Off topic - please humor me

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Dan Zawacki

Joined
Sep 23, 2006
Messages
366
Mods - I understand that this post is off topic, but this was the only place I was pretty sure that the folks I am familiar with all congregate on a regular basis. If you feel that you need to move this post, I will not be in the least offended, but considering the circumstances, I am not too proud to beg for a little leeway.

Folks, there comes a time in every mans life when he must cast aside any semblance of pride and any shred of dignity he may have been clinging to and not only accept graciously (for which I have endeavored never to be too prideful) but to outright beg for the sympathy, empathy, help, and well wishes of those he considered his peers and mentors.

While I am forbidden to disclose the details, suffice it to say, I am at such a point. Frankly, my life these last three months has been stark hell. The very foundations of my reality have been shaken and shattered, and I admit to occasional suicidal thoughts. I am not able to admit defeat (or I wouldn't be here anymore) but I have been brought lower than I ever thought was possible by the one person I was sure would never so much as consider such a turn of events.

The reasons for this post, I guess, are twofold. One to explain a long and deeply regretted absence from very good company here on bladeforums, and two, to do something I have never done before in my life. Ask for your prayers and well wishes.

Please, if yours is a specific faith, be it hindu, christian, muslim, wiccan, or whatever else, do not feel that I would be in the least ashamed, offended, argumentative, or in any other way opposed to the sincere observation of any faith, for that matter, well wishes from no faith in particular, agnostics, or athiests. I do believe that the higher power we all strive to understand hears the heartfelt prayers of all, and these days, it's all I seem to have left.

This particular issue has completely consumed my every waking thought for at least three months now, and shows absoloutley no sign of abating. Page, if you read this, I hope you aren't offended if that billet of damascus isn't finished by this years Ashokan, but for the last three months at least, and for the forseeable future, I am hanging up my hammer. I love bladesmithing, but right now, I simply can't be trusted to maintain the level of concentration to operate a forge or handle hot metal safely, nor could I even muster enough give a damn to stay safe if I decided to give it a shot.
 
Dan Zawacki said:
I admit to occasional suicidal thoughts.
Click to expand...

Remember suicide is a permanent solution for usually a temporary problem and is devastating to family and friends.

Dan Zawacki said:
The reasons for this post, I guess, are twofold. One to explain a long and deeply regretted absence from very good company here on bladeforums, and two, to do something I have never done before in my life. Ask for your prayers and well wishes.
Click to expand...

I'll remember to pray for you later tonight :thumbup:

Dan Zawacki said:
I am hanging up my hammer. I love bladesmithing, but right now, I simply can't be trusted to maintain the level of concentration to operate a forge or handle hot metal safely, nor could I even muster enough give a damn to stay safe if I decided to give it a shot.
Click to expand...

Don't worry when you get through this, some things take time, I'm sure you will have a better appreciation for your crafts and talents. Good luck and God bless :thumbup:.
 
Dan,
As a mostly retired psychologist who has done several thousand emergency assessments,if you are having even transient suicidal thoughts, please seek out some mental health therapy. While many people still think therapy is crap, I can honestly say that it can save your life. The symptoms you expressed can feel overwhelming, but the appropriate help can really help. It takes a strong person to admit that they need help, then go find it. I don't know you, but have seen similar situations more times than I can count. The stressors can get so overwhelming that you cannot see your way out. That is the time that professional help can be the most effective.
Chip Kunkle
 
you are in my thought and prayers, i wish you he best of luck and comfort that the lord can give. this group here on bladeforums is really a great bunch of people. thy care very much about everyone. a little over a year ago my wife walked out and said she wanted a divorce. i was shocked all to hell as i knew things where not great but i have never even considered a divorce. i opened up my heart to everyone here and received so much support it was over whelming. lots of good advice and phone numbers where offered up. I now pass on my support to you, if you need anything or just need to chat drop me a line and i will do what i can. we all care and want to help.
 
Things will always get better. I have had a few times in my life so far when it was just painful to be me. When it seemed like anything that I could look forward to as an abatement of misery was so far off that it would never happen. People would try to give me advice or cheer me up, and I probably didn't show them enough gratitude for their largely unsuccessful efforts.

I have had friends who I think were worse off in their dark times than I ever have been. I saw it with them, and it has happened to me- finally the day came when I realized it was easier to breathe, when I could take a moment to think without it turning into the same old problems dragging me down. Eventually I realized I had learned things of value through the experience.

A good friend of mine went through some bad emotional affairs with his lady, dropped it all and moved in with me and my wife, 2500 miles from home. Two years later, he's over it, and met a new girl (a real catch!) who is so much better for him than his ex was. They're engaged now. I'm so glad for him, just like I was glad for myself after I healed from some things, and just like I'm glad for you in the future when you feel sane, happy, and healthy again as an older and wiser bladesmith.

I know it's a cliche, but keep your head up brother. I know I don't know you, or what ails you specifically, but I tried to send some positive wishes for you to what(who)ever might be out there listening.

Salem Straub
 
Dan, if you need someone to talk to, please feel free to call or you need to get away for awhile come on down. Between the dogs and me we will take your mind off your problems for awhile.:thumbup:
If the dogs are not doing something stupid, I am, I'll invite the BBBB Beaver because, he always does something stupid. Hang in there Bro.:thumbup:
 
Dan,
You are a good man. When I put a hammer in your hand for the first time you were in need of that kind of tangible craft.
you were stressed and the work you were doing was all intangible if i remember correctly. You picked up the hammer and did excellent work which exceeded all expectations.
You came back and helped introduce new people to the craft. That billet was as much meant to reward good work as push you to the next level.
if you are having suicidal thoughts, get professional counciling, the first step was to tell friends about it, that was good, i'm glad you reached out for help. Don't feel pressure to finish the billet. When you are healthy it will come back naturally.
Get yourself healed
Stay in touch with your community here, you have our support and prayers as you need them

-Page
 
Dan, I guarantee that circumstances will get better, as long as you're still breathing. Just hang in there. Get a firm hold on your Faith, and It'll bring you through this. My prayers are with you, brother.
 
Dan, My thoughts and prayers are with you, buddy.

Hang in there and don't just sit and dwell on the present bad situation. Go visit someone who you can talk to.... a psychologist, your doctor, a pastor, a volunteer councilor, a good friend.

While many of us have a suicidal thought at some time, they should not be dismissed as not an issue. Just a chat with someone will help.

If you get a chance, go to someones shop and just sit around with a coke ( this is not the time for alcohol) and chit chat. It is only the end of May, so New Hampshire is probably still cold enough for you to put some wood in the pot belly stove, and set your feet on the rails.:D

Set a down the road goal, like going to Ashokan, and take life one day at a time till then.

You have lots of closer friends than me, but if you want to talk, just send me an email or call me.

Stacy
 
I have heard it said; "how you react, on the worst day of your life, is a true measure of your character".

When I was 20 years old I thought that day had come. I was wrong. When I reached 35, I thought the day had come, wrong again. At forty I was put to the test again, but that was not the worst day either. Now in my sixties the testing comes more often, but I have found I can survive and do survive; if for no other reason than to see how I react, on the worst day of my life.

Hang in there, you are being tested, push back, get stronger, you can and will survive.:thumbup:

Good karma sent, Fred
 
Dan, i'm sending some good thoughts your way, you will get through it, I have never seen such tenacity and will in a person before I met you.
 
Dan, you sound just like me 14 years ago. Numerous times I came close to taking my life.
Your cry for help is the first step. The next step is most important. Get professional help NOW! Don't wait any longer. No matter what your situation is now, it can be changed with professional help. You did not arrive at this point overnight and it will take time to heal.
If there is anything I can do, just let me know. If you want to talk, PM me your number. We'll talk on my nickle.
You matter to a lot of people.
 
Dan,

I don't know you at all, but echo the thoughts and sympathies of the other folks who've posted here. Despite how bad anything seems in a particular moment, you've got to realize that things can and will get better. I'm not a man of faith in any particular divinity, but good thoughts and well wishes from me are present. Take a little time, keep in touch with close friends and try to do a little something good every day. Things will turn around. In the meantime, just hang in there and stop back in here any time to say "Hi" or just shoot the bull.

-d
 
My thoughts are with you and I know things will get better even if it seems like they won't. Please take the suggestion of getting some help if you are really feeling this bad, and do it sooner rather than later. You may be surprised at how much talking with someone who is detached from the situation can help.
 
Dan,

A man who has never felt as you is a man who has never cared about anything. You obviously care greatly about people from what I've seen. Life isn't about just the good times and we all know there's plenty of bad with the good. Get up one day at a time, take one breath at a time and with every passing moment it will get better. Best wishes and talk to us (or someone) any time.
 
Dan,

I'm pretty sure I've never communicated with you until now. Most people who will ever walk the earth will go through situations that test them greatly. I have not been immune to adversity, tragedy, anguish, or dilemma.....and I no without a doubt, I'll experience it in the future. Letting go of all the things that you thought were important and finding what really is of value is the key. The thing that is of the most value to anyone in your life, is you! And your health is of the most value to you, physical, spiritual, and emotional. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Please Take care of Just You,

Bob,

Hershey, PA

Currently Surviving Life!
 
Thank you all.

Your well wishing, prayers and advice are appreciated a great deal. It really means a lot to me. I have a good support network around me, and am just beginning to come out of my shell enough to actually take advantage of it. On a purely mental level, I am aware that there is going to be a time that this issue will be behind me, and that there will come a time when the pain stops. I can't say that those thoughts don't make things any easier, because frankly, I don't know.

I do know that I am seeking out an old psychologist who had helped me with some problems when I was younger. I'm pretty sure I know where to find her.

Thanks again, and I'll be in touch.
 
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