I'm getting married....any advice from the Beckerheads?

I've not been married long enough to have that much experience, but I can share what's worked for us so far, and some of the advice I've gotten from my parents, who have been happily married for longer than I've been alive.

1. Communication is key to a successful relationship. Talk about things when they bother you, and be as clear as possible about your expectations. Many relationships and marriages break up because of accumulated little tiny things.
2. Always strive to be a better spouse and a better person.
3. Try to remember why you fell in love. Don't let your marriage become comfortable and routine. A little flirting here and there, and little romantic surprises make all the difference. Remember to communicate if you feel something is becoming stale.
4. Be genuine. Don't get locked into roles. When my marriage was still new, we had a lot of issues because we felt we had to meet societal expectations about the roles of husband and wife. We did a lot better when we got back to just being ourselves. In a sense, marriage doesn't change anything. You should still be best friends, and you should still be yourselves. Don't try to change yourself for her. She fell in love with you for who you are, not who you want to be. You should love everything about her, and she should love everything about you.
5. Don't be afraid to ask for help, or offer it when needed. Marriage is a partnership. Do things as a team, and try to avoid thinking of yourselves as "She and I," but rather, as "Us." There's no limit to what you can get through as a team. It's a lot harder as two individuals who happen to live together. Support her hobbies, and ask her to support yours.

Not a day goes by that I don't wake up and think about how happy I am to be married. I hope the same is true for you, and wish you nothing but the best.

I also second the idea of cutting the cake with a BK9 or other special knife. I used a Himalayan Imports khukuri on mine.
 
crimsonfalcon07 said:
I've not been married long enough to have that much experience, but I can share what's worked for us so far, and some of the advice I've gotten from my parents, who have been happily married for longer than I've been alive.

1. Communication is key to a successful relationship. Talk about things when they bother you, and be as clear as possible about your expectations. Many relationships and marriages break up because of accumulated little tiny things.
2. Always strive to be a better spouse and a better person.
3. Try to remember why you fell in love. Don't let your marriage become comfortable and routine. A little flirting here and there, and little romantic surprises make all the difference. Remember to communicate if you feel something is becoming stale.
4. Be genuine. Don't get locked into roles. When my marriage was still new, we had a lot of issues because we felt we had to meet societal expectations about the roles of husband and wife. We did a lot better when we got back to just being ourselves. In a sense, marriage doesn't change anything. You should still be best friends, and you should still be yourselves. Don't try to change yourself for her. She fell in love with you for who you are, not who you want to be. You should love everything about her, and she should love everything about you.
5. Don't be afraid to ask for help, or offer it when needed. Marriage is a partnership. Do things as a team, and try to avoid thinking of yourselves as "She and I," but rather, as "Us." There's no limit to what you can get through as a team. It's a lot harder as two individuals who happen to live together. Support her hobbies, and ask her to support yours.

Not a day goes by that I don't wake up and think about how happy I am to be married. I hope the same is true for you, and wish you nothing but the best.

I also second the idea of cutting the cake with a BK9 or other special knife. I used a Himalayan Imports khukuri on mine.
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Thank you for the words of widsom; you seem wise beyond your marriage-years. With regard to the BK9, I don't think I will be able to get away with it. However, since I'm a vet with history and a special place in my heart for the USMC Fighting Knife, I think she would definitely be ok with that.
 
I would say that after 5 years and four of them living together there should not be any big surprises. I think it's to easy to use the word divorce like a timeout. I know divorce is there for a reason but I believe it should only be said or used as a last resort. I think marriage is not taken as serious as it should be at times these days. The other thing is to not be selfish. Selfishness in one form or another is what destroys a marriage. Don't be afraid to admit when you are wrong. There is always one side more to blame but never one side that is totally innocent. Tell each other everyday that you love them more than you love yourself. When you both really and truly mean it everything will work itself out. The happiest people I know have been in long and enduring marriages. Best of luck!
 
I've been married for a few decades, but knowing what I know now, living in "sin" has its financial benefits when it comes to taxes, health insurance, etc. If I had to do it all over again, I would have just, just....oh never mind.
 
I have this story from my father, who will celebrate his golden wedding anniversary next year. I tried to translate it for you. Sorry, if I didn't get that perfect.
All the best for you two! :)


An old farmer couple is celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. They are well known for never ever having had a fight; nothing but perfect harmony through 50 years.
Later at the evening, with most guests left, the neighbor and best man takes the husband aside and asks him: ‘Jim, can you tell me the secret how you guys managed to live so peaceful side by side for so long? Not one fight, not the slightest dispute in all those years.’
Jim answeres: ‘Do you remember that day we got married?’
‘Sure Jim.’
‘And do you remember that young horse that I had back then?’
‘Yes, sure Jim.’
‘Now when I took Rachel home in that Victoria, after church and all, that horse gave me a hard time. He was so nervous, not really used to the coach yet and every little thing scared him. A bird flew up and he shyed. So I said ‘One’ and I calmed him down. A few miles later, right after the mill he bolted and Rachel almost fell off. I said ‘Two’ and I calmed him down.
When we arrived at the farm and I unhitched him, he shyed again. I said ‘Three’, went inside, got the 12 gauge and shot him dead. Rachel started screaming and yelling at me how I could shoot that poor horse and I said ‘One’ . . .’
 
Close the damn door when doing your business, make sure she does too.

That is if you can't Neo out of this.
 
Your wife is ALWAYS right...
Thats what I practice at home, and it works,,
Been married 8 years now, still happy, hehe
 
983 said:
I have this story from my father, who will celebrate his golden wedding anniversary next year. I tried to translate it for you. Sorry, if I didn't get that perfect.
All the best for you two! :)


An old farmer couple is celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. They are well known for never ever having had a fight; nothing but perfect harmony through 50 years.
Later at the evening, with most guests left, the neighbor and best man takes the husband aside and asks him: ‘Jim, can you tell me the secret how you guys managed to live so peaceful side by side for so long? Not one fight, not the slightest dispute in all those years.’
Jim answeres: ‘Do you remember that day we got married?’
‘Sure Jim.’
‘And do you remember that young horse that I had back then?’
‘Yes, sure Jim.’
‘Now when I took Rachel home in that Victoria, after church and all, that horse gave me a hard time. He was so nervous, not really used to the coach yet and every little thing scared him. A bird flew up and he shyed. So I said ‘One’ and I calmed him down. A few miles later, right after the mill he bolted and Rachel almost fell off. I said ‘Two’ and I calmed him down.
When we arrived at the farm and I unhitched him, he shyed again. I said ‘Three’, went inside, got the 12 gauge and shot him dead. Rachel started screaming and yelling at me how I could shoot that poor horse and I said ‘One’ . . .’
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My Greatgrandpa told the same story but it was a mule. :D
 
Wife and I hit 15 years this past summer, going to a Vegas wedding this weekend...

AS mentioned, don't lie.
Don't spend more than you earn
Don't put off for later what you can do today
Remember what is important
Don't let her walk all over you
Remind her of what is important
SAVE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did I say this yet, SAVE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
SAVE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
SAVE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
SAVE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
SAVE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
SAVE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
SAVE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
SAVE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
SAVE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
SAVE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
SAVE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
SAVE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
SAVE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
SAVE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
SAVE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
SAVE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
SAVE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
SAVE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
SAVE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
SAVE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
SAVE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
SAVE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Remember why you fell in love w/her, and remind her of why she fell in love w/you
Don't forget foreplay
Never cheat on her
Never let her think you've cheated on her
Never get into a situation where one would believe you've cheated on her
never betray her trust
Let her know how you feel
Don't let things build up
Discuss "things"
stoke the fire
Be patient
SAVE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Be honest
Listen
Make sure you are being listened too
be patient
SAVE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!

The edit:
Since you've lived w/her for so long, you probably already know this, but... don't expect her to be interested in your hobbies. My wife does not care about bicycles, even though I built her a custom BMX bike (she wanted a beach cruiser, I wanted her to have a BMX cruiser). It didn't matter the kind of bike, she is not interested in bikes. Same holds true for knives. I've purchased SAKs for her, not interested. She doesn't care about home theater, power tools (unless I am using them to make her something), bikes, knives, or most of my hobbies. Concentrate on the things you share an interest in.

Also, don't be afraid to ask for help.
 
arskrg said:
When you argue, examine yourself for what you did wrong or could have done better. Don't examine her for what she did wrong or could have done better.
Sorry is not a four letter word.
Same advice goes for her.

Blessings to you and your bride.
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I try to shut it down when too heated, then come back a bit later and ask her why she felt so and so, and tell why I felt so and so. I ask and think about her perspective, and admit when I was wrong. She will often do the same when not in the heat of a tiff. And don't let tiffs fester. Deal with it and it passes. Most misunderstandings are relatively minor and pass like a fart in the wind.....And do crazy fun things together, that you both can look back at later and have a damn good laugh about.
:D
 
centennial said:
Don't lie and never go to sleep angry.
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These are two of the most important things for your marriage. rg02 gave some amazing tips as well.

Mine are this:
You want to be respectful to your wife and in turn she will respect you back.

Do NOT cave and "yes dear" her to death. Have conviction and be confident (not arrogant). She's not marrying you because you are some push over pansy, she's marrying you because you are a MAN that she wants as her husband.

If/when kids come into the equation, be a good father. Be attentative to the children and pull your weight, kids naturally lean a bit more on their mother so she doesn't need a grown child thrown into the equation.

ALWAYS hold her hand. You'd be hard pressed to not find my wife's hand in mine, even if we are just riding in the car alone.

Random compliments and flowers on days besides holidays or anniversaries are always the best (especially if she works in an office with a bunch of other women, their jealousy will fuel her love of the gesture hahahaha).

Protect her the best you can from bad people, the elements (hold an umbrella in the rain), herself, and anything else that crosses your path unforseen.


This is just a tid bit of what you should be doing as a husband, I could go on for hours and it's a never ending task to grow and be a good man to a good woman. Be humble and do the best you can to keep ego out.
 
Forgot to add but worth noting:

Have sex often. Seriously. This seems to get lost in the shuffle some how. My wife and I always find a way, and with kids sometimes you have to get creative. She is your mate and you have vowed to be true to eachother. Enjoy that and enjoy eachother. Good sex will bring you closer. Ok, sorry had to add that.
 
Married 28 yrs here.

Lots-o-love making.
Do NOT lie. About anything.
Lots-o-love making.
Do not go to sleep angry.
Lots-o-love making.

We make money. We spend money. About knife addiction; just remind her that you could have a mistress instead, then knife addiction seems so much less serious. :D

Guns & knives for me. Shoes & purses for her. It's weird but it works for us. Only difference: mine will be worth more in times of crisis !!! :D
 
Be honest.
Communicate.
Listen.
Respect.
Forgive.
Date night.
Don't try to change her.
Don't let her change you.
Don't expect her to enjoy your hobbies; be happy if she understands and puts up with them.
Try to take an interest in hers.

Congratulations to you both!
 
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Oh, I forgot to add this: Men tend to want to "Fix" all the problems. Sometimes women will have problems they want to complain about and not want you to Fix. Let her vent, then if she asks, offer a solution or a fix. But remember only offer a fix if she asks for one.

That might save you a year's worth of arguing time......I learned this one over a period of 10 years or so. LOL

Instead of saying, "Well, this is what you can/should........or Why don't/didn't you.... blah blah blah. Now, I say....."Well, that really sucks/is disappointing. Sorry it's a problem."

Oh, one more. Her problems are your problems too. Say "We" a lot when addressing those problems. It further solidifies the whole "team effort" mentality you are going to need over the next few years.
 
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