Man I do love to hate hipsters...if GEC wants in on that market they still have a ways to go. They’ll need to check the following boxes:
1. All materials have to be made out of something super rare, exotic and...sustainable.
2. Really needs to be made in a loft in Brooklyn or somewhere not at all zoned for industrial use.
3. Some sort of crowd sourced funding startup money needs to be involved.
4. Needs to be made by some guy with a made up name and his three bros.
5. Man bun and his bros need to have expensive useless degrees and no idea what a machinist is or does
6. No middle aged blue collar folks around that have been making knives their entire lives.
7. Everything gets a bail and 6 ft chain.
8. It’s got to be harder to get than it is now. Think txt message meetup in sketch industrial areas at night.
9. Prices should start at eBay TC Barlow levels.
There, that’s a good start. I’m probably missing some rules.
How about:
10. Covers not made of animal products, or exploited plants, or anything artificial.
11. No fossil fuels may used in production process, only nice clean electricity.
12. All materials, including metals, must be sustainably harvested using only hand labor earning minimum wage or more.
13. The labor force must be unionized and ethnically consist of exactly the US averages.
14. Culturally offensive names, such as Stockman, who oppressed Native Americans, cannot be used.
15. Any name that might make someone think about fat, such as Sowbelly, cannot be used.
16. No knives will be produced capable of injuring anyone in any way, no matter how stupid they are.
17. 110% of the profits will be given to SJW or the equivalent.
18. Another 110% of the profits will be spent to combat global warming.
19. Another 110% of the profits will go to helping the poor.
20. Only then may the remaining profit go to the owners.
OK, got it up to 20. Next?
Edit: format
