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rev_jch

Joined
Jul 29, 2002
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guys this is not knife related, but please pray for me. my wife left me sunday night and is determined to leave me for good. I am absolutley surprised and heart broken, please pray for me I really need it. I cannot sleep at night, saddest of all today is my 35th birthday and it well you know....stin....without her :0(

Ive tried to talk to her, she says she never loved me. Im tired have not slept more than 6 hours since saturday, came to my parents house 90 miles from columbus where i live to get some sleep, not much better. my wife is slowly cleaning her stuff from our home, its pretty lonely there. I am absolutely heart broken, I still love her very much, hurts to know she does not. this is my 2nd marriage, 1st one left me for another man she was pregnant with his baby. even took my two kids have never seen them since (over 6 years ago). I thought this one was different. now she says our marriage was a lie. She was diagnosed with lupus last year, I wonder if this has something to do with it, or adds to it, also the medications, prednisone, other medications, etc. all I know is she will not consider coming home, she is through.
wow I feel like a real looser :(
 
I'm very sorry to hear this. I know that there is nothing that I can say that will help right now, but you are in my prayers.

Jack
 
Well, first off, stop calling yourself a loser! You can't control her, anymore than you can control the weather. I'm inclined to think her medication has something to do with her behavior, as she must have loved you when she married you.

Bottom line is, she's going to do what she wants to do. You WILL survive, and will probably be better off in the long run if she truly didn't love you. Keep your head up, and stay positive, no matter what.
 
Been through kinda the same, survived slowly one day at the time, keep busy, visit your pals and don't try to think to much. What does not kill us makes us stronger and all pain will fade away eventually.
 
Like Danbo says you can't control her, but take control over what is in your sphere of influence your physical and mental health, and look to protect yourself.

I've had many friends go through the same thing, and they all wished they had taken better care of themselves and their interests.

Your in my thoughts Rev like the Dead say in A Touch of Gray You will survive, you will get by.
 
Hang in there, my friend. And don't call yourself a loser. You are only 35 and you have a whole life ahead of u. I guess wait till the emotional wounds are healed then u can see that there are indeed lots of great things waiting for u to hapeen in your life. Just relax and let yourself be as easy as u can right now. And hey, pal, don't forget what is more important to ya, it's your birthday, man! So Happy Birthday to ya! You will be in my prayer. And one more thing, just do me a favour and promise me that you will be strong and hang in there, ok? Let me know. All the best, man. All the best.
 
First off I'm sorry to hear of your crisis. Just keep hold of your wits. Success and failure are both events. They are not people. Loser? You cannot be a loser. Both losing and gaining are events and experiences in life they are not a person. We all have peaks and valleys. What goes up comes down. You are in a valley right now but rest assured there will be another peak to look forward to.

When dealing with people and in particular loved ones, your best bet is to let go. Give her all the time she needs and realize that love has nothing to do with it. Many people very much in love with each other are in the process of splitting up right now as I type. Committment is the difference. If there is something there letting go won't hurt. If there isn't anything there then hanging on makes no sense.

In truth regardless of how hard it may be to belief, you feel the way you do by choice. You can chose to be down and let the outward circumstances of your life dictate how you feel or you can take back control and chose to feel differently at any time. I've been there. My first wife crushed me also. Left me for another man, screwing him while she was pregnant with my son and I was away in basic training. At first I felt like you. In time I realized later that her leaving me was a gift in disquise. It was a blessing.

Let her go and act like you can live without her. Be upbeat and engergetic when you see her. Offer her any help she needs to get out, always offer to be there but don't push. If there is anything there the spark will rekindle itself. If not then you will attract someone else by being upbeat and self assured. Lastly remember what I said above that both winning and losing are events, not people. You will win again I promise you.
 
I will be thinking of you and you will be in my prayers! I want you to know that time heals all wounds and things WILL get better. You are not a loser....I have been thru several tragedies in my life and have survived. You may want to see about getting on a anti-depressant. Good luck Rev!!!
 
Hang in there, and FWIW, I can tell you prednisone does cause "roid rage" and agitation if taken for very long or at high doses.
 
daveh I think you are right. thank you everyone for your prayer and concern, i think I will try to go home soon. Ive been with my parenst for the last few days, avoiding home. thnaks gain, it means so much!!!! please pray that I can finally sleep tonight.
 
Rev, try and get some sleep. A belt of Jack, a long run, sitting down to a long movie, whatever gets you tired enough to get a little rest, do it. Things will seem better in the morning.

You're in my prayers, bud.
 
Rev--hang in there, man. I can't imagine what you are going through right now, but I do know that time will heal the hurt.

--Josh.
 
Rev,

Like everyone else has said, you're not a loser. Danbo gave you some really good advice, take it. And remember, you have a bunch of friends here, even though you've never met us. W're pulling for you.

James
 
If you are indeed, a "Rev", pray for strength and peace from God. If you aren't a "Rev", get laid, and get on with YOUR life.

Sorry for being so blunt, but I've been down that road myself a couple of times, and getting laid DID help...It showed me that I AM worth someting to other people.
 
That sucks man and trust me, I know how it feels. My wife left me upon her return from a one year deployment in Iraq. Turns out the whole time I had been waiting for her to come home she had been having an affair with a guy in her unit. I can say that, beleive it or not, it does get better with time. It's been about 5 months now and while it still hurts like hell and still sucks, it has gotten a little better. Hang in there, try to focus on things that make you happy and don't be afraid to ask for help getting through this.

If you need someone to talk to please email me, I've been down this road (actually still on it) and I know what your going through. Hang in there and my prayers are with you!!!
 
I feel for you, bro. I've been there too :( Some years ago, my (first) wife dumped me for my best friend (at least that's what I was thinking then, my best friend, almost like a little brother to me). I was desperatly in love with her and I could never even imagine something wrong about our marriage. Well, 4 days before Christmas she told me she's leaving. I was totally taken by surprise and that was a Christmas and a New Year's Eve I'll never forget, for sure. A few moths I was totally confuzed, my life was pointless and if devil himself would have come to ask me to trade my soul, I'd have given it for free :( I severely lost weight and shortly after that I was very ill, spent a couple of months in the hospitals, 4 perfusions each day... boy, that was close.
There are 4 years since she left. She is still with that guy, they both got fat (so I got my revenge after all :rolleyes: ) and still without children (a thing for which I sincerely pity her).
The bright side (yes, there is a bright side in this story) this made me rediscover God and I had a period af really amazing experiences. It is my intimate belief that God Himself conceived a couple of small miracles just for me :)
Meanwhile, I met a wonderful girl, and we have two beautiful boys. :) I discovered the Forum(s), entering the knifeworld was a thriling experience to me and I have a drawer with great knives (living in a country where the best knife to be found is a Chinese POS or a SAK if you are lucky, having a Spyderco or a Kershaw is an achievement), not to mention my own knife designs :).
They say a kick in the butt is a step forward. It will be hard like Hell, or worse. But you'll cope with it, I know. My prayers are towards you so your burden will be lighter.
 
REV, you're in my prairs too!
I really can't imagine the pain you must be feeling now.....I just know it must be enormous :-s.....I think some people here given you some good advice though.
Hope you're life will get better very very soon!
By the way....something I do know: loving someone doesn't make you a loser!!

Take care
 
Hang tough and drive on Rev. the only thing that will heal you is time.

Whatever you do, do NOT beg her to return.......................
 
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