Ok I have this 'friend'

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STR

STR

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This friend of mine is angry at me right now.

The reason he is angry is due to my making mention publically on this forum that I learned of some other thread on another forum from him. No mention was made of any of the comments or content of this contact I had with my friend. In fact no mention of how I learned about this other forum and the content there was shared at all. For all anyone knows this was learned in person, on the phone, in a post he made, or by email.

This has me concerned because I like to think I'm a stand up guy. I want to do right by him but also need to know for other reasons I won't get into regarding things said to me about it by him that make me both feel bad and angry that this even happened.

Now my question is: Did I violate some trust or boundary by sharing that I learned of content on another forum by mentioning that I learned it from a friend? This friend could have been anyone one of you so I want to make note of the responses, learn from it and move on. No BS please. Just honest take with no dog in the fight. No names other than mine please.

Simply give me your opinion of if you contacted me in anyway to share a link or a content somewhere else in any form from another forum and I let it out that I learned about it from you innocently thinking it was fine if you would be pissed about it or not. If you want to comment on why you would be angry at me for that if you did not mention that you didn't want anyone to know of your contacting me or if you want to suggest I should know this anyway without it being said say so and why.

My initial response was that I didn't see the problem with associating myself with my friends but if it is my bad I want to know about it.

STR
 
I can'r see it being a problem unless you were asked specifically to conceal the matter. Otherwise, we all pass info each other all the time. That's what email is for.

Gene
 
well, it's hard to say.

I think we all know that there are many times when the context of a conversation is such that it should tell a person to not list any names.
I believe that before you give anyone credit for statements on some topics you should firtst clear it with the person.

Many times when I write a post I may try to say things like - "A forum brother sent me this link..."
Other times when talking about things I have been told by others I will say, "I heard that I should do ___"

As some of you have questioned me over, I have always kept hidden my own family members and I dont really talk about children at all...
When it comes to the wife or kids, I tell a lot of stories about "Family members" rather than listing them by name so as to avoid anyone learning who has been saying what to me.
 
It is my firm belief that if I don't want something to be passed on by someone else, I will keep it to myself. If I tell something to somebody and that somebody tells somebody else, it is my fault for opening my mouth in the first place. If however, it was something told in a strict confidence, then I could understand a friend being upset. When somebody says to me that they are going to tell me something, but it is for me only, and please don't tell anyone else, I won't tell anyone else, period.
 
He accused me of posting the content of a private conversation which I did not do. As I said, at no time was anything he said to me shared even though he made no mention of any of it being for my eyes only so to be clear only his name was mentioned and what I learned of elsewhere was already known and being talked about. I just said I first learned about it from this friend.

I said he was angry. That may be accurate. He said he was more annoyed. Either way my question stands. If I did a boo boo then I need to know about it, make note of it and not repeat it.

Here is my friend's contact to me regarding my posting nothing but his name as the source for my learning something posted on another forum and what I learned was what he took to be a good thing so that again has me puzzled as to why it would make him angry if he sees the information there as good.

"Well that certainly showed a lot of class. Do you normally post the content of private communications on the internet?"

STR
 
Posting on-line is a bit different than being in a real person-to-person conversation.
The biggest difference is that here on-line , the whole world is watching whereas in a private conversation is just between two people.

If I were to let slip someone's name in a real live person-to-person conversation, the number of people that would ever learn of my error is still very limited....Perhaps 4 or 5, but after that we reach the limit of people that know me by name.

However on the internet one slip-up can be a topic of conversations around the world for years to come.
This is why we have to be so very carefull around some topics on forums that come with extra baggage and interest.

My advice for people learning to post on the Internet is to always remember that each of your posts can have a life of it's own, and can be something that connected to your name forever.
Thus the need to be show great care in connecting other people to things posted, for there too we may find that some names can be connected to some topics forever.
 
I agree with Keith:
If you don't want a secret shared, don't tell it.

On the other hand, you didn't say where you got the tip, did you? Your post was convoluted, but I gather you never mentioned who told you. If that's the case, I cannot understand what's bothering him.
 
STR said:
"Well that certainly showed a lot of class. Do you normally post the content of private communications on the internet?"
Click to expand...
Now as for this statement...

If the posting here is about a message posted out in the open on an open Message forum such as Blade Forums, then you cant really get too upset that it was quoted.

BUT!!!
But if the above is talking about an email, or a Private Message?...Then the guy has a strong point.

Talking about an email, or what has been told you in a PM is bad manners.
It's concidered the same as blabbing what was told to you in a whisper...
 
When you post on a forum you are putting it out there for the entire world to read it, for years to come no less! There is not even a hint of privacy implied in posting, in fact just the opposite. You can probably find his post from GOOGLE....

Good Luck...
 
As I said the info on the other forum was already public and it was already being talked about by others including this friend who passed it on to me letting me know about it with one little comment that was never repeated. So, his words to me have not been shared. All that was shared was his name which is also very public and already out there even more so than my own. How he contacted me was not mentioned but it was private. Again no mention of keeping any contacts private was made.

I would agree that if I repeated words shared in private its a no brainer that need not be asked. Its my bad if thats the case and I owe him an apology. That didn't happen though. At best along with how I learned about something, all that really was shared was his name.

So perhaps I should have asked, if any of you sent me a link privately to another public discussion with no mention that your doing so was a secret and no asking me to keep it private and I shared that link and where I got it to anyone else whether it was public or private would you have a problem with it?

STR
 
In short he's crazy, and it's not your problem.

The whole point of the forums is share information and community. If he's worried about "secrets" or "controversy" then he needs to watch what he writes or posts.
 
I believe you did nothing wrong whatsoever! You didn't give a name or any other info that could link your friend to that post. And, if that was a post from a different "public" forum that you are speaking about, what gives this person the right to be mad? Does this person have a copywrite on the thread or something? Good lord, this person needs to get a grip and lay off the coffee. STR, from the posts I have read of yours and the interaction I have had with you, you are a stand-up guy and a good human being. Don't worry about it. If this person is a real friend, they will see their rediculous behavior and apologize.
MPE
 
He's probably worried that he will be banned from that other forum, for providing information to somebody on this forum. It may be that the information in question was originally thought to be good information and he thought he was doing a good thing by bringing it up, but then it turned out to actually be disastrous information and therefore anybody associated with it being discussed here might be stigmatized. I don't know, since nobody in this thread has said anything specific about anything. ;) Ultimately, it is his own cross to bear if he wants to keep company with people like that.
 
STR said:
with one little comment that was never repeated.


So perhaps I should have asked, if any of you sent me a link privately to another public discussion
Click to expand...

OK, see with the above information we slide into a weird area where there is a danger zone ...LOL

Now at this moment I dont really understand the context of this; "with one little comment that was never repeated"
Could you fill in for me what you mean by this part of your post?
Are you saying that the guy wanted it not "repeated"?

Now as for the question you are now asking us, this is what I think is the best way to answer your question;
Let's say that I sent you a Private Message where I talk to you about some topic in big debate, and then add a link to a site .
My view is that all the comments I gave to you in the Private Message are just that 'PRIVATE'!
Therefore I would expect you not to quote me in any open forum posting you make.
If I had wanted to have my good name connected to the things I tell you in my Private Message, I would have posted it to you in the Open Forum, and not gone to the trouble to sent it to you on the sly in a Private message.

The link should not be connected by you getting it from me in a Private Message.
The context of a Private Message is that this is to be kept secret.
Being able to trust your friends enough to know how to deal with information they get from Private Messages helps us grow stronger friendships.

Haveing a forum friend who turns around and blabs about things he learned in a Private Message will only cause people to be needlessly embarrased and cause people not to trust others again...

SO....in the future a standard "Good Manners" way to act when dealing with important information you receive from a friend in their Private Message to you, would be to never talk about where you received this "Private Message information if you plan to make use of it in an Open Forum posting.

EXAMPLE-
"I received from a Forum Brother this link ____"
Is better than saying; "STR sent me this link ____"

Just as I see you clearly know already that it's far better to title a new topic as - "Ok I have this 'friend'
Rather than a title like -"Should STR is upset with me over this?"

STR said:
This friend of mine is angry at me right now.
Click to expand...
Is a great post.
It tells us right at the start that we are dealing with a danger to a friendship.
Thus, if a person wants to do right by a friend, then it would seem very clear how we should come to this topic.
Come to the person as if you want to be his friend, for the sake of his friendship.
 
I never quoted anyone Alan. Nothing in the way of any of his words was shared publically at anytime period. His comment along with the link he sent me was not repeated so asking me to now make it public and shed light on it is like asking me to do what you are suggesting I should not and truthfully if I shared the actual communication of his comment with you his argument would be valid. I am not doing that.

I never did that in the first place. His personal statements quotes or whatever you want to refer to it as that were made to me are still mine and not shared. The only thing shared was the fact that I learned about this other post, on this other forum, from him and that he thought was good news mind you. Nothing else was ever mentioned. I didn't even share the link but just made mention in passing that I first found out about it from him. I did not even state how. For all anyone knew reading that it was from another post or in personal conversation.

In conclusion. After sleeping on it, relaxing some at the gun and knife show today in Tulsa and hypothically asking some I know and some I really don't know that well the same questions as presented here I really don't think its fair to expect anyone to read thoughts to automatically know in this case when someone wishes to remain anonymous about turning you on to something they think is a good thing no matter how they did so. How does one know this in the rules of a relationship unless they state it? I just thought it was worth a third party perspective to try to give the benefit of the doubt because I am sorry it happened. I did not want it and rarely have relationship problems. If I erred in judgement I wanted to know about it, make the corrections, apologize and learn and grow from it. Nothing more.

You have been very helpful. I thought I had a pretty good take on things but I readily admit I do not know everything. For what its worth to my friend, or rather my x friend now I guess, I am sorry I caused you to feel this way but I really feel its a bit out there in your expectations of me or any of your other friends. I mean that sincerely.


STR
 
STR said:
. His comment along with the link he sent me was not repeated so asking me to now make it public and shed light on it is like asking me to do what you are suggesting I should not and truthfully if I shared the actual communication of his comment with you his argument would be valid. I am not doing that.
Click to expand...
I seem to have made a mistake in the way I posted my question.

I did not mean to ask - "what did he say not to tell anyone?"....
Rather I just did not understand if there was something that you had already posted that he asked you to not repeat?

(If you understood I wanted to know something 'secret' then I clearly didnt write my question to you correctly.)

My concern at the time of my question was they you seemed to be saying to us that you posted something already out in the open forum that the other guy wanted kept in secret...
I didnt understand why you would do that?...but I was not sure thats what you were telling us.

From your last post I now understand that you Never posted anything that you were asked to keep secret...This is showing good manners on your part.
The posting of where you learned about something from a Private Message is still not a very good way to go.
Whenever you post about something you learned in a private Message you have to always play it close to the vest and keep names out of it....
"Someone sent me this link" ....is a safer way to post...
 
Now at this moment I dont really understand the context of this; "with one little comment that was never repeated"
Could you fill in for me what you mean by this part of your post?
Are you saying that the guy wanted it not "repeated"?
Click to expand...


Perhaps I read it wrong but it seems to me you are asking for further comment on the context of his statement to me and that was private. I can't really not say something. But if I understand your question. He did not at any time inform me that he wanted any of it kept private or his ID kept anonymous as him sending it to me. He just expects that its a given and that I should have known that his telling me about this good news was not to be let out. To me his words to me in the text of any private messages are private. No one is arguing that, but when someone sends you a good link generally speaking its not usually something they would want to distance themselves from in my experience.


STR
 
STR said:
Perhaps I read it wrong but it seems to me you are asking for further comment on the context of his statement to me and that was private.
Click to expand...

Yes, I see how now that you could get that from my bad wording...
It makes my post seem to be leaning into the very thing I was attempting to aim away from...LOL
 
Be that as it may.....what do we do now?

My advice is to remember that you cant change the past, you cant back-up time...Thus at this point the best you can do is to tell the guy.

"Sorry for the misunderstanding, it will not happen again"

Thats about all you can do....You can only change the future, the past is over and done with...
This then places the ball in the other guy's side of the net...
We all make errors in the minds of other's. we all do things that other people had wished we would have not done at all...But a friend will forgive...
 
Everything I know about you Steve, both firsthand and through various forums, leads me to conclude you're a stand-up guy. Sounds like the two of you had a miscommunication, at most. If he chooses to make more of it than that, well then maybe he's not your friend.
 
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