What's the stupidest way to test how sharp your blade is?

I'd go with trying to circumcise yourself.


Live Free or Die

Or trying to shave the side of your neck, right near that pretty blue line...

I like my women like I like my knives: strong, sharp, well-formed and pattern-welded!
Slicing the corns on your toes then realizing your knife was a lot sharper than you thought. You end up slicing deeper than you had anticipated and draw blood.

Chopping at a hair you're holding horizontal by your left thumb and forefinger and trimming off the last .032 inch of both digits. (It worked all the other times!)
Someone here mentioned once that they attempted to test the sharpness of their blade on...um...the coarsest hair on their wife's body. Knowing my fiance, I think i would rather try and circumcise myself, it is probably safer...

The first test I perform is to try and chop off my arm with one swing. The only downside of this test is if your knife is sharp enough you can only use this test once. If I am not satisfied with the results, Then I usually go with the penetrate your chest cavity and enter your heart test(not recommended for the NOVICE blade handler). Is this dumb enough for you??


Louis Buccellato

If it's a folder:
Try to whittle your shin while swinging upside down from a ceiling fan. Please note: the knife must be closed for this test to work-- a truly sharp blade will cut regardless of whether or not it-- the blade-- is actually doing the cutting.

If it's a fixed blade:
Break the knife blade off. Hollow out a blade-sized groove in the handle. Attach the blade to the handle with a rubber-band, like a folding knife. Use the above test.

Inane, anyone?

I have found stabbing the blade into the center of your eye to be best. If indeed the knife is sharp enough pain will be minimal. The only downside to this method is after the first time you have gone blind in one eye then blind in the other for the second test,now for all the other tests you have to be careful not to drive the blade into your forhead.
Okay, the question was[\i] what is the stupidest way to test blade sharpness?

I think it should be rephrased to be what is the stupidest way you have actually seen [\i]someone test blade sharpness.

For the original question:
"Trying to outchop the Bubba's Battle Mistress with your Mad Dog on that bungee cord...just after you jump."

For the revised question:
I have seen someone lick a blade and cut their tongue. But stupider still was a guy who tried to teach himself sword swallowing ...starting with a Bowie Knife! I guess he figured the shorter blade would be easier... Fortunately enough his test concluded that the knife was sharp, but far from really sharp because he lived...

Dances with lemmings

Shave the under-belly fur off a cat. I hope James Mattis would try this, then get his cat to sit on the scanner, then scan his forearm. All God's creatures have knives . . . (some more than others).

TheMartialWay, you can conduct the "hack your arm off" test numerous times IF you start near the wrist and merely work your way up. Naturally, once you hit clavicle, the test is definitely over.

About the easiest way to see how sharp a knife is to let me play with it for a while. The length of time it takes to draw blood, when multiplied by the number of band-aids or stitches needed give a sharpness indication number. It's pretty scientific.


Is that thing shar...OW!
obviously you guys havent cut yourselves nearly enough times to be making all these stupid jokes.....i find the stupidest way is the way i did it today......theres always room for another mistake....by the way.. the most dangerous tool in your shop is the one you respect the least.....age old saying from way out in the middle of the pacific..


To test to see how sharp a knife is, lick it.
(the edge, of course)


[This message has been edited by Sandra D. (edited 06 July 1999).]
In a less facetious vein, it alwys gives me shivers to see somebody run their thumb pad own the edge to see if a knive is sharp.
I remember one time I tested how sharp a knife was by cutting a cardboard box to shreds. Wasn't to sharp after that

Hey, its not quite as stupid as some of the sfutt mentioned here, but it actually happened
(And should I do this test again I'll still have 2 arms after I'm done


Self improvement is a hobby of mine :).

Self circumcision? Reminds me of an old drinking song;

"*what do you do with a drunken sailor?

*shave his dong with a rusty razor"

Speaking of circumcision, if you're ever in Orlando, go to the Ripley's Believe It OR Not Museum, they have the preserved foreskin of a sperm whale hanging from a wall in their lobby.

Or is nobody really intrested in that sort of thing? Yeah, forget I mentioned it. Please.
Try shaving the hair off your jugular with a Bowie knife at a 5(****, can't find the "degree" button!) degree angle.

BTW, no, my jugular doesn't have hair on it!!!(at least not since I tested my sbt axis for sharpness)

"All of our knives open with one hand, in case you're busy with the other"