***Tall Tales II***

Dont have any tall tales but I can entrust to you gents the legend of the inch-thick khukuri

***

It started innocently enough, from an email from Uncle Bill Martino to Geldu on special orders for the next batch of khukuris soon to be headed the long way to Reno, Nevada. As usual, Gelbu translated the instructions to the kamis around the forging area, sipping tea.

"What is headboy saying about the last one?"

"Search me, pardner. Somebody seems to want a fat khukuri"

"How fat?"

"Dunno, the measurements aint clear, let's just make a fat one, okay?"

"Okay, genius how fat is fat? twice as thick? three times?"

"Methinks those boys been readin too many Strider catalogues"

"Yeah, next time they'll be asking us to make them a khukuri outa stainless steel, maybe some of that S30V steel"

<laughs>

"You gonna have a coronary failure climbing high enough up those mountains to find snow to freeze treat the thing"

<more laughs>

"How about we just put an edge of the side of that chunk of steel plate you got from that scrapped Indian Army Arjun main battle tank and bend it a little?"

"These Americans must be giants"

There are more chuckles as the kamis hunt through the pile of steel scrap for the piece of MBT frontal armor plate.

"Well, ok, it's thick enough to stop a HEAT anti-tank missile, so they cant complain it aint thick enough"

"OK then, wise arse, how the heck are we gonna forge the durned thing? Look around, do you see any plasma cutters, power hammers or any sorta heavy-duty equipment you read about in Blade?"

The kamis look around, and at each other.

"I've got arthritis, and this will make my joints ache for a month," chimes one.

"Not me, buddy. The wife wants some attention, and I gotta be in top shape this week," retorts another.

"Count me out. It would take me a month just to flatten that thrice-blessed chunk of steel."

At this point Gelbu's voice of reason pierces the silence.

"Well, we could ask HIM"

"Nah, he always wants payment in fermented yak's milk. The last time when those Americans wanted THAT khukuri with a 3/4" spine, it took 4 days carrying that foul-smelling stuff to his place. My wife didnt want me to come near her for a week."

After much spirited discussion (censored for the sake of the audience) the kamis agree that they would take the chunk of steel to the Nepali equivalent of a 2-ton Power Hammer, hidden away in a secret workshop high on the towering peaks of the Himalayas.


"So esteemed Uncle Snowman, are we in agreement? 20 liters of fermented yak milk for a khukuri with a 1" spine"

"Yah, okay. But these Americans are crazy. Who the heck would be able to swing this prybar? Godzilla? Last I heard he retired from active squashing of cities. By the way, what kind of handle material you want on this knife?"

"Your wife dropped her horns yet?"

"Yah, but Bura took this year's batch for his special projects"

"Uncle Bill is telling them it's spotted deer horn"

<chuckles>


A week later, the kamis crowd around the carefully wrapped khukuri carried down the perilous slopes to the Himalayan Imports workshop.

"Still think he shoulda used micarta on it" chimes Kumar

"Will you stop it with your micarta? First it is the skinny khukuri, the whatever-you-called-it, then its this silly 'micarta' thing" admonishes Bura.

"Hey, they like it over there. You know, my micarta idea will work. See, you get old rags, layer and stick them up with laha then get your number two wife to sleep on it for a night"

"I warned you about making comments about my number two wife. She is sensitive about her weight. By the way, I heard from your wife the other day your other 'Kobra' is skinny too.."

<Laughs>

"What are those markings on the blade?"

"Hey, headboy, come over here and read this will ya?" barks Bura

Gelbu peers over the marks made by Nepal's most reclusive smith.

"Seems to say the equivalent of M.S."

"Oh that, esteemed Uncle Snowman did say he wanted to take his ABS mastersmith test during his last trip the States. He must have passed, then"

"The papparazzi didnt have a field day?"

"Nah, apparently many of the mastersmiths are large and hairy too, so with some careful dressing, he didnt stand out"

<laughs>

"No wonder his price went up from 12 to 20 liters of fermented yak's milk"

"I hope whoever wanted this monster is happy with it. I am not carrying another 20 liters of that foul-smelling milk all the way up to esteemed Uncle Snowman's forge for another year"
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top