"Carl's Lounge" (Off-Topic Discussion, Traditional Knife "Tales & Vignettes")

meako said:
Thank God he doesn't shop around here. When pension day comes around all the oldies do their shopping and will park their trolleys across the aisle in order to have a chat with Mavis from down the street. Once Esmae and Vesma join the conversation -there is a a trolleyjam six trolleys deep. Only the brave or stupid will attempt to negotiate this blockade. Even the politest "excusuuse mee ladeees" (in that sing song type friendly voice ) will be be met with the kind of reaction that one would expect if one had just dumped garbage all over the new carpet and vomited on the freshly shampooed Pekingnese . If the blockade is able to be passed without incident there will be a noticeable burning sensation at the back of ones head as the withering glares are turned on.
Don't forget "the weavers". This group find it difficult to maintain a straight line for more than 4 or 5 paces. They then have to cryptically alter course without looking in order to intercept me.Perhaps an oddly shaped mass of air has caught their attention or this weeks bargain special at the reject shop. Sadly"weaving syndrome" affects people of all ages.

Next time you encounter MR Angry at the shop I suggest a double whammy technique. At the exact moment he is about to barge past initiate a "weave" culminating in a "trolleyjam". With any luck your trolley will tip over,spilling it's yet unpaid for contents on to the floor and completely blocking his path.Now for the coup de gras- if conditions are favourable a member staff will appear at the other end of the aisle with a mop and bucket thus cutting off any escape route Mr Angry may have envisioned.
Now stand back and whilst inwardly cacking yourself with laughter say something wise and profound like "geez,I bet you couldn't do that if ya tried! hohohhoh." As he frantically and repeatedly crashes his trolley into the shelf of biscuits or cleaning products and his blood pressure reaches a dangerous level.
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Thanks for a great laugh, Meako! All the cola came out of my coat...so its all lemon drops high above the tree tops.
 
All I can add is that I'm glad you are OK oh and lucky you weren't in the liquor store :D Now that could have been tragic.
The washing up glove would have been thrown down and it's trolleys and squirty bottles of window cleaner at dawn."My second will attend you ,Sirrah!".

Further to my last post -the ultimate coup de grace (tautology alert) would be-
As the two trolleys collide ,yours tipping over, fling yourself to the floor and become trapped (but only for appearances sake) beneath it. Utter words in a pained voice to effect of-"AAAAAAHHH MY LEG" loud enough for the other shoppers to hear. After he has been bashed to within an inch of his life by a gaggle of old ladies using toilet brushes ,packets of bird seed, salamis and fluffy towels with tins of cat food wrapped inside he will make a desperate escape past the discount cookies display.Hopefully another squadron of pensioners will weave strategically into his path.He will now fall heavily almost like a tranquilised Rhino and with the same expression of fear. You simply make a miraculous "soccer style recovery" and go about your task. In order to add insult to injury you must now be very brave.You must -being ridiculously over- cautious wheel your trolley around his inert body and through the debris of the collision. Look down at him with pity,shaking your head and most importantly "tut" loudly,sigh and give a slight nod to the team.

NB-the whole thing will be on CCTV so make it convincing. Limping ,Groaning,Wincing and Grimacing must be maintained until you are out of the mall.

Sensei Meako ,12th dan mall ninja.
 
I feel some wild dreams will be had tonight! You have a great imagination, Meako!:thumbup::thumbup:
 
Gevonovich said:
I feel some wild dreams will be had tonight! You have a great imagination, Meako!:thumbup::thumbup:
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Are there any other kind?
oop nearly forgot-
Anyone attempting to use these techniques does so at their own risk.
I bear no responsibility for any injuries incurred by the use of any trolley with dodgy wheels or those that cannot be pushed in a straight line without doing that sideways crab thing.
Please give way to the trolley dogs-they do a great job.

Cheers.
 
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In honour of our suffering fellow forumite Andi, we had Bratwürste with fried onions and mustard on crusty bread for lunch. Get well soon Papa Andi!
 
I'm just having a sausage sandwich with tomato & chilli chutney myself, so I will also dedicate it to the heath of The Otter Hunter! :D Get well soon Andi :thumbup:
 
pmew said:
In honour of our suffering fellow forumite Andi, we had Bratwürste with fried onions and mustard on crusty bread for lunch. Get well soon Papa Andi!
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Jack Black said:
I'm just having a sausage sandwich with tomato & chilli chutney myself, so I will also dedicate it to the heath of The Otter Hunter! :D Get well soon Andi :thumbup:
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Thanks for the wishes, fellows :)
Bratwürste sounds great.
As well as sausage sandwich - Otter Rocks!!

I had a Schweinshaxe with Sauerkraut, bioled potatoes and some mustard.
 
I had breakfast only 2 hours ago, but you gentlemen are making me hungry!:):eek::)
To your health, Andi.

- GT
 
Am I imagining things, or has the BladeForums "interface" suddenly changed back to what it was 2 or 3 months ago, slightly different from what it's been lately? :confused::confused: I was finally getting used to, and liking the advantages of, the "new interface", and now we seem to have gone back to the thrilling days of yesteryear.

- GT
 
5K Qs said:
Am I imagining things, or has the BladeForums "interface" suddenly changed back to what it was 2 or 3 months ago, slightly different from what it's been lately? :confused::confused: I was finally getting used to, and liking the advantages of, the "new interface", and now we seem to have gone back to the thrilling days of yesteryear.

- GT
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Yes, the old-new interface is quite better than the one... it was a little difficult to navigate, and to replie.
 
Humppa said:
Thanks for the wishes, fellows :)
Bratwürste sounds great.
As well as sausage sandwich - Otter Rocks!!

I had a Schweinshaxe with Sauerkraut, bioled potatoes and some mustard.
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Andi, I had to look up schweinshaxe - we would call it a ham hock here in the UK. Delicious!

Now then; I've never had sauerkraut. How do you make it, Andi? I'd love to give it a try :)
 
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