Primate attacks.

kberg said:
This is true as far as chimps go. I wouldn't be surprised if other primates did the same, but I only know of chimps doing it. They will try to either bite/tear off genitals, and their fingernails are very thick and almost like knives.

I'm thinking you'd have to have a pretty accurate first stab/slash because you probably won't get too many attempts. It'd be a bad situation, that's for sure.
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They also removed his face and all his fingers.:eek:
 
You'd better have fast reflexes and a good gun. Chimps are incredibly strong and fast. My policy is to stay away from them.

I know someone who was the attending in the ER in Bakersfield when the victim of the 2006 attack came in. I gave him some grief about his paranoia about bears while we were on a backpacking trip last summer, but he told me that I hadn't seen what an animal can do to someone.
 
I like chimps, …roasted over an open fire.




"If you're not living on the edge, …you're taking up too much space."

Big Mike
 
I'd empty my sidearm into it's center of mass and pray it bled out soon.

For those who don't carry, I don't think you'd have a realistic strategy for survival--it would depend on luck and the primate's whims. I'd put my money on the chimp every time against even a trained man with a knife or stick.

Remember Poe's "Murders at the Rue Morgue"?
 
If, for whatever reason, you are short on firearms but do have a knife or 7 (okay, I only usually have 4... or 5....) what about aiming for the face?
 
If you were lucky enough to be carrying a torch at the time. I bet the crazed chimp would leave you alone.
 
Reading the responses, it would seem that a lot of people carry guns to their local zoo. I find that odd, if not downright illegal. :rolleyes:

If I was attacked by an ape (other than a Human) in the zoo, I would do my best to ensure others around me took off running. Not to sound like a hero, but I would rather have my old arse kicked than that of an entire young family. I'd have to play distraction while others escaped. And no, I am not saying I would lie down and die, I would try my best to fight, but I highly doubt it would be to any avail. In my prime I was a real titan, 6'3" and 247 of solid mass. Even then I doubt I could have fought off a Gorilla; I would have outrun it instead. Lesser apes, maybe. These days, I would get everyone away from the crazed ape, and if it really came down to it, hey, if he's going to bite and tear at my beans, he should know I am willing to bite and tear right back at his. Also, you can still fight with no beans, but it becomes rather difficualt with no eyes. While the ape is trying to focus on my privates, I'd be trying to ram my thumbs through his eye sockets and see the bulbs gush from his ears. Speaking of ears, I suppose you could always ram a lollypop stem or a candy stick into the ape's ear. I doubt he'd like it.
 
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I have a phobia of monkeys of any kind. If there is a monkey in the room I plan to strike first and catch it by surprise lest it get the jump on me and I'm not stopping until my arms are tired.

Insteresting side note, chimps are very similiar to humans. They understand rudimentary tools, war, emotions and even rape. They differ by the fact that an average male chimp is as strong as 10 humans and a female chimp weighing in at about 60lbs can drag almost a ton of dead weight. Read that somewhere.
 
Chimps cant swim very well. Go hang out with the penguins.

If you had a pocket knife you could probibly take a monkey with pretty good odds. They are very strong because of how they're muscles are placed, but because of this there limbs are slower moving then ours. They're probibly not aware of the knife being a threat either, so grapple and stab if your lucky. If your not it will have already ripped off you arm.

On a creepy note, Chimps are rather violent with each other. They have turf wars frequently and fight over mates. A chimp tactic is to run up a tree because it's easier to defend. But now some are starting to sharpen sticks and make spears so they can get the other monkeys out of the trees. By stabbing them. Gives you the chills, but could be worse. At least Dolphins dont have opposable thumbs. Yet.
 
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..I'd shove a small child, an elderly person, or another slower moving creature in its murderous rampaging path and head to the nearest bar to down a few shots and recount my days spent tromping thru the wild jungles of the Dark Continent fighting the wild savages and beasts..
 
I'd make a deal with it... my wife... for my safety... (10min with her... and he'll beg to be put down).

That or... act like I most likely would in any situation.. instantly let my anger take over the situation turn in super sayian and destroy everything in sight.

phelps-saiyan.gif
 
alberich said:
Why? :confused:
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He lives in Canada,the government doesn't allow them to carry handguns,just jack off. In America,for the time being, a number of states issue concealed carry permits. Citizens carrying firearms is not really that unusual.
 
I'd come at the ape like a spidermonkey...You know, Old-World style. Apes respect that sort of thing!

Either that or I'd slip into a sweet dance routine....Apes absolutely love coreography.
 
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The REAL Commander said:
Reading the responses, it would seem that a lot of people carry guns to their local zoo. I find that odd, if not downright illegal. :jerkit:
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I carry a gun pretty much everywhere I go, I don't know why a zoo would be any different. You don't? I find that odd, if not downright dangerous. Chris
 
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