One day only!

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This is so true

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A long time ago my father had a friend from the San Antonio office and his family stay with ours for a couple of days. Bill was a nice enough guy but enjoyed his beer a little too much from time to time. His wife was nice and even nicer to look and his two kids were about my age and had a lot in common with my brother and I. So needless to say we all got along and had a good time. You know the drill when families get together, summer time hanging out by the pool grilling burgers and things like that. One evening, while I was climbing out of the pool I hear my father yell out "BILL DON'T PEE IN THE POOL". I heard Bill reply, "Why not? Everyone does it" followed by my father yelling, "YEA BUT NOT FROM THE DIVING BOARD!!!" I turned around to see Bill standing at the end of the diving board, holding his junk pissing into the pool as the kids were trying their hardest to walk on water.
 
If you really want to see something funny,

[youtube]1Fza2Ebxzzw[/youtube]
 
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I guess jean wins the prize for posting so many damn funnies?
 
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Why Athletes Can't Have Regular jobs.

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role
model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan'
all the kids to copulate me."

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about
the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever
comes first."

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skin's say: "I'd
run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the
Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his
coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann:
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein."

6. Senior basketball player at the University of
Pittsburgh : "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it
takes." (Now that is beautiful)

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You
guys line up alphabetically by height.." And, "You guys pair up in
groups of three, and then line up in a circle."

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to
prison: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to
prison for three years, not Princeton ."

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Black Hawks left wing,
explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my
clothes."

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan
training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at
six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is."

11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball
player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at
practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going
to be an uncle or an aunt." (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room
temperature in January)

12. Frank Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former
player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or
apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M,
recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son,
looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford:
"I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious."

15. Amarillo High School and Houston Oiler coach Bum
Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road
trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss
good-bye."
 
A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"
"Both son. God is both."
After a while the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"
"Both son, both."
The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"
 
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