Jokes !!(Warning may contain offensive & explicit language)!!

Discussion in 'Osprey Knife & Tool' started by Osprey Knife & Tool, Dec 3, 2016.

  1. Warrior108

    Warrior108 Platinum Member Platinum Member

    Apr 24, 2012
    Hahahaha

    [​IMG]
     
  2. Nfd538

    Nfd538

    Jul 9, 2015
    What did one wall say to the other?

    Meet you at the corner.

    What a harmless corny joke 😁
     
  3. Warrior108

    Warrior108 Platinum Member Platinum Member

    Apr 24, 2012
    I'm ducking/cringing as I post this. Its been a long time since I heard it and in fairness, there's an equivalent joke busting on a man that I'll seek out also.


    A couple had been married for several years when suddenly the wife decides she'd like to have breast implants.

    The husband says, "Now, honey, you know we can't afford that kind of thing right now."

    "But I see you looking at other women," pleaded his wife, "and I want to be as attractive as they are to you."

    Days go by and the wife keeps insisting she needs breast implants, despite the protests of her husband. Finally, the husband has had it. So he says to his wife, "Honey, I have an idea. Every day, about twice a day, wad up some toilet paper, then rub it between your breasts. Repeat it 3 or 4 times each time."

    "You think that'll make my breasts larger!?" asked his wife.

    "Why not?" says the husband, "It worked wonders on your ass!"
     
  4. Warrior108

    Warrior108 Platinum Member Platinum Member

    Apr 24, 2012
    And the retort ...



    A couple had been married 15 years. One afternoon they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said, "Hey, honey you are getting fat. Your butt is getting huge. I bet it is as big as the gas grill now."

    The husband feeling he needed to prove his point, got a yard stick, measured the grill, then measured his wife's butt. "Yep," he said, "just what I thought, just about the same size." The wife got very incensed & decided to let him do the gardening alone. She went inside & didn't speak to her husband the rest of the day.

    That evening when they went to bed, the husband cuddled up to his wife, and said, "How about it honey? How about a little lovemaking?" The wife rolled over & turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder. "What's the matter?" he asked. To which she replied, "You don't think I am going to fire up this big ass grill for one little weenie, do you?"
     
    necrolicious likes this.
  5. Osprey Knife & Tool

    Osprey Knife & Tool Moderator Moderator Knifemaker / Craftsman / Service Provider

    Jun 4, 2014
    HAHAhahahahah I love it! LMAO:D:thumbup: All these jokes are great keep them coming guy's. I like coming here when I need a good laugh and enjoy sharing them with other people.
     
  6. prom52

    prom52 Gold Member Gold Member

    Jan 13, 2014
    It's time for a Bump"

    Husband Store

    A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:


    You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

    So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
    Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs


    She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

    Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

    'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

    So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
    Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.


    'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

    She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
    Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

    'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

    Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
    Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

    She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
    Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. (scroll and keep reading!)


    PLEASE NOTE:


    To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

    The first floor has wives that love sex.

    The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like drinking beer & knives

    The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
     
    gunslinger387 and Apocryphiliac like this.
  7. Lapedog

    Lapedog

    Dec 7, 2016
    Woops already posted this joke a while ago.
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2017
  8. Mish_Mike

    Mish_Mike

    227
    Mar 7, 2017
    @prom52, LOL. I've read this one before, but I still got a kick out of it...again.
     
  9. Osprey Knife & Tool

    Osprey Knife & Tool Moderator Moderator Knifemaker / Craftsman / Service Provider

    Jun 4, 2014
    That was a good one Peter I got a good laugh out of it!!! thanks for sharing I had not read that one before, I always enjoy a good joke!
     
  10. Warrior108

    Warrior108 Platinum Member Platinum Member

    Apr 24, 2012
    Ok, not really a joke but this video was funny as shit to me when, one minute you're thinking "Is that really a good idea to combine a knife and a spinner?" and then not 2 seconds into the video do you notice the bloody thumb with a bandaid. Probably not the best advertising there guys!

    http://knifenews.com/jho-knives-jokr-spinner-knife/
     
    Dritios likes this.
  11. FeralGentleman

    FeralGentleman RansomWildernessCo Dealer / Materials Provider

    Nov 13, 2013
    Just about the only critical thing I can say about an OKT knife.

    Keep 'em tucked under your shirt tails; out of sight, out of mind

    [​IMG]
     

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