My kid once ran the water hose into the basement for a day and a half and no one noticed....
I'm going to use this opening of yours, Josh, to tell a story. One thing I've learned from Walosi, Yvsa, and Bobwhite is humility when it comes to pain. I feel like I have a head cold next to the challenges these gentlemen have faced in their lives. But the night before your washer attacked....
..I had an appointment to see an ENT in a little town off the Hi Line. (US Route 2) The CAT scan I'd ordered delivered and varified arrival that afternoon wasn't there; they'd sent another similar named patient two of his instead. But the Doctor did get to see the Xrays I'd brought along just in case. A bone in my nose needed to be moved back into place. He felt around the fractured orbit and maxilla and seemed to know what he was doing, as he struck every sensitive faultline. He didn't like the fact that two weeks had passed and now he was going to have to break the knitting material. What he really didn't like was my right pupil nearly fixed into place. We established an emergency appointment for the next morning with an eye Doc.
The proper procedure with the nose was to place the patient in general anesthesia and set the nose. That would mean I couldn't drive home, and I didn't want my wife to come and get me, as she'd already been through too much. Making an appointment for the next day another 100 miles away seemed even worse. There was another way- the old fashioned way.
The Doctor and Nurses eyed each other. "I'll do it." I said.
So I sat in a big lavender chair and the Doctor stuck a large gauge needle of novacaine into the flesh under the nose. This was to numb the nose so he could do his job. This needle went in and out, and found all kinds of places. When he moved over to a crushed place, he mentioned it might be a little uncomfortable. Huge tears were rolling down my cheeks. A nurse patted my hand. I was grateful for every pat. Naturally, I wouldn't let her know that.
They didn't have the right kit for the job so the Doctor improvised with a probe and his thumb. He'd mentioned it would take "considerable force". He used the probe like a path finder, stretching the tissue out in every direction so that it would then settle back into proper shape; like the fender of a car, I guess.
He started pushing hard on the nose. I kept thinking he was wasting his time. Then there was this loud 'crunch" and everyone in the room gasped, including me.
"There it was." Said a Nurse.
I got out of the chair. They were a little confused as to what to do with me. Apparently people faint during or after. I was trembling violently. I could barely hold the cup of water the Nurse brought. I had her call home as I couldn't trust my speech yet. My three year old hung up on her, but on the next attempt she got through to my wife. They talked a bit and then the Nurse thrust the phone towards me, "she wants to talk to you." I invented a kind of weird snarl that didn't sound too bad, I thought, and managed some yes and no.
But when my wife asked, "Why don't you just stay over at the Hotel?" I laughed, really laughed. Through all the pain of my stupid drunkeness, the concussion, stitches, eye and nose, I just had to laugh.
"Why in hell didn't you ask me that a couple weeks ago?" I asked, "I could have gotten drunk at the bar and really tied one on, then holed up in my very own room."
.. ....
I couldn't take the pain medicine as I had to drive home. "It's snowing you know." My wife had said. It was 5 degrees outside and I really shook starting up her little front wheel drive Honda. I shook hard until the heater kicked in, unfortunately, there was a dead mouse in the car somewhere, probably in the vent, and when the heat was on you smelled roasting bloated mouse. The snow wasn't too bad until 6 or 7 miles out of town, then the wind kicked up. I kept driving slower and slower through the white sheet. The car was over the center line so I could keep her on the road. Soon I couldn't see any more line. Then I couldn't see anything. Now, I really didn't want to spend the night in the little white Honda with fresh broke nose, a dilated pupil, concussion, white out, and dead mouse, but it didn't look like I had much choice. "Please God, Help me. Get me out of here." I wished like Hell I'd stopped at the ranch I'd seen earlier but now I was twenty miles out or twenty miles in from any safe haven. There'd been a yellow light I'd seen in the distance from time to time, and I saw it now. I started the car forward and foot by foot headed towards it. Yeah, you know it, it was the Snow Plow. He'd seen me in his rear view mirror and waited.
I followed him for another 10 miles, sometimes at 3 mph, sometimes we made 30. When he stopped at the top of a grade I waited behind him. I wasn't going anywhere. When he got out of the truck I left the car too and we met in the blizzard. I shook his hand. 'You just saved me." I said. "Thanks, thanks a lot."
'You're welcome, glad I could do it. Where you headed?"
"Zortman".
"I can take you to the turn off, that's where I stop."
Another Snow Plow was heading towards us, coming from the North. I saw it was towing a car. Standing there in the wind, with the white snow blasting by, I could smell the alcohol on the Driver's breath, but I didn't give a damn how my Angels show up, just that they do.
munk
