this test has been monitored by the homeland security service. all deranged gun abusers who have scored over 80% in any category have been selected for special action. your ffl's and firearms purchase documents have been correlated and passed to our thought police who will be calling on you tonight at an appropriate time after midnight. any closed exterior doors will be blown open without warning. please have all your guns, ammunition, spare parts, any knives with a blade over 1 inch, and any conceivable object that may be used as an offensive weapon, such as table legs, bats, candlesticks, etc. in an easily transportable pile in your living room so that confiscation may proceed smoothly. please be advised that under current legislation, any object previously considered of a defensive nature such as body armour, gloves, garbage can lids, is now classified as offensive for convenience of this office. anyone within 10 feet of an offensive weapon, as deemed by the agency, over the age of 3 years may be shot without warning at the discression of the confiscating agency. a reciept will not be given as the items will be immediately destroyed in your presence along with your house and as there is no avenue of appeal. please have one change of clothes for all occupants. sleeping bags and other non-offesive items will be searched and items may be confiscated at our discression. you will be moved along with any surviving family members to a holding area outside your immediate area for eventual trial and disposal. have a nice day.
this message brought to you by your homeland security service - defending your constitutional rights and maintaining the american way since 2001
should you have any questions or comments please feel free to call our toll-free help line in qatar, arab emirates, where our helpful port security specialists will be happy to assist you. please be ready to speak arabic to them as they do not as yet speak english.
edited by the homelande SS:
we have just arrested the deranged knife knut 'kronckew' who posted this item in violation of federal laws pertaining to the release of information deemed likely to embarras der heimlande SS, and ve are prosezzing der list of members who have read or are reading this in order to include zem in tonights special action directive.