What do you use on the Loo ???

P

pgunning1

Joined
Oct 25, 2005
Messages
31
Ok guys,

Quick question for you, I don't know if its been asked before especially on a blade forum, but here goes :o

If in the outback ( I live in the UK - not much outback there, but bare with me LOL ) and you need to go for a crap, what plants / leaves are the best for wiping your arse ?? (there got it out) I have yet to see a dvd or book that deals with cleaning yourself up.

If the answer is don't bother, you'll have very few friends :barf: are things like dock leaves better than others, or have I missed some vital or obvious answer to this ?? theres only so much loo roll you can carry :)

Any info would be great on this subject, after all it effects us all :o

Cheers
Paul
 
I'm beyond wiping my butt with leaves. I carry a travel roll or TP or a small flat pack of wet wipes. Depending on where I am I carry the paper out or bury it. Besides when I have to go I have to go and the "proper" leaves may not be there.
 
Read "How to Shit in the Woods" by Kathleen Meyer. It is a comprehensive guide towards solving your question.
 
Thanks guys the links provided a good few laughs (especially using a drunk mates fingers LoL ) someone commented on using damp moss or big leaves ?? a few mentioned Dock leaves of course.

Short term yes of course TP but if out for 2-3 weeks it may not last, and mistakes can be costly (poison ivy come to mind) I just find it hard to believe that such a function hasn't go an obviuos answer to it.

What do the Africans use out on the Plains for days, or Aboriginies do they all carry a cloth for the job ? So I guess I'll be looking at dock leaves in a different way from now on if its the only answer.

Cheers
 
So any type of leaves so long as you stack em 3 high ;-) now were getting somewhere !

What about oak or birch or conker tree leaves will they leave a nasty itch ???
 
I carry TP with me ever since that time when I was a kid that I learned that not all butt whiping leaves are created equal. Some give you a little payback for crapping on them. I would suggest doing the same.
 
Length of knotted rope
meh8jsdj38qk5.gif
 
Guess that what your ass is gonna look like after a few weeks living off worms beetles and fruit :barf: and no TP or Leaves LoL
 
So
I'm at my house in Colorado in Febuary last year
I keep the water shut off during the winter to prevent pipes from freezing
It got my house up to a toasty 63 degrees with the heaters full blast
The garage was 18 degrees
Outside it was -1 degree!!!:eek:
(Remember, I live in Santa Barbara where the record low is 20 degrees..And people start talking about a heat wave when it hits 82 degrees!!)
Trent prefers his outside temp at 78 degrees with a light breeze :thumbup:

I was taking pisses outside
I'm a pretty big guy and I can go quite a while with out taking a dump if need be
I held off for a couple days
I go into town and buy a chile verde burrito
I chow it down
"Damn...I REALLY got to take a dump now", I think to myself
So I have a few Marlboro Lights to ponder the big decision
"I got it!!! My cousin has an outhouse next door!!!"
(He lives in my grandmas old house)
The outhouse is really a prefabricated, aluminium shed converted into an outhouse
It's actually very furtive
Know one would know it's an outhouse
It just looks like an old shed

I put on my jacket, my official Oakland A's beanie, my $2.99 liquor store, black, cotton gloves gloves and snow boots
I walk through the snow
I hop the fence
I continue walking about 30 yards in the snow, wind ,and sub zero weather
I get to the the outhouse and am ready to take care of business====>
"What the f@#K!!!!??? There is a PADLOCK on it!!? What retard puts a PADLOCK on an outhouse!!!?? What are they afraid of being stolen!!??"
I pumped my fists in the air and curse my cousin out loud
"For the love of GOD!! Why cousin Mike? Why???!!!!"

So I had to take a dump outside in subzero weather
I took it under my cottonwood tree
I figured it would be good fertilizer
That is the only time have I taken a dump in sub-zero weather
Hopefully the last
I felt like Grizzly Adams man...;)

The next time I talk to my cousin I ask him "what's up with the lock on the outhouse primo?? You worried someone gonna steal your sh1+??!!"
I told him my story
He laughed but didn't really have an explanation for the lock
A few days later I get a letter
It's the keys to the locks that my cousin sent kindly sent me......... :eek:

*********************************************************
Modern Marvels had an hour long episode on the toilet
(It must have been sweeps month I guess?)
They talked about people in the early 1900's used the Sears catalog for TP
They we're all up in arms/pissed when they changed to COLOR paper

They said that in the old days people used a cooked a corn cob
It was a luxury
Hehehehhe

They also said that 2/3 of the world's population uses THEIR HAND :barf:
No there is some food for thought...............
 
Depending on the time of the year, oak,hickory,sycamore, and wild grape leaves work well. Moss falls apart, i have used grass, tear off a handfull and twist it.
Or you could take a lesson from man's best bud and drag your butt in the grass like a dog.
 
Rocks and pine cones. If you're planning a hike in the Rocky Mountains or desert, forget about leaves - you won't find any.
 
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