Hi Phil,
May I call you Phil? I hope so. I just wanted to give you an idea of how much you and the Cuda contest have changed my life. I've taken steps to surround myself with your positive influences in hopes of someday maybe (fingers crossed) being a little more like you. Anybody who can be so wonderful as to give away such a great knife as the Cuda has got to be on the right track for Sainthood, so I could do much worse for a role model. I'll let you in on a few of the changes I've made in my life to enhance my self worth as well as my chances to win the coveted Cuda.
1) I've chosen to call my family by more appropriate names. There's my wife Phylis(AKA Andra). My daughter Philhemina(AKA Annelisa). My son Phil(AKA Bob). They're adjusting quite well, and Phylis is even considering letting me sleep in the bedroom next week. I was going to rename the cat, but we all know that with my cat, that would be more of a dishonor to you than any tribute.
2) I've taken to saying "Hi Phil" when passing co-workers in the halls. I seem to be having a positive effect on them as they recently took up a collection and actually (believe it or not) wanted me to buy a Cuda. I said "Nope", my buddy Phil is gonna come through for me.
3) I've changed my snacking habits, and cut out all that unhealthy stuff. You got it buddy, I only munch on Philberts(sic)now. I've even taken to carrying a few in my pockets, and I must say they rattle about rather pleasantly.
4) I also cut out all that Head-Banger music for the more soothing tunes of the Boston Philharmonic. Sometimes a little John Philip Souza is quite nice as well.
5) I've changed over all the regular screws in my small appliances to Philips heads.
6) I've taken up a new hobby although it could never compare with knives. I find that a rousing session of Philatelism is quite stimulating. If I may, a Cuda would be real handy at slicing those little buggers off the envelopes.
I realize that these steps may seem small, but I'm a simple man and don't go in for that fancy stuff. Oh sure, if I was a Philosopher or Philologist or a rich Philanthropist I'm sure I could make some great sweeping changes to my life in order not to be such a Philistine but that's just not me. I hope that you can see from these humble words how you've truly inspired me.
Oh I mustn't forget, My Mailman(Phil) is anxiously waiting for the chance to carry that precious package to my box on the blessed day. I've told him all about you. I'm a little worried that you may choose to ship UPS though and that would be a real tragedy as that driver won't come to my house anymore(long story). I'm sure we can work it out though, I'll call you. BTW what's your home phone number? OOPS, Phylis is calling, I'll have to finish this later.
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-Tim-
