I think it was 1995 and in Idaho Falls when we got the little Schweiger sofa and loveseat combo on sale for a about a thousand bucks. I think we drove to Pocatello to get it.
There was a sofa in the store well above it, in heaven, that cost three times as much. I kinda wanted it, I mean, even the cushions had springs in them, and you could tell it was well built. The saleman and store owner was a grizzled old bird, an sofa man from way back, and he strongly reccomended the elite set, last a lifetime.
"Well, what's wrong with the Schweiger, isn't it pretty good?"
"It is," he agreed, "and that's a good price on it. But years after it no longer is satisfactory, the Fairborne will remain a peice to treasure."
Our Schweiger is 'no longer satisfactory'. For one thing, my wife is or at least used to be nostalgic for the 'old timey elegant look'. So picking out a light white paisley covering wasn't a problem to her eye, but rang some inner content of tea sets and domesticity only her God and her could communicate about. The rest of knew the thing would be stained in 3 hours flat.
And with babies running about, that is what happened. Our little Schweiger soon was the color of mud. Have a seat- really- it's a Schweiger. My wife had the idea that dirt fell off when it was specially treated at the factory. They tried to no avail to sell us the 'special coating' for about 500 bucks if I recall. No thanks. 3 days later we got a phone call from the store and they said the factory had already installed the coating- imagine that. Doesn't really matter, if few are willing to place moist towel and light soap against the surface of the material the mud and grime is not going to jump off out of self sacrafise for the well being of the Home. No, dirt sits. My wife complained frequently about what a gyp that coating was. I showed her several times with a wash rag what needed to be done but that took years to set in, and by the time the idea had come across, the two sofas were permanently mud stained.
I saw at the store the love seat was just perfect for a head on the arm rest at one end, and my feet up on the other. This didn't help, and somewhere along the way, we lost the seat covers. We could have left it in cellophane the way many do- and brush your trousers there boy, before you set on that chair. But we preferred a more relaxed livingroom. Ours was too. Babies peed, food spilled, noses were wiped when they knew Dad wasn't looking, and the two sofas just got worse.
Keithy finally killed the love seat. You could make love on it, I guess, a kind of raw trailer trash love, but really, the dipsy dumpster would only be a little dirtier. You could tell the Schweiger's were going down fast when fewer and fewer of our infrequent guests found it neccesary to sit on them. I know my lawyer and his wife would not. Me and the kids and Charlie Bear still would, but then, we were kind of all of us kids. My back has taken a bad bend to it in these last years- too much time pressed into the cushions and not enough out of doors.
A couch citizen. A real Schweiger man.
Keith fell asleep on it a couple weeks ago. That was OK, but he peed. That was OK, but he pooped too, and the pee mixed with the poop, and all that goodness sort of seeped into the cushion. I only found out two hours later, when he awoke and I realized I should change him. I'm not very quick. He looked so peacefull, too.
I tried scrubbing it, and have you noticed, by the way, that Simple Green cleaning fluid smells kind of like a poop pee couch? Oh, I don't mean it smells bad, but it smells about like what you'd come up with if you thought you could mask the reek of a poop pee couch, and let me tell you, you cannot.
Well, I could have had the Fairbane, Fairhorne, Fairmarket or whatever it was called. I remember I told Mom about it.
"It would last for years I said.
"I can't think of any seat covering I want to last for years," She said.
Very wise and true, my Mom.
"Let's take it outside and let the Coon's pee on it." I announced to the kids.
"Yeah," Carter laughed, 'the Coons and Porcupines and cats and dogs..."
Probably even the chipmunks...." I said. We all laughed pretty hard.
"We could put it downtown, in the town square."
"Or next to the Jail."
"Or, we could get it on top of the mountain behind our house." The boys looked at me. "The Cougars would piss on it then."
They would too. Be a natural landmark, and any carnivore is bound to resent the smell of our Schweiger- a kind of personal insult. Only Keithy sits tranquil on it now. What smell? He says.
Well, it's his now.
munk
There was a sofa in the store well above it, in heaven, that cost three times as much. I kinda wanted it, I mean, even the cushions had springs in them, and you could tell it was well built. The saleman and store owner was a grizzled old bird, an sofa man from way back, and he strongly reccomended the elite set, last a lifetime.
"Well, what's wrong with the Schweiger, isn't it pretty good?"
"It is," he agreed, "and that's a good price on it. But years after it no longer is satisfactory, the Fairborne will remain a peice to treasure."
Our Schweiger is 'no longer satisfactory'. For one thing, my wife is or at least used to be nostalgic for the 'old timey elegant look'. So picking out a light white paisley covering wasn't a problem to her eye, but rang some inner content of tea sets and domesticity only her God and her could communicate about. The rest of knew the thing would be stained in 3 hours flat.
And with babies running about, that is what happened. Our little Schweiger soon was the color of mud. Have a seat- really- it's a Schweiger. My wife had the idea that dirt fell off when it was specially treated at the factory. They tried to no avail to sell us the 'special coating' for about 500 bucks if I recall. No thanks. 3 days later we got a phone call from the store and they said the factory had already installed the coating- imagine that. Doesn't really matter, if few are willing to place moist towel and light soap against the surface of the material the mud and grime is not going to jump off out of self sacrafise for the well being of the Home. No, dirt sits. My wife complained frequently about what a gyp that coating was. I showed her several times with a wash rag what needed to be done but that took years to set in, and by the time the idea had come across, the two sofas were permanently mud stained.
I saw at the store the love seat was just perfect for a head on the arm rest at one end, and my feet up on the other. This didn't help, and somewhere along the way, we lost the seat covers. We could have left it in cellophane the way many do- and brush your trousers there boy, before you set on that chair. But we preferred a more relaxed livingroom. Ours was too. Babies peed, food spilled, noses were wiped when they knew Dad wasn't looking, and the two sofas just got worse.
Keithy finally killed the love seat. You could make love on it, I guess, a kind of raw trailer trash love, but really, the dipsy dumpster would only be a little dirtier. You could tell the Schweiger's were going down fast when fewer and fewer of our infrequent guests found it neccesary to sit on them. I know my lawyer and his wife would not. Me and the kids and Charlie Bear still would, but then, we were kind of all of us kids. My back has taken a bad bend to it in these last years- too much time pressed into the cushions and not enough out of doors.
A couch citizen. A real Schweiger man.
Keith fell asleep on it a couple weeks ago. That was OK, but he peed. That was OK, but he pooped too, and the pee mixed with the poop, and all that goodness sort of seeped into the cushion. I only found out two hours later, when he awoke and I realized I should change him. I'm not very quick. He looked so peacefull, too.
I tried scrubbing it, and have you noticed, by the way, that Simple Green cleaning fluid smells kind of like a poop pee couch? Oh, I don't mean it smells bad, but it smells about like what you'd come up with if you thought you could mask the reek of a poop pee couch, and let me tell you, you cannot.
Well, I could have had the Fairbane, Fairhorne, Fairmarket or whatever it was called. I remember I told Mom about it.
"It would last for years I said.
"I can't think of any seat covering I want to last for years," She said.
Very wise and true, my Mom.
"Let's take it outside and let the Coon's pee on it." I announced to the kids.
"Yeah," Carter laughed, 'the Coons and Porcupines and cats and dogs..."
Probably even the chipmunks...." I said. We all laughed pretty hard.
"We could put it downtown, in the town square."
"Or next to the Jail."
"Or, we could get it on top of the mountain behind our house." The boys looked at me. "The Cougars would piss on it then."
They would too. Be a natural landmark, and any carnivore is bound to resent the smell of our Schweiger- a kind of personal insult. Only Keithy sits tranquil on it now. What smell? He says.
Well, it's his now.
munk
