Why I deserve a free CUDA.

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I don't deserve a CUDA. I deserve a specimen of that new megafolder you're brewing up purely because I started the thread that hit, what, over 80 posts?

You ARE building that critter, right?
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Besides...I'm fighting a huge nasty ugly gun rights lawsuit pro per by the seat of my pants, depositions start on 7/1/99, I can't get a pro bono lawyer and I'm *still* kickin' tail
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Jim March
http://www.ninehundred.com/~equalccw
 
I bought a new convertible GEO and was out on a country road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of my hair and I decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 30 mph I suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind me (20mph SPEED LIMIT).

"There's no way they can catch a GEO," I thought to myself and opened her up more. The needle hit 30, 40, 50 and finally 60 with the lights still behind me. "What am I doing?" I thought and pulled over. I WANTED TO GET OUT OF THE CAR AND RUN, BUT I COULDN'T GET MY SEAT BELT OFF. IF I HAD HAD A Cuda-2 tanto blade with the half "Piranha" edge, instead of my dull, rusty old made in Taiwan $10 K-mart special, I MAY HAVE MADE IT.

The cop came up to me, took my license without a word and examined it and the car. "I've had a tough shift and this is my last pullover. I don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before you can go!"

"Last week my wife ran off with a cop and my CUDA," I said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

"And you have a nice evening, sir" said the officer, LEAVING BEFORE I COULD ASK HIM ABOUT MY KNIFE.

So you see, I need a new one. Send me the Cuda-2 tanto blade with the half "Piranha" edge and I’ll post the original joke.


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I think I deserve a Cuda.

Wait. I think I need to do a little more than that.

Okay. Were I to receive a Cuda (btw Tanto Blade, G10 handles, ss liners and locks, 4" bead blast blade)... Well. I have a pet fish. And I think it would be very interesting, not to mention scientifically viable, to attempt to cross-breed a goldfish and a 'cuda. From my understanding of your manufacturing procedures, you do simply freeze dry a live barracuda and add a joint to the middle (not to mention the sexiest of all sexy thumb opener one-handed innovation type thingies). And of course, the force of opening the knife wakes the barracuda who of course bites whatever material you're trying to cut.
My thinking is that I could scientifically create the perfect environment where a goldfish and a 'cuda could see eye to eye and find all of the love that you seldom see on Nova. And then I'd get a whole stinking pile of goldie-Cudas, that I could give away to friendly and inspired BF members.

So. for the good of science, and for the randy libido of my goldfish, Stan, please send me a Cuda. Post Haste. (And please, a female...)

Sincerely,
Chizpuf

'when you can't impress 'em with intelligence, befuddle 'em with bullsh*t'
 
1. Because I make you job easier
2. I make a killer Steak and Kideny Pie with Yorkshire Pudding
3. I sent you tee shirts and posters
4. I am 1/2 British
5. I am to f#@#@# to buy one
6. I have longer hair than you
7. I appricate your sense your sick British humor
8. My lady is to F$#@# cheap to buy me one
9 Santa didn't bring me one
10 The Easter Bunny is as F@##@ cheap as Santa and my lady
Is that enough?

Bob Taylor

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Some days it's not worth chewing through the restraints and escaping.
 
I can't really say I deserve anything, but the reason I would like to win the CUDA (jr. spearpoint)is that due to recent unforeseen circumstances involving the hospitalization of my wife, then surgery, then being laid off from work the day she was released, (isn't downsizing such a lovely term), then my work hours being cut in half, bills piling up, and (thankfully) sweet talking my mortgage note holders into not foreclosing, I have had to unfortunately sell several pieces from my personal collection and am still looking at selling a few more.

If I was to win the CUDA, (which is doubtful judging by some of these entires), I would surely treaure it. If not, a shirt would be cool as well.

Jonathan

[This message has been edited by Jonathan (edited 27 June 1999).]
 
Because. I'm a student with limited funds, and everyone should have at least one good knife, right? And I do admire a well-made knife, so you can rest assured it'll get a good home. - And when I become rich and powerful, I'll remember what a good knife the CUDA was and how nice you people were, and buy a whole bunch more of 'em. So, not only would giving me the knife be a humanitarian gesture, but good business too.

(Plus of course I own a gun.
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)

Oh, I'd like a plain edge tanto point. Of course if you deside to send me a t-shirt, well, that'll come in handy too. Considering how much knives cost over here, I don't spend nearly enough on my wardrobe...
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Tony S.
 
I still haven't been able to decide what kind of a CUDA I would like to have, but I know WHY I want it
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I would like to have a CUDA because my dog's bored. It's either sleeping or trying to sleep all the time, it's a rare occasion when he grabs a ball in his mouth and comes "growling" at me with it. I've tried to talk knives with him (since some humans fall asleep when I try to talk with them), but his best reaction was "Ok, go on if you wish. I've seen all those, haven't you got anything new?". I know there's a knifeknut inside him, I just gotta get him admit it and I think the CUDA would make a difference. IF he didn't go "Whoa! Show me that fast flicker one more time!" just after opening it, I could wrap the blade in bacon and oh boy, I bet he could be hypnotized by the swinging (bacon-wrapped) blade. He'd be all like "Yeah, man! Lemme take a closer look of that slick swinger, it looks like it WANTS to be taken a real good look at! Sweet, just sweet. How 'bout one more flick?"
BAM! Instant KnifeKnut! I'm sure he would talk knives with me more after seeing the CUDA. It'd be cool if I wrapped the bacon loosely around the blade so it would shoot bacon every time I opened it and my dog would be constantly going (with his friends) "We want CUDA! We want CUDA!".

I'll let you know about the type of CUDA I want as soon as I can make up my mind.
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Jani

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Two important questions in life:
Do they have a catalog?
Did you know there's a town called "Batman" in Turkey?
 
I deserve a free spear point, sraight edged, small Cuda because I am just such a nice guy.
Cool Poem by the way, best of luck!

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"All of our knives open with one hand, in case you're busy with the other"
<OVAL OFFICE JOKE>
 
I could sure use this Cuda. I don't have enough money to own areal quality knife. I consider $40 a lot to spend on a knife.
I actually DREAMED about winning this knife. I actually get aroused just looking at pictures of this knife. I can imagine what will happen if I could actually hold this piece of art.All the Cudas are equally desirable/beautiful to me.

[This message has been edited by Josh Murray (edited 02 July 1999).]
 
You might chop off you....
Maybe you should start collecting coins?
 
Phil,
I deserve a cuda so a can have a knife all my own and not have to share with my wife.
A black spearpoint would be sweet.

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~~TOM~~
 

Hi-my name is paul and I am a knifeaholic... It all started innocent enough,I am a recovering from a gun addiction and thought a couple of knives would help.Little did I know it would be the same (worse),I don't need this newest knife...oh my visa # is...I really deserve this knife because I have to cut back because I need another safe to keep all this stuff in and another house might be in order for the three safes are getting obvious.#1 reason is all girlfriends always say "what do you need all those for" to which my response is always "they will be here long after YOU are GONE!"HELP MEEEEEE PLEASE!!!!
 
The winners to knife contests are announced all the time now, or so it seems... And in case you haven't noticed, my name is still not among them. *Wink, wink, nudge, nudge...*
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Tony S.
 
....because it's the ONLY way you're going to get me to stop bugging you to make one in manual-action!

EK
 
Oh yeah, I deserve a Small Black-Bladed Spearpoint NO SERRATAIONS Cuda, because I am related to the one you're giving away!

Cuda is my middle name, BABY!!!
Oh, BeHAVE!!!

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"All of our knives open with one hand, in case you're busy with the other"
<OVAL OFFICE JOKE>
 
I would like to win a free Cuda because I think it has the most ingenious opening mech.
ever. Why would anyone want the added complexity and cost of an automatic when one can have this. I would like the the CUDA Jr. with the plain edge Spearpoint blade. Thanks.

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Marcus X. Fry
frym@concordia.edu
 
This knife may complete my life.
After all, I am an adventurous figure, running laps around the moon during my lunchbreaks, I never sit still. The molecules in my body are always vibrating. My minute rice only takes me fifteen seconds, my microwave pizzas I cook in a toaster, and my ramen noodles are best served raw.
I am a ruthless bovine therapist, a chocolate philosopher, and a whiz at reading children's books. I cannot pay my debts, my planets are coming to alignment, and the tribe of pygmy's who worship me as a God are working on a flying saucer.
I own small suns, many wives, minor dieties bow to me. My cars run fast, silent, and deep, and I have the world's largest collection of nose hair. I have entire acting companies offering interpretive dances of what my life would be like as an ameoba,

But I do not own a CUDA

Zog
 
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