Are any of you like me? Classified as a Loner

Some folks can't stand to be alone. They can't stand peace and quiet, and their lives have to be filled with noise at all times. I wonder about those people. But it is the "loners" that seem to be characterized as psychos. But, what do I know? I'm off my medication.
 
I agree with what many have posted here; like Chris Costin, I have found solace in a good church. I am outside almost every day if it's not a blizzard or thunderstorm. Walking does help clear one's mind, and if you walk far enough, often enough, you start thinking REALLY clearly I find. Having backpacked across America twice in the past 20 years seems like that would be enough walking for anyone. I came to realize on my second journey across that it was the emotional solitude that I was enjoying about the trip. Free from the everyday hassles of having to deal with other peoples Sh!t, and trivial annoyances. Never felt so free in all my life, ok, maybe when out on the open Ocean sailing my boat(s); but you get the point. You have to get yourself to a point in 'time' where it is just you and your thoughts, if you dare! I'ts why I've always pursued long distance type activities I guess. I've ridden my bicycle, motorcycle, walked, and driven across America numerous times alone; and enjoyed the trips immensely. It's probably why backpacking is so high on my list of things i prefer to do; though a back injury has re-animated itself this year and kept me down in pain.

Though their are some decent folks here, NJ has to have the highest density of rude people of anywhere I've ever lived! Probably why I've become more of a knifenut in the past 3 years. Most of them are sheeple and leave you alone when they see you wearing a knife on your belt, or better yet, multiple knives on your belt when out hiking. The sooner I move out of this State the happier I'll be; though I will miss the Pinelands.

You should get yourself checked out for PTSD, since it tends to manifest itself about 5-7 years after the 'incident' that caused it. Takes one to know one, you're not alone Brother!

I find myself working on the computer sometimes as late as 0200/0300hrs much to the chagrin of those who know me. I pretty mch hate computers but they are a necessary evil today to be 'involved' in any group thing.

Most of my friends are like me, we would die for one another if that's what it took; and we know how to give each other personal space when we need it. I have 5 friends and people go 'Whoa!, dude, you need to get out more'; I tell them 'No, you need to find people who got your back'. Rest assured that if you are a friend of mine, and you drop a dime to me, that I'll be on your doorstep before you can hang up the phone. last year one friend was in trouble in AZ, called me, and 12 hours later I was stepping off a plane in Tucson blinded by the Sun! Lots of people around were saying, 'that's nuts' to my jetting off at top dollar like that on a moments notice. It was easy to pick out those who have no 'real friends' at that point GRIN!
 
Wildone39 said:
If I am around people I get really nervous and actually sick to my stomach.
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This sentence alone tells the story, IMO indicates a symptom of something, and I don't think you should ignore it. You might want to consider getting a some help before it possibly affects you and your family. It might turn out to be nothing, who knows, but why take such a chance?
 
yeah ur not alone

and it seems to be getting worse with the years

eventho being in my thirties and no wife n kids, seems like i'm missing out on something

i do usually have music on when i am alone, but when in the wilderniss it is mostly off
 
I am knid of like the rest of you. I don't really socialize to much anymore. I only have two friends here in Tennessee. That doesn't bother me to much because I don't see them that much anyways but I do enjoy their company. Now and then I do feel like I am missing out on something but I find it kind of hard to want to be around alot of people. I think part of it for me was I was a severe loner throughout schooling years and coming from a broken home before I was even in kindergarden. These are part of my reasons for being a loner.
 
I'm a hermit who makes knives. Bother me when I'm grinding and I'll throw the blade at you. :D
Scott
 
For me the loner thing is extremely context based, and largely a product of the way I anticipate competency in others. In the city I'm rather gregarious. Yet there I have very low expectations of the competency of others, so I am never disappointed. Everything is light, bouncy, shallow, and rather meaningless. It's about making money, and the types of fun that requires money.

On the other hand, move me into the sticks and I'm shockingly intolerant. My expectations of others are higher, the probability of disappointment more, and woe betide that which is incompetent, irritating, or otherwise disturbs my tranquility. The spotlight of my conscious attention is much more focused, and outside that beam I don't care about anything else. I can suffer few people in such a place. They are just noise.

Interestingly though, 'till fairly recently, I was still happily running a small forum of about 700 members even though I had alternated between spells of gregarious extroversion and frequent two or three days hunker-downs in what has come to be known as my mushroom chamber, while I worked on a task. I'd happily shepherd those 700 along with a smile, but if someone came to the door I wouldn't give them the cheese of your dick. Further, it is also interesting to note that some that might describe themselves as loners here, will happily go online to actively seek out what are fundamentally communities of strangers to communicate with. On that, for most of us, I don't think the loner thing is particular clear cut. True, I'll accept there are some types that are enduringly field independent and apathetic to others across all circumstances. I suggest the rest of us are heavily bound by context, and in some of them just prefer to be left the * alone.

Wildone39, hola

I think the variations between people are large, and the variations within a person over time can be quite large too. However, if you or your loved ones are starting to seriously consider it is getting intrusive, or grossly impairing your normal function, in the nicest possibly way amigo, it could be time to consult an expert friend...
 
baldtaco-II said:
Further, it is also interesting to note that some that might describe themselves as loners here, will happily go online to actively seek out what are fundamentally communities of strangers to communicate with. On that, for most of us, I don't think the loner thing is particular clear cut.
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internet is easy, wanna talk knives?
type in knives and talk about knives

irl wanna talk knives?
how so?
and if ye do meet someone who is interested and/or knowledgeable, it will require more socializing and isnt readily availble with the touch of a button
and u cant switch off a irl person either if ye wanne be left alone
 
nephildevil said:
internet is easy, wanna talk knives?
type in knives and talk about knives

irl wanna talk knives?
how so?
and if ye do meet someone who is interested and/or knowledgeable, it will require more socializing and isnt readily availble with the touch of a button
and u cant switch off a irl person either if ye wanne be left alone
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I think you've just reinforced my point about context, but under the rubric of control. It's kinda like having a screen or a pre-filter for someone one might meet on the street. eg: Wear a sandwich board that says:

#“Willing to chat knives with reasonably competent people”

#Need not apply -

#Ninjas
#Knife ban nazis
#Sheeple friendly concepts
#Vegetarians. Hear no vegetarian, see no vegetarian, eat no vegetarian.

Further, disengagement is a breeze. Also, people can control [read as duck] demanding questions – I was ill, my ? was ill, I was on holiday, tough time at work, dog ate my homework...
 
I am no psychologist, so take this as a pure layman's opinion. There have been times in my life when I just didn't want to deal with people at all, but I think that it is healthy to get out and socialize occasionally. So if you never want to get out at all, there may be a problem. Sometimes I have to make myself do that. It seems to help. Just because I am fat, old, and ugly, that is no excuse to hide away all the time. I don't think there is any shame at all in seeking professional help if you have doubts. We all have our moments.
 
@baldtaco

yeah, i think everyone can agree that if u know lots of ppl online, and constantly 'socialise' online

chances are very high that u are actually very asocial 'irl'

the inverse assumption is to be made
 
Horn Dog, hola

Sage advice. “Hell really can be other people”, and so it goes. But all the scientific evidence suggests that persons deprived of human contact fare worse. Humans are fundamentally social beings. But now I run the risk of repeating a loop and getting into context again. I'm shutting up now.
 
nephildevil said:
@baldtaco

yeah, i think everyone can agree that if u know lots of ppl online, and constantly 'socialise' online

chances are very high that u are actually very asocial 'irl'

the inverse assumption is to be made
Click to expand...

I'm minded of a member of that forum I was running. He said that he and his wife spent every night in different rooms on different 'puters doing the Second Life thing, and it was becoming a bit of a problem. I was tempted to be sarcastic. :-/
 
hahaha

in that case they really need to do just about anything but not sit in front of their computers
 
Your situation does sound familiar to me, and it may be normal in the sense that given the events that occured in your life, anyone could be expected to develop the same tendencies you have described. But from reading your post, I get the feeling that you are worried by how much you have changed, and I think that if you had the choice you would want to feel as you did before--what you consider normal. Unlike some of the others who have responded, and unlike myself, you described yourself as a gregarious person in your youth, but you noted that this has changed to the point where you are describing agoraphobic symptoms when you are around people now. Anxiety and depression go hand-in-hand and can destroy your quality of life, and in the worst cases shorten it. Even with as much bad luck as you have had with medical problems already, I think it might not be a bad idea to speak with a physician and inquire about the questions you have raised here with us. Some questions I would ask you are more general and I'd be concerned if you mentioned that you've been having difficulty sleeping, loss of interest in things that used to interest you, feelings of excessive guilt, decreased energy, decreesed concentration, a change in your appetite or weight and finally if you have had any thoughts of suicide. These are warning signs of depression, but there are other diseases which can present with similar symptoms as you have described, so it's important to get these things investigated. I don't know if you have depression or anxiety, but I bring this up only because treatments today are excellent and it is an absolute shame that many many people don't get the care they deserve because of social backwardness and stigma.

The woods and being alone are things I treasure as well, but if you find your life is without joy outside this enviroment and more importantly if you find that it is affecting your ability to perform your job, your ability to be a good husband and father, then it is time to seek help. Also a lot of the advice about finding something like church or sharing those things you enjoy doing with other people is not a bad idea. Personally I have found that being around other people while sometimes annoying is ultimately more rewarding and it keeps you grounded and prevents one from becoming too "weird.":)
 
Hi Wildone39,

I had emergency open heart surgery a few years ago because I had an infection inside my heart. I almost died, but I pulled through. I was in the hospital for two months. I was by myself in Germany at the time and I do not speak German. Germans who spoke English would come to my room just so I could have someone to talk to. It was a tough thing to go through, but the Germans took great care of me.

The German doctors told me that the studies showed that I would go into depression. At the time I thought that was ridiculous because I was relieved to be alive, but they were right. They also said that even with treatment it would take about two years for it to go away. They were right about that too although I still get bouts of depression every now and then. I also have some PTSD from it all.

The change in your lifestyle after your heart attack indicates to me that you have depression and maybe PTSD. The good thing is that it is treatable. The hard thing to do is to talk to a doctor about it and then to get therapy. I am soooooo glad that I sucked up all the embarrassment I had about it all and did everything the therapist told me to do. I still have times where I realize that after work I am at home alone way too much. I plan on activities where I have to meet other people and friends. I was open and honest with my friends about the depression and they are cool with it.

I am sorry to hear that you have the blues like that, but believe me, you can work on it with professionals and your life will be better than before the heart attack. You can email me if you want to talk about it.

Good luck my friend!!!

Scout
 
Hey wildone39,

There's not much I can add to what's already been posted, but I can tell you you're not alone. Honestly, though, from the symptoms you've described, I think you should have some kind of assessment done. Sometimes things can get out of our control, even before we know it. There's nothing demeaning in accepting a little help. Not just for you, but also for your family.

I'm made a lot of mistakes in my life, many wrong decisions, and despite all that, I still have my family. In the final analysis, nothing is more important, although I didn't realize that as much as I should have, at the time.

Others have offered their support if you felt the need to talk about it. Maybe, though, you might prefer to talk to some stupid (but learning) old geezer. If that's the case, I'd be glad to hear from you. You can send it to primitive at sympatico dot ca or go through BladeForums. Good luck, bro.

Doc
 
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