Are any of you like me? Classified as a Loner

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Wildone39

Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
815
No im not crazy, im a normal guy just like most of you. I have a wife and 2 daughters and I love them more than anything in this world. I grew up a normal child and lived in the country all of my life. I have 2 brothers and a large family that has lived on the same land since the Civil War. My great great Grandfather Fought for the South in the Civil War and is buried not far from my house. So my roots go deep here. I used to sing in a band and I served in the Military during the Gulf War. Most of my life I have been a very outgoing person but a few years ago I had a Heart Attack and almost died and then last year I lossed my kidney cause of a Kidney stone and had surgury and got Staph Infection and almost died again before they finally found it. Since then I have become a loner. Other than my wife and kids, I dont care about anyone coming to my house nor do I ever go visit anyone. I dont like being around people anymore. The only thing I love is to go to the woods. I think that makes me think back to my childhood and better days of my life. If I am around people I get really nervous and actually sick to my stomach. So the more I am to myself the better off I am. Is that normal? My wife says Ive become a hermitt. Like i said Im not putting my wife and kids in this cause I love them and I do spend time with them, just not anyone else. I never go to town unless I have to and as you can see I cant sleep at night. So am I by myself on this or does anyone else here feel threatend by the world? Just wondering. Sorry for the long babbel. Theres just to much drama in this World now for me.
 
Wildone39 said:
No im not crazy, im a normal guy just like most of you. I have a wife and 2 daughters and I love them more than anything in this world. I grew up a normal child and lived in the country all of my life. I have 2 brothers and a large family that has lived on the same land since the Civil War. My great great Grandfather Fought for the South in the Civil War and is buried not far from my house. So my roots go deep here. I used to sing in a band and I served in the Military during the Gulf War. Most of my life I have been a very outgoing person but a few years ago I had a Heart Attack and almost died and then last year I lossed my kidney cause of a Kidney stone and had surgury and got Staph Infection and almost died again before they finally found it. Since then I have become a loner. Other than my wife and kids, I dont care about anyone coming to my house nor do I ever go visit anyone. I dont like being around people anymore. The only thing I love is to go to the woods. I think that makes me think back to my childhood and better days of my life. If I am around people I get really nervous and actually sick to my stomach. So the more I am to myself the better off I am. Is that normal? My wife says Ive become a hermitt. Like i said Im not putting my wife and kids in this cause I love them and I do spend time with them, just not anyone else. I never go to town unless I have to and as you can see I cant sleep at night. So am I by myself on this or does anyone else here feel threatend by the world? Just wondering. Sorry for the long babbel. Theres just to much drama in this World now for me.
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I have witnessed this behavior first hand in the form of my mother. At the age of 42 she was a hard working and outgoing woman. She then had a heart attack and a triple bypass at 42. She fell ill to pneumonia after the surgery and became deathly ill and was given a slim chance of recovery, but she did recover.

After that event she has been in therapy ever since. She does not drive more than a few miles away from home and doesn't go anywhere alone unless it's straight to a relatives house that is nearby or to church. She has developed what the therapist calls Agoraphobia and regularly suffers from Anxiety attacks that become so debliating that she is down for the count for a day at a time.

It's tough for me to try and understand and be sympathetic to because I am an outgoing and independent person and don't see how one can get to this point, but I am not in her shoes nor am I in yours.

IMHO - if you are getting to the point where you get very nervous and actually sick to your stomach when you are around people this may be an issue that may need some type of professional intervention. Again this is only my opinion and I'm not a Dr. I just have seen what this type of thing can do to a person's life.

I hope all the best to you and your family.

Take care.
 
Wow, I wish I was better at typing. I have so much I would like to say. We have very different backrounds but I became a lot like what you describe while in my 2nd marriage. When we got married I was a happy police officer. Within monhs I screwed up my shoulder and while home trying to get shoulder back (re-hab and surgerys) I found that not a whole lot of people cared. I found I didn't have near as many friends as I thought. This in turn I believe made me not want to go places and do things much after that. Then I lost my best friend to cancer about 5 years ago. He and I were always in the woods when we were young. Last year I lost my wife to divorce and this year I just lost another best friend to cancer. Now I am finding my peace and happiness by just walking in the woods and being close to nature. It is what relaxes me. Hearing people pour out sympathy and or talking about these things is not what I like or want. Now I just need to find a woman who likes the outside and nature as much as I do. :D Anyway, after the death of my first friend I began to read a lot about cancer and possible cures. This is when I began to realize that America seems to be driven by greed. Now I rarely watch any news and do not get the newspaper. I'm not a hermit as I have 2 boys and we have to attend many school functions but in a nutshell I think I understand some of how you might feel. I can tell you that I found a very good church which has helped alot also. It is early here and I'm not a morning person so I hope this makes sense. Bottom line is when I feel kind of crappy I go for a walk. In fact I go for my walk about every day now. I also live in the country and have a 1 mile trail that I keep mowed and is where we walk and ride 4 wheelers. I almost always see deer or ducks or some other wild life. I find that this clears my head and gives me a good feeling inside. I hope you begin to spend more time with your family and be thankful for all that you have, no matter what that might be. They need you and if you don't go and spend the time with them, someone will...trust me on this one! Good luck! ( I think maybe I'm the one babbleing now but have to run to do some work)
 
Posted by Dave ----peace and happiness by just walking in the woods and being close to nature. It is what relaxes me. I Agree 100%

Posted by Wildone39 -Are any of you like me? Classified as a Loner --Yes,I my self have Never been comfortable around people.

Your Not alone Wildone39 - there are more of us then you think
 
Been a lone wolf my whole life. Nothing wrong with that. All the BS drama in the world doesn't interest me in the least. I have two great kids, and, aside from them, I could care less about socializing with people.
You're doing O.K (at least to me)....you're finding out what's meaningful to you, and you spend time with that.
Do what your heart tells you is right:thumbup:. Never mind the psycho-babble.
 
Nope, your not the only one. My title and subtitle aren't just to make me seem glamorous either.;):D
Sometimes when we have serious trials, we end up seeking what gives us a center, balance or peace.
Good luck and God Bless.:thumbup:
 
I'm not much of a "people person", I'm fairly well liked by my co-workers and people I have contact with, but I'd much rather be alone most of the time.

Nature is my church, it's where I feel most at home and in control. It gives me peace.

Your not alone at all.
 
I feel the same way, I never had many friends, and I always felt like I didn't "fit in" with my family. I joined the military about 10 yrs ago hoping to find my place in life. I have been divorced once and am remarried. After a 1 yr tour overseas away from my wife I started to realize just how independant I was. I got so use to being alone that since I have been back I found that large groups of people annoy me. I have also had a hard time reconnecting with my spouse, it is getting better but I had to get some counselling. I am noticing that I go out of my way to avoid people, having to work with or depend on others to complete my job is getting increasingly annoying. I am only 32 y/o and am finding it harder and harder to want to be around people. So you are not alone my friend, take care and keep your family close. Since I live in the city, I find that running or riding my bike really helps me clear my head.
 
I'm with you too. I am divorced, have 2 teenage sons I spend a lot of time with, and few friends. I work in retail so I spend every dang day talking to people, but I do it because it pays the bills. I like interaction, but overall find myself cynical and disgusted by what I have come to call "ALL ABOUT ME" behavior. It is everywhere! It manifests itself in how people talk, how they drive, how they jump in line ahead of you, etc.

I keep to myself in many ways and listen more than I speak when in groups.

Take care, you are not alone...
 
You may not be crazy but your not acting normal. It might be good if you could find some people that need you to help them. When you get like this go help someone that needs it more than you. It will snap you out of the past and bring you into the present. Remember the past. Live in the present. Plan for the future. Ya gotta get up and get it going. Your Fears of the past are starting to kick your butt. Take your little girls and wife go to town and have some fun with your family. Laugh a little and Love that wife of yours and those kids.
 
when my friends were working on there cars I was in the woods.I've ALWAYS been drawn into the woods.I'm not opposed to being around friends and family but I've always been more comfortable in the woods.:)I'am adopted and don't know my about birth parents yet..but I've always wondered if there wasn't a connection there somehow....yes...your not alone.:D
 
I think I understand a bit of what you're talking about. I've had several, things, try to take my life over the years, maybe sometimes I wish they had. But I found that afterwards, I remained loyal to those who stuck with me (which, sadly, was not my family), and figure the rest of the world can go piss up a rope.

People like to talk big about coddling and nuturing and listening and all that when it's YOU coddling THEM. But they get bored real quick when you have a real problem and need some support. I have no use for those people anymore. I'll only be friends with people who are real friends -- who will stick with you through it all, and you'll stick with them, the rest of the greedy, selfish mob. . .no use.

I find this to not be unusual with "outdoorsy" types. Seems that in many ways were (dare I conjure the beast?) misanthropes to one degree or another.
 
Wildone39. Get help!!!! You are a good person and have great insight into your problem. But you are probably suffering from a mild form of depression. I can tell a story similar to yours and medication helped me. There are mild anti-depresants that can make a difference. It is not wrong or being weak to admit you have a problem. You have been through alot and it can be more than one person can handle. You have to be there for your wife and daughters who have stuck by you. I must sound like Dear Abby but if you need to talk use my private email on the forum.
 
Wildone39 said:
The only thing I love is to go to the woods. I think that makes me think back to my childhood and better days of my life. If I am around people I get really nervous and actually sick to my stomach. So the more I am to myself the better off I am. Is that normal? My wife says Ive become a hermitt. Like i said Im not putting my wife and kids in this cause I love them and I do spend time with them, just not anyone else. I never go to town unless I have to and as you can see I cant sleep at night. So am I by myself on this or does anyone else here feel threatend by the world? Just wondering. Sorry for the long babbel. Theres just to much drama in this World now for me.
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No, it's not "normal" - but it's perfectly normal for you given what you've gone through. Connecting with people is important and I think it's a big reason why we're all here in the first place. But the direction your life has taken isn't something you need to "fix" - it's just something you've got to work with. Maybe you could take people with you into the woods and show them the peace and solitude you find there. Connecting with people doesn't have to be on their terms - you can do it on your own terms. Showing people that all the drama in their lives is pretty small and insignificant compared to the beauty of the woods is really valuable - it'd be a waste if you didn't pass on that insight.
 
Nope, you are not alone....kind of ironic huh? After my divorce, my only son died and I am now at home 4 days after shoulder surgery re-habbing..thinking how great life is gonna be when i get better.....I find my mind wandering to the mountains and solitude......of when I can begin to be healthy again. My saving grace is my wife...she is here and taking care of me...I realize without her, this rehab would be very difficult, if not impossible.......So, friends? I got 2 close ones and my wife and dog.........I don't know if that makes me a loner, but I sure have a hard time talking to people......I gotta go...pain is great and I fear I am rambling under the influence of medications....peace. John
 
Rockywolf said:
I like interaction, but overall find myself cynical and disgusted by what I have come to call "ALL ABOUT ME" behavior. It is everywhere! It manifests itself in how people talk, how they drive, how they jump in line ahead of you, etc.
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Most people are only waiting for their turn to speak, that is if you're lucky. I find more and more interrupt your story to "top" it immediately.


On subject, I understand how a lot of you feel. There is some issues posted here IMHO. Just because I've seen it in myself. I'm lucky and don't need medication, but I have found that I need purpose. As soon as I find myself coasting in life, I find myself not as happy and much less social.
 
:)I deal with people and machinery and math at the same time. I do not consider myself a loner when I needto get away from family, business and "the world." When am out in the wilderness, I am doing a "gut check" with my own soul. I call it communing with oneself. Makes you a better person to be in touch with yourself.:thumbup:
 
The fact that you were not before your illness and that you posted shows that you are not a loner.

Have you ruled out depression?
 
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