that they've become numb to your touch is probably one of the most agonizing forms of heartache there is, and I just wanted to know what you all do when you go thru things like this.
Andrew
Click to expand...

I've been guilty of getting myself into this type of situation in the past, so I am going to be blunt. The main problem isn't her, it's you. You are co-dependent and as long as you are, she will play you like a puppet.

Drop her NOW, walk away and NEVER look back. Don't be her friend, don't be her free therapist and don't talk to her at all.

Trust me, there are other's out there that are worth you and your time. Just watch for signs of this with new girls and stop it before it starts.

Hang in there!
 
How Do You All Deal With Heartache ?

I had a bad case of heartache about 5 years ago. Went to the doctor about it and wound up having a double bypass. Get over her... it will just 'eat you up'!
 
1. Stop it! Right now! Walk away and act like a man. don't get angry and tell her off. Don't sit around and listen to her long-winded rationalization of why she does what she does. Walk away with a confident air that conveys, "I can get along the rest of my life just fine without you." This will drive her crazy, and give you the most long-term self respect.

2. Just remember, there is one thing that can always be said about what you are feeling right now: it will change. This too shall pass.
 
MikeH said:
... Walk away with a confident air that conveys, "I can get along the rest of my life just fine without you" ...
Click to expand...

Reminds me of an old song that makes so much sense now... "Got along without ya before I met ya... gonna get along without ya now!"
 
a few options you could try:

1) go out and get drunk

2) go out and get laid

3) move on my friend.....


I think many of us have gone through what you are going through. for me it was about 5 or 6 years ago and i was with a girl that i thought i would marry. but it wasnt to be and 1 year later she was married to this other guy. not only did I feel hurt but I also felt humiliated (injured pride i guess).

But now im with a great girl (we've been together for 5 and a half years now) and thats only because I was able to move on.

so my recommendation is do alittle bit of option 1, maybe option 2, but for sure pick option 3 and dont look back.

take care man and good luck
 
I side with Colluci and Mike H. The only constant in life is change. Try as one might to not "fall in love" nature makes us do that so we keep the line going. You will love more women in your life,and most, you will be in a situation to do nothing about. Stay away from women , work out, and of course buy a knife for yourself. That ALWAYS helps me. ...It's good to be shallow ;)

The best advice I have for anyone is first, TAKE CARE OF #1
 
I am a 51 year old guy. My Mom recently died, at at her funeral people I had not seen in 35 years showed up as if by magic. Hell even Michael Jackson's defense counsel was there, and I did not even know he met my Mom ever.

Among the people was an ex girlfrind of mine who I had not seen in 27 years who played me for all it was worth. Meeting her again I realized that my years of mourning for her were not worth anything. It was all wasted effort.

Forget her, and realize that there is an incredible variety of women out there. You will find the one that suits you. You will not find her by looking hard for her. She will meet you, as my wife of 14 years met me, under the most casual and bland of circumstances. Have you not ever been hunting, and see no jack-rabbits, and when you are not bothering to search anymore all of a sudden they spring up, as if born right out of the earth? That is how it will be.

A woman who does not respect you is no match, and if you stayed with her your home would not be a refuge from the world, but will me more evil than the most dog-eat-dog workplace.

Think of spending twenty years with a woman who does not respect you. She will not change, but rest assured YOU will be thinking of divorce, murder, suicide, or running off. Do not make kids with such a person.

I have been there. Take the word of us older guys. We have seen people born, live, and die right in our lifetime. We have seen nations come and go.

Let it go, and be happy. It takes more than love. It takes respect and financial stability from the other person. Do not waste your life. Take our words to heart. If you do this, someday you will be old and happy, and you will see her when her chances are all gone. People do not change their basic personality.
 
P.S.

Peace of mind is the best thing to ever have. Find it.

Will you jump into a pit full of scorpions to get a nice juicy steak down there or would it be better to patiently walk twenty miles and not get the crap stung out of you for a steak that tastes better?
 
It only hurts until you meet the next one. There is always a next one, and remember everything is only here for the moment. Don't pine and move on because tomorrow is promised to no one.
 
Been there, you are her pet. Like a dog. You need to cut and run. It will hurt. Suck it up and make yourself busy until it passes. Take a second job if you have to.
 
Despite what any of these guys have said, there is no way to "cure" a heartache. You can only mask it for awhile until enough time goes by. DO NOT go rebounding after some other woman, and do not try to "get back" at her for any of this. That would only make things worse.

I'd suggest you take some time for yourself. If you have male friends who aren't "bastids" ;) maybe try spending time with them. Or if you have female friends with whom there is no chance of "hooking up" or anything, maybe talk to them.

If you are like me, you may shun human interaction altogether; in that case, find things to do alone, or with animals if you like them. Exercise, read, go horseback riding, paint (even if you think you can't), write (even if you think you can't), and get to the point where you love yourself enough to be confident being alone for a while.

Don't rush things; think them through.

If you really want to be with her, maybe you should have a serious talk with her first before throwing it all away. Maybe she'll change; you never know. But use your head and determine for yourself whether the relationship you have/had is worth salvaging. Only you can determine this.

Good luck,
~ashes
 
Just wanted to thank you for the advice everyone, Emanuel somehow you managed to nip it in the bud. She does have issues at home reguarding her father, despite the fact she's a grown woman, she lets her fathers opinion get in the way of her feelings. He always manages to find something wrong with the men she dates, and I was no exception to this rule. He's had it in for me from the start simply because of our age difference (she's five years older than me) and I was a far cry from her previous bf, which was the only man she dated that he liked.




Believe me guys, it would be easy to get over, but when you have to watch her date these other guys that treat her like garbage, and in your heart you KNOW you can do way better than that, its frustrating. Why on earth would she subject herself to such treatment while completely blinding herself to the idea that I learned from my mistakes and unlike these men she's dated/dating, I might actually put a little bit of effort into treating her right and making her feel the way a woman deserves to feel ?




Ashes, thanks for the advice, but hanging out with my friends would only bother me more. I mean one is married, one is talking about getting married and the other two are real players. Can you believe that ? Complete A**wipes like that and every time I see them they're with a new girl. Kind of makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong that they're doing right. Even though they don't mean to being around them only lowers my self esteem and makes me question myself and my methods (I'm easily ten times nicer, well mannered, better looking, and charming and have slightly below average luck with women, yet my rude, obscene, deceptive friends treat women like objects and have been with more girls than I'll ever be with.) Wierd huh ? Guess that's all I got for now.




Andrew
 
There was a thread similr to this a while back. Anyway, the best you can do is hope she finds what's right for her and break contact, meanwhile you look for what's right for you. You're not gonna "fix" her and it will lead to even more heartache if your try.

And I imagine if you're looking for a "nice" girl, you won't be finding them hanging with your player friends.

Oh and self confidence is key, if your don't have it and are working on it, you can pretty sucessfully "fake" it, then with a little practice it becomes real. As they say in sports, it helps to "visualize success".
 
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