philthygeezer said:
Thanks for everything guys. From my heart. I notice that there are a lot of new names around since I posted here all the time, but the older ones are still here, and the atmosphere hasn't changed a bit: the people here could lead humanity into the future.
She cried in my arms last night and told me how sorry she was that she had said those things the night before. She thinks we are back on again, so I didn't mess with that.
Instead I told her about all the wonderful things that would happen to her if she kicked ass and completed her degree.
For me, IF this is to go absolutely anywhere, she is going to have to proclaim my name to the heavens as the man she wants to be with, and has to tell her friends to go suck an egg. She is also going to have to admit she can't mold me to whatever fanciful Phil concept she's got.
Also, if there is no sexual attraction, and she keeps me at hand-holding distance, then we really are just friends. As friends, she will have to pay her own way, and I get to date other people. In fact, right now I only think of her as a friend, since she doesn't seem to want the intimacy part.
I'm looking for indications that her attitudes have changed. I'm ready to dump her to the 'friend' level right now. I'm tired of her crap: she has one chance to make this right. I have a sneaking suspicion that she thinks she now has all the control in the relationship, and I'll do whatever she wants. What she doesn't know is that she is going to get her ass dumped at the first sign of any manipulation.
In summary:
1. Above all, she will respect me.
2. She can't hide me any more, regardless.
3. If she doesn't want me physically, then we are friends, not lovers.
4. She will not try to make me into something her friends might like.
5. She will like me unconditionally.
If one of these is not met, she is toast.
Phil, one thing I'd like to offer and I know it might sound weird, but don't be too hung up on the sex thing. Don't be in too big a hurry to get it on. After living nearly five decades now and looking at the lives of thousands of people older, same age and younger than me, I can honestly say that having sex too soon seldom makes a relationship better, and many times makes it worse.
The human being is an odd critter. For many of them, perhaps most of them, an emotional change is triggered inside once they share a sex act. A level of depth and intensity and committment somehow gets implied into the mix when in fact there may be nothing more going on than sexual infatuation.
It's uncool to even suggest that pre-marital sex is a bad thing - first thing that happens is you get ridiculed by the "hip" folks or condemned as being a right-wing Christian fanatic, because after all, "we" can handle it, or "it's only sex" or whatever.
The fact is human beings are complex creatures and half the time most folks don't have the slightest idea what is motivating them from one moment to the next, but in most cases it is simply greed. Greed for what feels good, greed for having whatever it is they want and wanting it now, greed for being in control, greed for not having anyone control them, you name it.
Phil, there are a host of ways for people to demonstrate their committed love to each other without a sex act. But for some reason people seem to think that you can't have love without sex. I'm speaking pre-maritally now. Love without sex after the wedding ceremony is a serious problem.
I guess what I am saying is, sex, if had too early in a relationship does a terrific job of camouflaging some serious personality and value problems.
Just something to think about. I know what I wrote is not the most popular opinion anywhere. In fact, I think having sex with a hooker before marriage is almost better than sex with a partner before marriage. At least with the hooker both of you know the situation up front. There's no pretenses or mind games or opportunities for misunderstanding or misconceptions (double meaning intended here). Just make sure it is SAFE sex with the hookers. Or anyone for that matter. Illegitimate kids and diseases always complicates things.
Don