Smoke needed

ferguson

ferguson

Joined
Feb 21, 2001
Messages
4,238
My son Stephen turned 18 last month. He's been having trouble with pot and pills for the last year. We've been supportive and have done what we could to get him help. But he doesn't want to change. I told him that he was welcome to live with us for as long as he wanted as long as he followed 3 rules.
1. Treat us with respect.
2. Clean his room and do a few (very minor) chores around the house.
3. No smoking or drugs in the house.

He made no effort to comply with any of the three. Today I went into his room to get something, and there was pot all over his desk, where he had been separating out the stems and seeds. So this afternoon, I told him that he had to find a place to live. He would be welcome to come by when we are home, to eat, shower, or visit. He's sitting outside with a bag packed, waiting for one of his friends to come by and pick him up.

It seems like only yesterday that we brought him home at 15 months old, to be our son. He is my step-daughter's boy by birth. Up until 2 years ago, you couldn't have asked for a nicer kid. I'm just heartbroken.

So if you could say a prayer or send up some smoke for him, it would be much appreciated. His birth mother straightened out and became a wonderful person. I hope that he will too.

Thank you,

Steve Ferguson
 
It can be heart-breaking to discover that you can only do so much to guide a child along the right path. The odds are good that, with help or from personal discovery, he will find his way.
 
Steve, I'm so sorry. Smoke and good thoughts. Smoke for all of you.
 
Prayers sent Steve.

For Stephen and your family too...

I'm so sorry for the pain your going through. I hope this is just a bump in his path that he'll grow stronger for having hit.

I hope one day you and he look back and laugh about this and he'll understand that you did it out of Love for him.

My girls are little now Steve, but some day I may need you to tell me the same things.

Prayers for all the children out there.
 
Similar happened with my son too Steve so I know your pain.:( Thankfully my son was a bit younger, 15, and I was able too put him in a place far away from home and everything else and got him straightened out.

Smoke and Song for you and your family...
 
Wilco and especially sorry to hear.

There is strength and will to overcome obstacles in every one of us; hoping he finds his right path, and soon.



Mike :(
 
Sending prayers your way from Rock Island. We had a similiar situation a few years ago. Hang in there. Toughest thing I think I ever had to do was tell a 16 year old to either acept the rules or get out. He chose the latter; at least for a while. Took a while for him to figure out that the people he thought were his friends weren't. Only been in the last year or so that things have started going back to "normal." Took about 5 years to get all this squared away, but he's showing more responsibility today than I thought he would ever. Finally figured out that old age & treachery will win out over youth & stupidity every time. He's working 2 jobs & going to school & decided that the only thing that means anything in this life is what you can do for somebody else. He's now got a house key & we see him pretty regular. Take it one day at a time. I got a lot of support from a couple of fellers I worked with who had been through the same. We'll keep you & your family in our thoughts & prayers.
 
Ferguson,

If it makes you feel any better, I think that you made the right decision. It's a very difficult choice to have to make, but sometimes it has to be done. I have a theory about young people and rebelliousness. It's always been my view that if the child is raised with a good strong foundation than, most of the time, they will find their way into a more balanced, healthy lifestyle. To some degree, I love rebelious children because I think they oftentimes have strong personalities and have the capacity to become future leaders. :) Let's face it, young people make all kinds of crazy mistakes. When I was young my family pretty much gave up on me because of my defiance. Ultimately, I came around, but I had to do it on my own terms. Somehow I managed to move from the position of family embarrassment/failure to the family hero. Shocking... LOL Perhaps, your son needs to do the same thing. And you know what, with you and your rules out of the way, he won't have much left to rebel against. The real world can be quite sobering.

Now, if he's addicted to the pills, then that may be more of a problem. But the reality is that he'll need to help himself either way. You cannot do this for him. But, if he comes to you seeking help, in terms of rehab (if he's addicted), then I'd be all for it. That's why I really like the way you handled it. I like the fact that you left the doors of communication open for him. When he comes home, you can be there to listen and counsel him. Then you can send him off on his merry, little way to develop more coping skills. :) Let him know how much you love him. But, don't be weak with him either. And never lower your expectations for him. Always hold that mirror up to his face so he can remember. There's no one else out there who will remind him of his potential. Don't be harsh about it, just nudge him. ;)

You seem to be doing everything just right. I will keep your family in my prayers. Best of luck to you.

My mother has this saying, it's one of my favorites: "It's not over until he's dead and in the ground." It's true. Your son is still in the very beginning of his life. Don't lose your faith. The fight is still on... :D

-Jennifer
 
Prayers for you from Pennsylvania.
Steve, my youngest daughter was in a similar place. No drugs, but just ran away to do whatever she wanted. No worries about anything, could not care less about anybody but herself.
It was horrible to let her go.
Now, two years later, she is walking slowly back to the right path. Not quite there yet, but at least she has asked for forgiveness and told me she wishes she had never done what she did.
I'm not saying it is the only way, or the best way, but what I did was take a strong stand for what I knew was right, and did not waver. It meant not seeing her for close to a year, only a few emails. But, the last time I saw her, a week ago, she told me thanks for what I did, that it probably saved her life. That was a good thing to hear.
Anyway, all that to say I understand where you are, and it is a hard place to be in. I would advise not to compromise what you know is right.
I don't know where you are at spiritually, but I found direction in the Bible, in the story of the man who had two sons, and one took his things and went away to live in a far country and do whatever he wanted. The father in that story never stopped the kid from going, and never went after him. He did look every day to see if the son was coming home, but he let him go as long as he was off on his own. Once the kid was on the way home, the father tripped over himself to welcome him, but by that time the son's attitude had changed already, and he was ready to be welcomed. If that story speaks to you, so be it. If not, I didn't mean to stuff the Bible down your throat.
All the best to you Steve.
 
Damn. OK. Whatever you want, ask. Smoke? no problem. Prayers? I'm out of practice, but you got 'em.

Maybe, just maybe, he'll come to be the man his dad is.

THAT would be somethin'.
 
Steve I am going to light a candle and think positive thoughts as soon as I am done with this .

Would you mind if I say that I think that communication is crucial in a matter such as this ? Keep the lines open buddy . I know overloading on drugs is not an answer . There is still a human being in there . You never know when he will want to share something with you .

Lots of people have outgrown over-use . Try and have it that you would like to visit often .

I,m lighting that candle now .
 
Kismet said:
Damn. OK. Whatever you want, ask. Smoke? no problem. Prayers? I'm out of practice, but you got 'em.

Maybe, just maybe, he'll come to be the man his dad is.

THAT would be somethin'.
Click to expand...

I can't add anything. Kis said it all.

We are pulling for you both. Him to get clean and Steve to find peace.

Had similar problems with my kids. One still lives in his mother's basement and still smokes pot and God knows what else.

He is 38.
 
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