Man, I cant tell you how much of what you wrote I related to. When i talk to people about my "issues" they literally get annoyed with me and oversimplify the situation so much and its always "just dont do it" or "just do what I do and dont worry about it" The answer is always so simple to them. And I always sit there and think to myself, "do you really think I didnt think of that? Just dont worry about it?" That is what makes this condition and the others that I have so troubling. Others view it as a choice. Its not a choice. At least it doesnt feel like a choice. To me sometimes the most simple decisions in the world that others wouldnt even think about become an obsession. And you literally torture yourself mentally over things that most are on auto pilot when deciding. Some will never understand how hard it is to deal with a condition that has the potential to even turn the things you love into a nightmare. And while I am NOT pleased to learn that I am not the only one here with the issue. It is comforting nonetheless.
It really is too late for me to reply to a thread. But I just had too. I read allot of replies basically making fun of the OP. I am glad you are finding some people that understand. I have very similar tendencies. The following things may not help you at all, but it is what gets me trough the day.
1. Knife specific: I have a safe queen, an out of production, rare, Al Mar. It is easy to justify as a safe queen. I have bought every knife since because I can't use "that" knife. Yea scratches still bother me on my A1... I think about sending it out to have it redone to a mirrior finish all the time. But when that happens I try to remember the times I lost something. Maybe you have lost a knife a favorite pen or some other nice gadget. I sure have. And you know what, I never used it because I didn't want to hurt it. So those are the two things I have: "Well I bought this knife to protect my safe-queen" and "well I will loose this knife eventually, best beat it up".
2. Typically these tendencies flare up when I have stress/anxiety/trouble in other areas of life. Can you identify an underlying issue? (Shitty boss?) For me I can remember that on a good day the scratch bothers me less then it does when I see my boss's face. Recognizing something like that can help allot even if you can't change/remove the stress.
3. Lift.
4. Seriously, the more the better. Lift until you fall over. (Oh and make sure the plates on both sides of the bar are from the same manufacturer, otherwise your body will build muscle uneven resulting in you loosing your job and doing crack on the street.... yea its that important.)
Lastly, you are already doing this, acknowledge the issue, talk about it, try to find people that understand or care. I find that making fun off myself, when I am in a good place, can really help built up resistance for later down the line. Like on a really good day I'll take a nice knife and go and beat the crap out of it.... way satisfying. Then I make fun of it a bit, like: "man I used to not do this".
Anyways man, I wish you the best of luck and I hope
you find something that works for
your self.
- T
And no, I'm not going to name names. If you don't already know who they are, stick around for awhile and you'll figure it out.
