What's your favourite Homer Simpson-ism?

S

StuToffee

Joined
Feb 3, 2005
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So, whats your favourite quote by one of my heroes, Homer Simpson?
Here are afew of mine:-

"Shut up brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!"

(To the aliens) "Dont eat me! I have a family, Eat THEM!"

(To the family at the dinner table) "Thats it, you people have held me back long enough, I'M going to clown college!"

(alone when the family are at church) "I'm whizzing with the door open & I LOVE it!"

(phoning from Moes tavern) "Marge, send the kids to the neighbours, I'm coming home loaded!"

And my favourite:-
(To Lisa on the subject of Ghosts) "Oh Lisa, there's no ghosts, they're just make believe, like fairies, elves & ESKIMOS!"

What a guy!
 
"Marge-just because I don't listen to your problems doesn't mean I don't care about them"

"Why God? Why is my life so hard!?!" (when he can't get his gas grill put together)
 
"Oooh, he card read good" -When Bart auditions to be Mr. Burns' heir

"I hope I didn't brain my damage" -Chili cookoff episode
 
Oh, I forgot another favorite. This was the one where Homer joined a Cult and finally snapped out of it.

"I thought there was something missing from my life. . . . And then I realized that beer was there all along."
 
Lisa: Dad whats a muppet?
Homer: Well its not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but maann (laughter), So to answer your question i don't know
 
My favorite, a halloween episode where Homer is blasting away zombies with a shotgun. Bart says, "Way to go Homer, you just shot the Zombie Flanders!" Homer replies, "He was a zombie?"

Mmmm... Beer.
 
Homer: "I'll have a bowl"

Vendor: "No bowl, only stick"

Cut to Homer licking stick clean

Homer: "Now I need something to wash that aweful taste out of my mouth. You got a Pepsi?"

Vendor: "No Pepsi. Only Mountain Dew and Crab Juice"

Homer: "Eww! I'll have a Crab Juice"
 
Homer: So you're not going to eat any meat ever again?

Lisa: No.

What about pork?

No.

What about ham?

No!

What about bacon??

Dad, those all come from the same animal!!

Oh, riiight. Some wonderful, magical animal.
 
"To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!"

"Larry Flint is right! (referring to Stephen Hawking), you guys stink!"

"No beer and no TV make Homer go crazy!"

"Colonel Klink! Why have you forsaken me!"

"Flanders! You're the devil?" (Devil Flanders: "It's always the one you leaset suspect.")
 
"It's true, I'm a rageoholic! I just can't get enough RAGEOHOL!"
"Trying is the first step towards failure.."
 
Homer, to Bart, on how to get out of jury duty:

"The secret is to say you're predjudiced against all races."
 
Homer: God, if you really are God, you'll get me tickets to that game. [doorbell rings]

Ned: Heidely-ho, neighbor. Wanna go to the game with me? I got two
tick --

Homer: [slams the door, looks upward] Why do you mock me, O Lord?

Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle that Bart tossed up
there.

[Marge scrapes it off the ceiling into Homer's hands]

Homer: I know I shouldn't eat thee, but -- [bites] Mmm, sacrilicious.
 
Scientists studying Homer after finding him lost in the woods...

"He is either a above average animal or a below average human being"

to which Homer replies..

" Can I have some applesauce with this porkchop?"
 
To the tune of Chumbawumba's Tubthumping -

"I have a whiskey dring
then a vodka drink
and when I have to pee
I use the kitchen sink"
 
Oh! The cult episode, I LURVE that one!

(To the tune of "Batman") "na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na fishing!"

(and when hes watching the movie about the cults leader)
Homer "Im confused, so the cops knew he was internal affairs all along?"
Cult member "What? That wasnt in the movie!?"
Homer "Oh, when I get bored I make up my own endings to movies!"


HOMER SIMPSON for PREZ!! (and Prime Minister!)
 
From the episode where they find out Marge's sister Patty is gay:

Homer: "What? You thought I'd leave you for your sister patty? <laughs> I'd be more likely to leave you for a sausage patty."

or somethin' like that.
 
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