The knife confiscating witch.

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I know that nowadays its really verboten for a kid to have a pocket knife in school, but in my day it was not a frowned on thing. Expert if you ran across Mrs. Jacobs.

The she demon posing as a teacher at my grade school seemed to have a real talent for sniffing out pocket knives to confiscate. Not that they were against the rules, but it seemed a personal crusade to deprive as many young boys of their pocket knives as passable. When protests were made on the basis of them not being a forbidden item, Mrs.Jacobs would tell the principle that the boy in question was doing something he shouldn't have been, or some other reason that was not true. She would out and out lie. Of course the principle would have to side with the teacher. This situation set in motion a chain of events that would result in the great Glen Haven commando raid.

Knowing there was an evil anti-knife person in our school, we kept our pocket knives deep in our pockets, and out of view of Mrs. Jacobs. Then Dave Tate got his knife taken away.

It was an innocent mistake. Out at recess, Dave's sneaker lace broke. Trying it back together he had the problem that it had already broke twice before and was knotted together in a couple of places and was really shot. Dave had the bright idea that since he was wearing high top Keds, he would take the good one from the other shoe, cut it in half and use each half to lace each sneaker as a low top till he got home. All was going well till he cut the long unknoted lace in two. Out of nowhere like a vampire out of a dark foggy night, Mrs. Jacobs was there, coming around a corner of the building. With a harsh cry of victory, she swooped down on Dave and confiscated his knife. Protests did no good, and Dave was out a nice Barlow. Even his dad called the school and inquired, and was told by the witch that Dave had pulled his knife out on the playground for no just cause. That afternoon the first seeds of the plot began to take shape.

We began to watch, plan, measure distances from the side of the school to the woods. We'd take innocent walks around the school to survey what windows were out of sight of the road. No group of conspirators were as dedicated to their task. We were going to get Dave's knife back. The witch had lied and hurt one of our own. It was Jihad.

It was known that Mrs. Jacobs put the sized items in a staple box in her desk drawer. To get to her desk we had to get into the school when she was not there. We decided to strike very early on a Saturday morning. There would be nobody about, except the school handyman, Mr. Harris. We'd take our bikes as far as the woods, and leave them stashed in the bushes and go in on foot. We staged ourselves at the jump off point and had a final briefing. It was Dave, Ev, Bobby Ryerson, and myself. It was agreed on that if anyone got caught, they were to be left behind, and no matter what, not talk on pain of death. We took an oath on it.

The window in question was in an alcove out of sight behind some bushes. We set out one by one at two minute intervals, and when we would get to the point of walking by the alcove we'd just hang a right into the bushes. Finally we were all there. The window in question was just high enough that a boast was needed. The latch was easily pried open with the screwdriver blade of a TL-29, (security in those days was not what it was today) and since Ev was the biggest kid, he gave us a boast up. Dave went first since it was his mission, then Bobby, then me. Ev was going to stay out as lookout. He had a little metal whistle and would give us a warning if someone was coming. As a last precaution, we put on bandannas over our faces western bad guy style. We went in.

It was really loud in the deserted school, and I wondered what the pounding noise was. It was my heart. I wondered if Dave or Bobby was hearing it too. We crept down the hallway, and after a long mile, or what seemed like it, we got to the door of the witches lair. The school still seemed to be deserted and silent but for the pounding heartbeat. Our luck was still good, the door was unlocked.

Bobby was left at the door to keep lookout and Dave and I went into the classroom. It was almost a surreal experience being in Mrs. Jacobs class early on a Saturday morning by ourselves. Such was her malignant aura that we could feel the evil as we slowly approached THE desk. We opened the drawer and there was the brown cardboard staple box. Dave opened it and gasped. I looked to see what startled him and my breath was taken from me.

The box was full of knives.

All kinds of knives.

There must have been the knives of generations of schoolboys in the box. Barlow knives, two blade jacks, stockmen, pen knives.

Just then the crack of doom sounded. A door slammed.

Bobby was whispering franticly from the door.

"We gotta get outa here! Its Mr. Harris!"

"Is he coming this Way?" Dave asked.

"Oh yeah!"

There was no time to have Dave root through the box looking for his Barlow. With doom closing on us we had to abort and run. But Dave had other ideas. Dave grabbed the whole box after closing the lid. We bolted from the room.

"HEY, YOU KIDS, HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!" Mr. Harris shouted down the long corridor at us.

We ran like the devil was after us. Seconds ahead of the handyman we made it to the storeroom where we had opened the window, and scraping ourselves in our hurry we bailed out of the window.

Expert for Bobby Ryerson.

Mr. Harris had grabbed Bobby by the legs as he wiggled out last, and had that end of him as we grabbed him by the arms to keep him from being pulled back in. Me, Dave, and Ev had Bobby by the arms and shoulders and pulled with everything we had. Bobby helped by kicking and thrashing the best he could. With a sudden surge Bobby came flying out into us, and we took off running back to the woods where our bikes were stashed. Dave tossed the staple box of pocket knives into the front basket on his bike and we rode like outlaws with the law after us. We still had the bandannas over our faces as we pushed the envelope on how fast a Shwinn bike could be peddled.

We held up in the woods by our houses to take stock. Dave spilled out the knives on a bandanna and we looked in awe. The witch must have been at it for years. Handfuls of knives. Dave found his and put it back in his pocket.

"What are we gonna do with all them?" Ev asked.

"We're going to try to find their owners." Dave declared.

It seemed an imposable task, but we slowly for the rest of the school year quietly asked if anyone knew who else had knives taken away by the witch. We actually found a few, and when they described the knife, we went through the box and found one that matched the description. Without fail, the owners were both overjoyed by getting their knife back, and curious as to how we got it. Those knives we couldn't find the owners, we tried to find worthy owners for them. The scout troop was just then being formed at the local church, and Bobby had the idea of giving knives to the younger kids who didn't have a knife yet. In time all the knives went to a worthy scout recruit.

Of course the witch yelled bloody murder, and the principle interrogated the usual suspects, but no culprit was ever found. We went on with our lives knowing we had foiled an evil crone, and kept our pocket knives deep down in our pockets.
 
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Another great story. I feel a bit sorry for poor Bobby, he always seemed to get the worst of it didn't he?
 
What a flash back!

At our school it was Mr. Stephens who had the drawer full of confiscated pocket knives.

He always was a jerk!
 
Of course the princible would have to side with the teacher.

Boy how times have changed! Nowadys, the administrators will typically side with the kid or parents and throw the teachers under the bus without a second thought for fear of "bad P.R."

In the school where I teach, the farm kids all have knives, some of them carry openly.
 
Justice For All!!:thumbup::thumbup:

It was one of America's Founding Principles!!;);)
 
Great story thanks for tellin it!
Maybe she just secretly like knives...
Great job getting them back.
 
Another great story. I feel a bit sorry for poor Bobby, he always seemed to get the worst of it didn't he?

He was always the last guy in the line, but for all that he had alot of heart, and would do his best to go the whole way over the hill with us.

Could'nt ask more of any man.:thumbup:
 
Did Mr Harris ever rat you guys out? He had to know who took the staple box full of knives.

Jackknife repeatedly spurs my childhood and adolescent memory, and this story brought one back that I feel compelled to share. I'll never be able to tell a story like Jacknife does, but it was funny enough to me to try and tell it.

We had an 8th grade electronics shop teacher, Mr. Hoskins, who similarly confiscated treasures owned by boys, especially gum and candy. It also included things like rubber bands, pocket knives, or anything else Charles Hoskins deemed contraband. Basically anything fun. He had a drawer in his locked office, which allegedly held years worth of confiscated items. I recall no attempts of recovery though.

He was known to all of his students for decades at Mayberry Junior High in Wichita, KS as "Bubble Lips". He was an absolute dork of a shop teacher, and an easy target for name calling and ridicule. I recall three practical jokes he was the recipient of during my semester, and this was my favorite.

It happened circa 1968, after some type of unfair confiscation. Lance Sparks staged a ambush, somewhat of a conspiracy, as several of us were asked to stand at the teachers desk to block Mr. Hoskins view. With Bruce Stairs and Lonnie Johnson acting as sentry when the coast was clear, Lance, a deadly southpaw, launched a sandwich bag full of sawdust gathered from inside the housing of a wood shop band saw. The throw was at least 35 or 40 feet, and it was a dead strike. The bag exploded on a concrete beam about 10 feet directly above Bubble Lips head, and it's contents landed all over him and his desk. His hair was slick black and probably groomed with something like Brylcreem or Vitalis. This was late 60's, so that kind of hair dressing was clearly old school to us boys. The sawdust stuck in his hair as if landing on flypaper. All Hoskins could do was try to brush the sawdust out of his hair with a shop brush and this invoked a serious round of hooting from the students. His face beet red with rage, Hoskins yelled at the top of his lungs for the Vice Principal, Mr. Smith, the known disciplinarian.

We had to sit at our shop desks for about an hour (missing lunch period), while Mr. Smith and Mr. Hoskins passed out secret ballots until someone submitted the name of the sawdust culprit. Finally, after about 10 rounds of balloting, after repeated threats, some of which involved our "permanent record", Ross Clithero broke down and called out Lance Sparks, who was promptly escorted to the office and expelled for three days.

Ross Clithero was the victim of some serious revenge a few weeks later, when his lunch banana was injected with toilet water, after several boys had relieved themselves in the shop bathroom.

To my knowledge, even as late as the late 60's, I don't recall a pocket knife was any kind of an issue in school, as long as it wasn't used in a threatening manner. Except in the case of those teachers like Mrs. Jacobs or Mr. Hoskins. Every school had one.
 
I have to ask, after that incident, did anyone take care of the knife witch in the traditional manner?

After all, pouring water on her wouldn't have mattered, since all those fine carbon steel knives were no longer in her possession.....:D
 
Basic mentality of these people. They confiscated terrible weapons, but kept them within easy access in their desks :D.
 
Just a great story. It was easy for me to put myself in your shoes (as a kid with my other friends) feeling the tension build during this "criminal escapade" :D.

Next time you see those guys, give 'em a "well done" from us. ;)
 
Great story, as usual.

Kinda reminded me of when I was in Tech School in the Air Force many years back. They would have occasional spot inspections of the barracks, and I, not knowing any better, had already accumulated a nice pile of knives from the local area pawn shops since beginning my school. What I also did not know was that knives were not really "allowed", so I had them all confiscated by the senior NCO of our unit.

He called me into his office the next day, and asked what I was doing with them. I explained that I enjoyed knives, and liked to collect them, etc.

I guess he decided that I was not an axe murderer, so we looked at them for a while, and he talked about some of his favorite patterns when he was younger. Turns out he was a knife nut too! He did give them back to me then, but warned me to keep them well hidden, as other NCOs might not be as forgiving as him. I found interesting places to keep them, like the battery compartment of my radio. I still have those knives today, over 20 years later.

You know, up until then, I thought he was a pretty hard heart, but after that incident, I looked at him a little differently, and was pretty sure I respected him more from then on.

Thanks for bringing back a memory.

Glenn
 
I love stories were the good guys win in the end.

Mrs. Jacobs must of had a lot of children and grand children that turned out to be just like her, and now were stuck with them. You should have dumped a bucket of water on her and saved many generations the heartache.

Another great story, thank you.
 
man, i hated elementary school :mad:

great story other than reminding me of that :D
 
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