OT: Threats from ex-boyfriends

Eikerværing

Eikerværing

Joined
May 30, 2002
Messages
374
This forum is about knives but also about personal matters as I have seen. So I thought I could post this here.

I live together with two students (females) in a bofellesskap provided by the Student Association. It is a bofellesskap where persons who are previously unfamiliar with eachother are put to live together.

Last evening one of the girls received threats from her ex-boyfriend on the phone. The girl was all tears and very scared.

She is here in Norway only for this semester as a foreign exchange student as she usually studies in Madrid. Her ex called from her home island Gran Canaria.

She broke up with him about a month ago. He threatens her to come back to her. He talks as if she belongs to him and asks her why she is working against his will to ruin his life. His logic is that if she is not with him she is against him, or something. The man sounds psycho.

On the phone he said that he was going to do something with her brother at home, and he was going to travel to Norway to destroy her life here.

She tells me he has never hit her but held her very firmly on several occations when she wanted to escape him. He also enjoys yelling at her in full public.

She is scared now because usually her ex just yells at her a lot and nothing more happens. This time he was different. He wasn't angry and he didn't yell. He sounded determined. That is why she is scared.

She tells me that in the Latin world mistreatment of women in various forms is a big problem. At least a much bigger problem than in Northern Europe. As I understand her it is a common event in Spain that a lot of men beat on their wives.

I don't want to underestimate the chances for that he might come to Norway and show up at our door, even though he doesn't speak a single word English. So I am prepearing myself and I have asked her a little bit about him. He is short (1,64 meters) and fat but has some muscles and is strong. A bit neanderthaloid body build as I understand. He has a collection of both large and small knives. No guns. He has been in fights before and he is vengeanceful as he remembers events for years and will do what he can to get back at someone.

Well, I hope he shows up so I can get a chance to "talk" with him in a gentlemanly manner...

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The reason for posting this is that I seem to remember some of you guys here have lived through a lot of things. You might have some experience on the subject. Is there a good way of detering people like this guy in order to avoid conflict? Is it possible to scare an angry animal from attacking?

I know some of you might say that the girl needs a self defence class and a concealed weapon. But forget it, there are no self defence classes in Norway, only martial arts, and I don't think a weapon would do any good in her hands. She is not the type to use it. And besides, I think he has some psychological grasp on her so she wouldn't be able to use it on him anyway.


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Uncle Bill

Do you have a special khukuri somwhere that hungers for some bad guys? I was looking for a new purchase on the weapon side anyway.

My 20 Ang Khola is too heavy for this matter.
 
Better gear than good sense a traveller cannot carry,

Better than riches to a wretched man far from his home


A wayfarer should not walk unarmed, but keep his weapons close to hand

He knows not when he may need a spear, or what perils meet upon the road

By the first Eik, I mean calm down, think rationally, use the law/authorities if possible.

By the second I'm implying that whatever arms you choose for protection, be alert, keep them ready and accessible at all times. A razor sharp Tarwar tucked in the closet won't help when there's a switchblade stuck in your ribs.

Sarge
 
Håvamål is good. Thanks Sarge. I will read it again.

We have already discussed the law. Her father is going to make some things by the law at home. Nothing we can do by the law here.

She might get a restriction order on him at home. We all know that has never been effective on men of his caliber.

I think I am relaxed. It is just that I care.

About weapon of choice, I don't like to fight with weapons, they slow me down. I prefer empty handed and that is how I will make any self defence. But just in case, it could be smart to have a knife also. I already have a feather light and lightning quick Saami. But a khukuri would be nice as a complementary.


Oh, and I forgot to mention. That guy was a bit upset one time because she didn't answer the phone and she told him that she had been in my room talking. He didn't like that. So possibly he is coming for me also.


Thanks again Sarge!
 
Forgot an important point Eik, get a recent picture of this guy, print copies and enlist friends and neighbors to be on the lookout for him. If he shows up in your AO, you can get the drop on him. Use whatever tactical advantage you can gain. Don't let him surprise you, you surprise him. Most bullies are cowards, and you might scare him off without having to mix it up. Good luck.

Sarge
 
Eikerværing,


It's a game some jerks play to try and mess with the girls head and hopefully drive you away. In their little screwed up mind they think she will go back to him after you end it with her.
 
Eikerværing,

I think you might have read some of my posts'. I was raised to respect your elders, never start a fight. I was told if some one touches my sister to beat him with what ever was available, bottle, club, bat, a stick or your fists. I was taught if anyone disgraced your nationality you must fight to the death. I was in grammer school when I was tested and have fought for over 40 years. The phychologists say I'm wrong? But my Italian heritage says I'm honorable.

The "Hispanics" believe in "machismo". Dishonor a male and you are allowed to physicaly hurt the female.

I am not sure what to tell you. You talk as a educated person and street fighting is not taught in school.

Get mean, get angry, get crazy..................fill in the rest.

Sam
 
I think Sarge gave you some pretty good advice. The pictures are a very good idea. The more people know about this guy and what he looks like the better.

I don't know how you are built but, the guy sounds like he might be one of those grapplers like Munk run into. If you have some long arms try to not let him get his hands on you. Try to stay back and give him some long range pops in the nose and the jaw. If he is mean enough I wouldn't feel bad about using your feet. They hit a lot harder anyway.

I don't understand the law not wanting to help you . Would they help if he was in Norway? I would still do like Sarge says and have a 15" khuk around pretty handy or a good club.
 
I believe that the Dean of Students should be made aware of this situation also. Perhaps he can do more with the law than you can. Just a thought. Who ever is in charge of the Students.
 
Ok firstly, if your friend hasnt done this already, she needs to be very clear to this guy that things are over, in this situation I would suggest it would be best through written communication. No lets be friends crap, things are over, and she wants him to stay far away. Also, she should warn him that she will take legal action if he does not stay away and leave her alone. If this guy aint completely cookoo he may back off when threatened with legal action. She should not continue to talk to him. If things are over there is no reason for them to communicate, especially if this is how he is reacting. This guy is looking for strings to hold onto, the more she talks to him, even if she doesnt mean to, the more she strings him along. Hope springs eternal for guys like this. Secondly, I personally do not like the fact that she brought you up when talking to this guy. Are you two together? If not, then she is stringing this guy along further. While to both of you, it may not be something big, to him its a point of further contention. Again, she should stop communicating with him. Also I urge you not to confront him in person. If he is really bonkers your presence will only aggrevate him further. Defend your friend if it comes to it, but if you go looking for this guy for a talking to you are only asking for a fight. Like poking a hungry and wounded bear with a short stick. Also, remember the police are your friends. If this guy is making terroristic threats, let the police know. If you document a pattern of behavior that will make legal action down the road easier (I am thinking of US law but cant be too different). Restraining orders are good. Its all fine and dandy to talk about self defense, but its also good not to go to jail for it yourself. Courts can be fickle, especially if you are a martial artist and he is not, then you (and not him) may wind up in jail, and then who will defend your friend. A restraining order will go light years in proving self defense, however even without that, police record that this guy has been pulling this crap will make them side with you when the **** hits the fan so to speak. Again I stress, your friend must cut off all communication with this guy.
 
Seems others have given you good advise here.:D

I will add this though.

Her ex boyfriend shouldn't be you problem at all, it's her problem to deal with alone. If she can't deal with it then SHE needs to goto the police and make sure he gets the message.

If she can't cut it off then maybe she really doesn't want too..;) That's something to think about....She could be playing a game here, dragging you into the middle. If it was me I would give her a choice, cut it off or I would be gone.

It sounds like a game to me. (Been there and got the T-Shirt)

You have to ask yourself why is she even talking to this dude in the first place? Why doesn't she just hangup the phone?

I think you really need to take a good look and use your BRAIN.:)

You need to stay out of it, it's not your problem, it's hers.
 
Eik (I'm in Paris now and not used to French keyboards so if the letters are funny my apologies)

Pappy's and Frederico's advice is extremely good. Taking full advantage of what the authorities can do costs nothing and fully documents the situation in your favor should things get ugly later on.

Unless this fellow is really disturbed, it is sadly more likely that your friend will have a longer term problem back home than she will in Norway.

Nevertheless, some one hotheaded and young can behave crazily. The only problem is that you are young with a full life ahead of you, too. And if there is any violence and if you are armed (and since you have had martial arts training), you will be partly blamed even if he is armed (in any case, you will have to explain why you were carrying a weapon anyway and it will go on your record which will constrain your ability to defend yourself for the rest of your life - you now have a "history" of armed fighting even if in self defense).

I'll pass on a suggestion a wise teacher once passed on to me when a) someone sadly comes looking for trouble, and b) you unfortunately have had martial arts training and so cannot carry a weapon without some consequences. Assuming you are right handed, in your right pocket carry a roll of thick coins (in the US a roll of quarters would be used). In your left pocket carry a small towel wrapped in a roll and salt wrapped in tissue paper.

This won't help if someone jumps you and stabs (but then again very little will). But usually hotheads can't think sanely enough and need to make a lot of noise in a confrontation (especially since he needs to "prove" something to himself in front of your friend).

Anyway if he appears and confronts you and your friend first try to walk away (but never turn your back on him). In the meantime look down and slip both hands into your pockets as if you are scared and trying to avoid a fight. Grab the roll of coins with your right hand, wrap your left hand and wrist in the towel, and grab the salt/break the tissue paper. If he draws a knife or takes a swing, use your training to back away. At the same time, use your left hand in a jab to throw salt at his face (knife guys unless their really new will stab or swing low with a knife). You'll probably get some salt in his eyes so he will be blinded for a moment and bring his non-knife hand to his eyes. If so, use your towel covered left hand to grab his knife hand/wrist, he will try to swivel the blade around to cut you but if your wrist is covered, he can't do serious damage. Then kick him in the balls, knees, or shin (prefered) and/or use your right hand with the coin roll and aim for his nose/eyes/throat/upper stomach (don't go for his mouth; that may hurt you more than him). Either the kick or the coin roll braced blow should drop him. Kick the knife away and get the police on him.

If he confronts you in a bar when you are drinking (for some reasons these macho guys when bothered over girls like to confront people in bars - may be they need an audience) and you have some stiff alcohol handy, take big sip of the drink (this also makes him feel that you are backing down) then spit the alcohol into his face. Again, the alcohol will blind him and you can take him down (spitting a drinks is actually more effective that thowing salt).

Practice a few times until your pretty confident about blinding him (get a friend who doesn't mind having salt and beer in his eyes - better be a good friend). Anyway, that way you don't have to risk carrying a weapon. It's different in Europe where there are few handguns. One can protect oneself without carrying a weapon.

You're a young man. No sense in risking your future by carrying something which may get you in trouble when you don't need to.

Hope this is helpful.
 
Anderson's advice came up while I was typing. His advice is also very, very good (wish I thought of mentioning it myself).
 
Eikerværing,

There is a good chance that your room mate is playing you for a sucker. Perhaps she is a real B_T_H and wants to see her Spanish boyfriend to prove his devotion by dropping in and fighting with you. Or, perhaps she likes to play games and wants to see how you react. If the threat were serious wouldn't she head home to family and take care of it? What was she doing hanging with this caveman in the first place?

If I were you I would relax. Unless you have recently contracted to serve as her personal body guard you have no role in this thing. If he does pop up - stay out of it. He is not going to hit her in front of witnesses; and confronting him, especially when it is none of your business, is certainly not going to make things better. You don't know this guy. Just treat him like you would any other stranger/guest; offer him a seat, hand him a beer, then stick around (as a witness) and read a book/watch TV or something.

Don't intervene unless things get well out of hand. If you play this correctly, 99.99% of the time you can break the tension by simply reminding them that you are there (eg. "Hey, WTF going on, I can't even hear the G-D TV set"). The guy would probably stop, get embarassed that you overheard him losing control, and leave.

If all fails, a nice sirupati should do just fine. Just remember that you might end up sharing a cell with some big dude named bubba for a l-o-n-g time.

n2s
 
Hi all!

Seeing that this takes place in Norway, I'd also like to butt in...
Eikerværing, do remember that it is illegal to prepare for a fight in Norway.
If there should be a rumble, and you're prepared, the police will not treat you very nice, as that would indicate that you knew something was about to happen.
Cops: "why didn't you file a charge in the first place?"
Eik: "because I knew you wouldn't do anything"
Cops: "thats irrelevant, we are here to protect citizens"
Eik: "history shows that you are incapable of protecting anyone, not even women"
Cops: "that's BS. WE handle things like this, not some smartass playing Batman. I'm afraid you'll have to stay here for a while..."


You must at least notify the local police that someone is being threatened.
If you don't do that, YOU will come out as the bad guy. UANSETT!

Knife in self-defense? Please don't. You'd get so much trouble you wouldn't believe it.

I'd go for the salt-throwing over knife fighting.

The only self defense that is accepted here, is running...
And if you were the one to attack upon hearsay from this girl, you'd better be wearing waders, cause you'll be in deep deep sh|t with the law...

Gugsi

PS jeg håper det går bra, og at kjæresten til jenta bare har det i kjeften. Vanligvis så er det slik, men man vet jo aldri.
 
HUGE amounts of insightful advice in the later posts....

Been there, didn't get a T-shirt.

Put on paper all you know. Never threaten. Anything you have can be considered a weapon by an official who wants to think it is one.

Not being unsympathetic to the woman, but...truly...odd things happen.

You know, a very large magic marker would be a good thing for someone in a dormitory situation to carry...even understandable and (no pun intended) defensible.)

Should a situation occur, yell as often and loudly as you can, "PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!!!" while you do as much damage as you can.

But leaving the situation is the very best advice.

Hang in there, friend.
 
Originally posted by gugsi
Hi all!

Seeing that this takes place in Norway, I'd also like to butt in...
Eikerværing, do remember that it is illegal to prepare for a fight in Norway.
If there should be a rumble, and you're prepared, the police will not treat you very nice, as that would indicate that you knew something was about to happen.
Cops: "why didn't you file a charge in the first place?"
Eik: "because I knew you wouldn't do anything"
Cops: "thats irrelevant, we are here to protect citizens"
Eik: "history shows that you are incapable of protecting anyone, not even women"
Cops: "that's BS. WE handle things like this, not some smartass playing Batman. I'm afraid you'll have to stay here for a while..."


You must at least notify the local police that someone is being threatened.
If you don't do that, YOU will come out as the bad guy. UANSETT!

Knife in self-defense? Please don't. You'd get so much trouble you wouldn't believe it.

I'd go for the salt-throwing over knife fighting.

The only self defense that is accepted here, is running...
And if you were the one to attack upon hearsay from this girl, you'd better be wearing waders, cause you'll be in deep deep sh|t with the law...

Gugsi

PS jeg håper det går bra, og at kjæresten til jenta bare har det i kjeften. Vanligvis så er det slik, men man vet jo aldri.
Click to expand...


yep the best advice is mind your own business here elver as you will be in deep poo, the girl means nothing to you so the best you can do is tell her to see the authoritys. usualy the one to get hurt in these situations is the innocent party such as yourself trying to help so keep out of it mate. regards kendo :)
 
ME: "Hello hows it going"
HER: "Great, I was just going to call you."
ME: "Sorry I wasnt in town last night, I left a message."
HER: "Oh, thats alright, actually I gotta go, could you call me tomorrow, and we'll figure out something to do."
ME: "OK."

tommorrow.

ME on machine:"HI you told me to call again, dunno if your just out, will try back in a few."

ME few hours later:"Hi oh well talk to you later."

Next day on my phone.
Strange guy:"You will leave NAME alone. She's told me youve been harassing her, if you call again I will call the cops." And so on with many expletives.

Moral of the story, one girls crazy, is sometimes a confused guy.
 
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