Clean jokes...

Status
Not open for further replies.
Hey, Blades, I love REH! That quote is from Tower of the Elephant or one of the other Conan stories. It is too bad all people know of Conan today are the terrible movies that have been made.

Joke: A woman sits down on an airplane. The man sitting next to her turns to her and says, “Lady, that is the ugliest baby I have ever seen. You oughta put a bag on that baby’s head. That baby is just ugly.”
The woman, horrified, stands up and shouts for the flight attendant. “Attendant, this man has insulted me.”
“I’m so sorry, ma’am,” the flight attendant replies. “What he did is totally unacceptable on this plane. I will deal with him later, but for now, please come with me. We’ll give you an upgrade to a nice seat in first-class— and a banana for your monkey.”
 
The congregation is waiting for the services to start, when with a loud pop, Lucifer himself is standing at the poseum.
The congregation makes a wild dash to the doors to get away from God's sworn ememy.
Devil looks around, and sees an old man sitting 3 rows from the front, calmly reading the bulletin.
Devil walks over to the old man, clears his throat, and says
"Excuse me, do you know who I am?"
Old man looks up at him and says "Yep" then goes back to his reading.
Devil says, you know who I am, and your not afraid?"
Old man sensing tbis may take a bit, sets down his reading, looks the devil in the eyes, and says "Nope, not afraid."
Devil says "You DO realize I can kill you with a word, torture your soul through eternity, constantly remind you of every mistake you ever made, and every bad idea you ever had?!?"
Old man calmly replies "Don't doubt it a bit."
Devil asks "And you're not afraid if me?!?"
Old man sighs, and says "Nope, not a bit."
Devil yells "WHY ARE'NT YOU AFRAID OF ME?!?"
Old man picks up the bulletin, starts reading, and says

"I've been married to your sister for 60 years."
 
Last edited:
Today's riddle for seniors... Here is the situation:

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.

On your right side is a sharp drop-off.

On your left side is an elephant that is traveling at the same speed as you.

Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it.

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo.

What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?


SCROLL DOWN FOR THE ANSWER...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Wait patiently for the Merry-Go-Round to stop and then get off....:)
G2
 
If towels could tell jokes, you know they'd have a dry sense of humor...:)

G2
 
Ok an easy one for ya....

How many 'Teamsters' does it take to screw in a light bulb?
.
.
.
answer: 15....Hey!...Youse got a problem wit dat ???

:)
G2
 
How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?




One. We are very efficient and not very funny.

:D
 
In dog years, I'm already dead....;)

G2
 
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.

She seemed surprised.

;)
G2
 
I'm trying to do my bit to save the planet. I called one of these organic exterminators. They advertise 'all natural, no harmful chemicals.' I got such a bad headache from that. All that stomping -- what a mess!
 
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.
 
Words to live by:

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top